The ideal TV viewer for the Olympic Games would have awakened today with no idea the Olympics had already started, only a vague sense the games are in China, and may have heard something or other about how a lanky guy with size 14 feet stands to break the record for most gold medals.
That's right, being ill-informed is going to pay off, given the fact that Beijing is 15 hours ahead of us and NBC is delaying most coverage so it plays in prime time.
Those opening ceremonies you're looking forward to watching hours from now? They happened hours and hours ago.
Want drama? Surprise? You're either going to have to be dumb or play dumb. It'd help if you have no friends.
In this age of instant information, video on demand and countless cable channels with news tickers scrolling along the bottom of the screen, sports fans will be hard-pressed to watch these Olympics without knowing what already happened.
If you want to live inside the NBC bubble, de-program the BlackBerry, squirrel away the laptop and those pesky e-mail alerts, avoid ESPN altogether and tune in to the Rise Guys at your own risk.
Steve Ballard is one who won't be tuning in to the radio for instant results.
The most dramatic sporting event in recent months was the five-set match at Wimbledon between Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer – and the Fair Oaks resident managed to go several days without finding out who won (spoiler alert: it was Nadal) until he had time to watch it via his digital recorder.
Ballard had to work hard at staying out of the loop. He's taking the same approach with the Olympics.
"I'll come into the office, and say, 'Don't say anything, I don't want to know,' " he said.
"When you watch the Olympics, you're often on the edge of your seat, but if you already know who won, you might as well go mow the lawn and watch it later."
The Rise Guys morning radio show on KHTK (1140 AM) is going to give Olympics updates as soon as they happen – like it or not. If swimmer Michael Phelps wins his gold medals, co-host Whitey Gleason is going to tell.
Synchronized swimming? Those gymnasts running around on a mat while waving a ribbon? Gleason has no qualms about being a spoiler.
"Our first responsibility is to dispense the information. When something comes down the pike, we're obligated to share it," he said. "I once gave away the ending to 'The Sixth Sense' on the radio, so perhaps I'm not as sensitive to this issue as I should be."
Gleason and other critics say the Olympics ceased being pure sport long ago.
"It's a prepackaged human-interest feature that runs in the evening," he said, referring to all the heartfelt athlete segments that interrupt coverage of the actual events.
"People are still going to watch. The highest-grossing movie of all time is 'Titanic.' Most of those people probably knew that ship was going down and they went to see the movie, anyway."
Fox 40 sports director Jim Crandell doesn't want to make enemies, so he's willing to reconsider his hear-it-now approach to the Olympics if enough people complain.
"If you really make an effort, you could probably stay away from the results, but even if you avoid the media you run the risk of hearing about it from your other people," Crandell said.
KCRA Channel 3, the local NBC affiliate, already posted spoiler alerts for Olympics news on its Web site Thursday.
Maybe Bud Meyer is the prototype for successful Olympic viewing. He's 84, turns on his cell phone only for emergencies, hasn't heard of TiVo and gets his wife to check his e-mails on their home computer.
What's more, the father of 1972 Olympic gold medalist swimmer Debbie Meyer stays so busy as director of maintenance and operations at Rio Del Oro Racquet Club that he doesn't have time to seek out breaking news.
For the Olympics, he's partial to track and swimming events, enjoys a good upset and would rather not know who won the medal 15 hours earlier on the other side of the world.
But if he happens to find out, "I'd watch it anyway," Meyer said.
Call The Bee's Blair Anthony Robertson, (916) 321-1099.
