Passover or prom? Scheduling faux pas leaves Jewish students in the lurch

Jason Pemstein had a date lined up for junior prom when he confronted a clash between teenage ritual and religious ritual: Bella Vista High School had scheduled the dance for the first night of Passover, one of the most important holidays on the Jewish calendar.

This year, Passover begins on the night of Saturday, April 19, when at least a half-dozen high schools in the region are holding a formal dance.

Like many Jewish families, the Pemsteins planned to celebrate that evening by gathering with relatives, enjoying a ceremonial dinner, or seder, and reciting the biblical story of Exodus.

Donning a tux and dancing the night away were not part of the plan. So 16-year-old Jason went back to his date and told her he couldn't take her to the prom after all.

"I said I'm sorry I can't go unless the school changes it because it's on Passover," Jason said. "Then I explained what Passover is."

Along with Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, which mark the Jewish new year, Passover is one of the religion's three most important holidays, said Rabbi Mona Alfi of Congregation B'nai Israel. On Passover, Jews commemorate their ancestors' journey from slavery in Egypt to freedom in Israel.

"It's our liberation story, and it talks to the core of what it means to be a Jew," Alfi said.

"We have to remember our own oppression so we can act in a just way toward others."

Passover lasts for eight days, but families typically celebrate on the first two nights. The holiday always falls in the spring, though its exact dates change each year because Jewish holidays are set by a lunar calendar.

Because Passover begins on a Saturday night this year, the main night of observance coincides with formal dances at several area schools. Bella Vista, El Camino, Kennedy, Elk Grove, Franklin and Laguna Creek high schools are all holding junior proms or senior balls on April 19.

Jason and his mother asked Bella Vista to move junior prom to a different night. He's been gathering support for the idea by circulating a petition among his classmates.

"It's a big dance, it's formal, it's all everyone talks about for the last month," Jason said.

"Now, I'm missing out because the school didn't pay attention."

Several other Jewish parents also requested a change, said Principal Peggy Haskins. But accommodating their wishes was impossible, she said. DJs and photographers had been booked for April 19 long in advance, and other weekends on the school calendar had filled up with plays, dances and athletic games.

"I'm of course disappointed that we had scheduled an event during any religious holiday but didn't feel with the event being three weeks out that there was any kind of change we could make in the date," Haskins said.

For Jason, that means skipping prom. For other students, the conflict means skipping Passover.

Michelle Aran is a senior at Kennedy High School, where senior ball is scheduled for April 19. Even though she didn't like the idea of missing a family celebration, she said there was no way she'd skip the crowning moment of her high school experience.

"It's either go to senior ball and dance and have a great time with your friends, or sit in a two-hour service and wait to gorge yourself," said Michelle, 17. "The prom is more appealing, at my age anyway."

So on the first night of Passover, she'll sport a purple strapless dress and pose for pictures with her boyfriend. Later in the week, she'll participate in a Passover dinner with her temple's youth group.

Families shouldn't have to face these kinds of dilemmas, said Rabbi Reuven Taff of Mosaic Law Congregation. Several years ago – after a spate of school events that conflicted with major Jewish holidays – he worked with the San Juan Unified School District to create a nondiscrimination policy saying campuses would be more inclusive of all religious faiths in planning their calendars.

But, he said, "policies are placed in a binder," and the conflicts continue.

"It just happens so often that you wonder: When will the school districts become more in tune to all the diversity within the school population?" Taff said.

Haskins, the Bella Vista principal, and Mike Stockdale, principal of El Camino High, said they are working with San Juan district administrators to plan next year's calendar more carefully.

"I'm trying to be very sensitive to that to make sure we plan ahead from this school year on," Stockdale said.

"It's sort of heartbreaking to have to tell a group of kids, 'I'm sorry but we're scheduling this at a time that you're not going to be here.' "

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