Teen Talk: Valentine's Day is perfect for starting a relationship

DEAR KELLY: A week ago, I met a great girl, and we've been hanging out with each other. We have such a great time. She's very sweet, and she's the type of girl I can bring home to my family. I'm a few years older, but her parents don't mind the age difference. They trust me a lot, since her parents know my parents.

We kissed for the first time this past weekend, and since then, we kiss occasionally. We don't make out or do anything bad.

She asked me how long it took me to ask out my ex, and I told her way too long.

Was that a hint to me? Should I ask her out now, only knowing her for a week? Or should I maybe ask her out on Valentine's Day, and we both take things slowly?

– Confused

DEAR CONFUSED: You sound more wise than confused to me. Listen to your instincts and go slowly. Most people put on their best face for the first few weeks. Over time, you will get to know her better.

After learning more about her, you can make the decision about whether she is someone you want to go out with. Rushing into relationships can make things complicated and difficult. Getting to know someone and what makes him or her tick is an important first step.

Be honest and tell her that you want to go slowly so you can get to know her better. Let her know that you are interested and enjoy spending time with her. But wait before taking the next step and asking her to be your girlfriend. If it feels right, Valentine's Day would be a perfect time to share your feelings with her and see if she feels the same.

HI KELLY: My girlfriend just got diagnosed as bipolar. What does this mean? Does this explain her calling or texting me all night sometimes or just freaking out at the smallest things and getting really angry? She can be really cool, but sometimes she scares me with her behavior. Is this something she can help doing, or something she will just have forever? What is bipolar, and why did she get it?

– Derek M.

DEAR DEREK: Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, causes unusual shifts in a person's mood, energy and ability to function. Different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through, the symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe.

It's not known what causes the disorder. A variety of biochemical, genetic and environmental factors seem to be involved. The bottom line is that your girlfriend did not wish this disorder on herself, and the mood shifts are not something she can control without proper treatment and possibly medication. She should not be made to feel ashamed or frightened over her disorder.

Bipolar causes dramatic mood swings – from overly high and/or irritable to sad and hopeless, then back again, often with normal periods in between. The highs and lows are called episodes of mania and depression. Irritability, often perceived as anger, is also a common symptom. Your girlfriend was most likely experiencing a manic episode when she called or texted all night.

Why she is bipolar is something that no one will ever know. But the most important thing is that it is controllable and manageable with the right course of treatment.

Check out www.bipolar.com and read the section for friends and family. It has helpful suggestions on how to support someone you know who has been diagnosed with bipolar.

Remember, one of the ways you can help someone with bipolar disorder is by taking care of yourself and your own needs as well. Don't try to take on too much. Talk with your girlfriend about how important it is to have a network of trusted friends and family who can help her.

About the writer:

• Kelly Richardson, a Folsom therapist, works with adolescents. Write her at Teen Talk, The Sacramento Bee, P.O. Box 15880, Sacramento, CA 95852, or e-mail krichardson@sacbee.com. All letters are confidential.