Are all those children yours?

How can you stand having that many kids?

Are you done yet?

Lynne Cimorelli smiles and answers the strangers who ask these questions.

• Yes.

• I view my children as gifts.

• I can't be sure.

The 44-year-old El Dorado Hills woman knows her family seems unusual, especially when her 11 children pile out of their 15-passenger van. And she can't forget a few of the people over the years who have shared their disapproval.

There was the stranger at the store who scolded her about overpopulation as Cimorelli shopped for groceries while pregnant with her third child. There was the doctor who lectured her about the risks of childbearing as she suffered from an infection after the birth of her fourth.

Big families are rare now that the average American woman has 2.1 children, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. And when people see women who have more, it elicits a strong reaction they often have no qualms about sharing.

"There's not a single (true) Puritan left in the world, but we're all Puritans," says Steven Mintz, a University of Houston history professor and co-chairman of the Council on Contemporary Families, a nonpartisan group of researchers that studies changes in the American family. "We're very moralistic, and we tend to be pretty open about what our values are."

For Cimorelli, who decided to follow the traditional Catholic path when it comes to childbirth, the judgment she faces is simpler: "I think most people view (children) as a burden, not a blessing. Because if you saw them as a blessing, you would say, 'Wow, you are so lucky.' "

It's a boy!

At some point, children began to be viewed as more costly than cost- effective. In 1800, when they could help plow and harvest, the typical American woman had seven to 10 children, Mintz says.

In more recent history, a large family wasn't the norm but it wasn't unheard of, either.

"The fact that the Kennedys had a lot of children was not something that people criticized, but today, the attitude would be quite different," Mintz says. "We're a society that claims to love children but, in fact, we say things like, 'Children are a drain on our world's resources.' Nobody would have said that 50 years ago; they wouldn't have thought it."

Children have become investments who need to be read to, Einsteined and schlepped to tuba lessons and Mandarin classes. They need their own rooms, the latest toys and college funds. And it all has to be done while both parents pursue increasingly challenging careers.

"We changed from a child-oriented society to a work-oriented society -- people are on call 24 hours a day," Mintz says. "And that changes your attitude toward kids who you may love and care for, but they can't take up too much of your time because that will conflict with your work obligations."

Cimorelli was finishing up her master's degree in piano performance at California State University, Sacramento, when she met and married her husband, Mike. They wed in a small parish in Stockton and son Michael arrived two years later.

The young couple struggled to pay bills while living in an east Sacramento duplex where a grand piano dominated the entire place. Then Mike Cimorelli started a commercial construction company after second child Christina was born.

Katherine came two years after that, then Lisa two years after that. There's Amy, Alex, Lauren, then Danielle, Christian, Nicholas and little Joey. They are an average of 18 months apart, with the biggest gap 22 months and the smallest 13.

It's a girl!

It wasn't the fifth, seventh or even 11th child that overwhelmed Lynne Cimorelli; it was her second. Exhausted from chasing around her toddler son, she wasn't sure how to accommodate a newborn, as well. There was another adjustment with her third, when the number of children outnumbered her hands. But since then, each addition has become easier.

"You've got the tricks of the trade down, and it's just about crowd control," says Cimorelli, who home-schools her kids in the morning and then shuttles them between karate, basketball, tennis, diving, archery and even synchronized swimming during the afternoons.

"When you just add one at a time, they sort of just blend in."

In 1976, 60 percent of American women had three or more children and 36 percent had four or more, according to the book being released next month, "Table for Eight: Raising a Large Family in a Small-Family World" (Alpha Books, $14.95, 256 pages). Today, those numbers have dropped dramatically, with 17 percent of mothers who recently gave birth having their third, and 11 percent having their fourth or more, according to the Census Bureau.

"It's seen as a choice, so people don't only feel free to judge, but they're very open about it," says "Table for Eight" author Meagan Francis, who has four children. "Some of that has to do with what's outside of the norm, which makes people uncomfortable no matter what it is."

Plus, where other parenting choices such as public vs. private schooling, cloth vs. disposable diapers, and breast-feeding vs. formula are largely private matters, when people see you at the grocery store or park with all of your children, your choices are visible.

"When you go out with your five to seven kids, you're making a statement," Francis says. "It's your public face of parenting right there."

Cimorelli notices the stares she gets when she's out and mostly attributes them to curiosity. She understands why her entire family gets invited to dinner just once or twice a year. And she accepts being seated in the back corners of restaurants.

"Whatever. I understand it," she says. "Initially I was self-conscious, but then I decided, 'We're going to show you.' "

And at restaurants, the children color in their books, talk nicely to each other, and each, even the 2-year-old, knows how to order from the server.

A bundle of joy

The instances of larger families declined the most during the 19th century, according to Mintz, the University of Houston history professor. While the typical American woman had five children in 1850, she had three in 1900. Then women entered the work force and started having kids later, so two children became the norm, he says.

That changed briefly after World War II during the baby boom, when couples began having three or four children in reaction to the Depression.

Today, there seems to be a slight uptick in some families -- reportedly in wealthier communities -- having three or four children, Mintz says. There's the Angelina Jolie effect of growing families through adoption. And then there are couples that create larger families with their children from previous marriages.

Even though there are many reasons why a family can be bigger than the 2.1-children average, childbearing is still seen as a mother's choice.

"We think we live in a very liberated society, but our appearance requires us not to overeat and ... our standard of living requires that we don't have an excessive number of children," Mintz says. "We don't have rules -- this is not China where we order people to have one baby -- but we enforce things with public opinion."

Francis, author of the book on large families, says that after her first child, people wanted to know when she was going to have a second. The comments came again when she was about to have her third, this time questioning why she would have more than two.

"People who have just one child often get accosted at the grocery store and at family birthday parties," says Toni Falbo, a psychology professor at the University of Texas who studies only children. "What we're seeing happening here are how social norms are expressed. We have this preference for the two-child family, one boy and one girl, as a perfect replacement for him and her."

And while some topics are considered taboo like someone's weight or hairstyle, child-rearing and family size are areas people feel comfortable discussing, even with strangers.

"A lot of times people see a pregnant woman and her family and think that's public property," says Francis, who notes that total strangers would sometimes rub her pregnant belly. "Judging parents, moms especially, is what we do."

A stork delivery

The Cimorellis live in an expansive, five-bedroom, six-bathroom home they built in 2000 with sweeping views of the Valley. A master calendar keeps track of all the orthodontist appointments and Lynne Cimorelli makes a point to get the kids involved in activities that take several of the children at a time like theater, swim team and guitar lessons.

There are certain things that have to be done to keep the household running -- everyone has a job during dinner when the family sits down to eat at the long dining table. A crockpot of chili or barbecue beef stew is started in the morning for dinner that night. Two washers and two dryers run constantly.

At least $200 is spent at the grocery store every other day, when Cimorelli stops during a dentist appointment or after dropping one of her older children off at Folsom Lake College; they both started there at 16.

Head counts are taken whenever the family piles into the van. And when the Cimorellis go to crowded places, Dad leads the pack and Mom takes up the rear, counting heads every few minutes.

And there are some things that aren't worth battling: The laundry room is organized into messy piles of clothes and not neatly folded stacks, the line of a green marker mars a bedroom door, and books are piled, not arranged on shelves.

"It's not going to be perfect so I'm not going to worry about it," Cimorelli says.

But music constantly tinkles throughout the house with regular singing and dancing. The girls created a band and recorded a CD. Compromise and sharing is a necessity. And Cimorelli never has to organize play dates.

Part of the reason Cimorelli feels so blessed with her children is because she knows what it's like to lose a child. She's had four miscarriages, including a set of twins at 17 weeks, during her first pregnancy.

"It was devastating," she says. "You learn more about the human experience and that it's not always easy."

10 fingers, 10 toes

Americans have always had a higher birthrate than European countries and today, some Asian countries as well, says Andrew Cherlin, a sociologist at Johns Hopkins University who studies families.

"As countries have developed their economies, parents have come to see that children are expensive and they can get all the satisfaction they need from having just a few of them," he says.

But it's still surprising that people have such critical views of larger families.

"People tend to like children, so why would they dislike other people's children? It's only if they think those children are taking up space and resources that are in short supply," he says. "If everybody had 11 kids, it would increase the population pressure on our planet. But if only a few families do, it's not going to make much of a difference."

In the Cimorelli house, there's never a lack of noise or laughter.

Amy, 12, complains that sometimes her sisters borrow her clothes without asking. Michael, 18, laments that his younger siblings get away with things he had to fight for, and that baby-sitting is a regular task.

But when the house needs to be cleaned, the army of siblings can get it done in 25 minutes. There's always someone happy to see you. And there's always someone learning something new.

"It's seeing the look on their faces when Dad's home," says Mike Cimorelli.

"It's fascinating to watch the lightbulbs," says Lynne Cimorelli. "Every day there's always at least one surprise, and I think it's infinitely interesting."