My cats and dogs have always been important to me, but especially since my children all moved away, and I am now a widow. Knowing how important pets are to others, I wonder if you think it's acceptable these days to send a sympathy note to a friend when a pet dies. I have done so, but I don't want the gesture to be misunderstood.
– I.C., via e-mail
Caring, thoughtful gestures are always appropriate. You are letting a friend know that you are thinking about her during a difficult time, and that's always appreciated.
You may not be aware that sympathy cards for pet lovers have been available for many years. There are also programs that accept donations in the memory of a beloved pet. Your local shelter or college of veterinary medicine would welcome such a gift and send your friend a card of acknowledgment.
Pet-health research organizations such as the Winn Feline Foundation, the Morris Animal Foundation and the AKC Canine Health Foundation also make good use of donations.
Many people are helped by the idea of the "rainbow bridge," a place where our animals wait for us, and then we are together forever. It's now accepted practice among pet lovers to refer to a deceased pet as being "at the bridge."
If you are writing a sympathy note to a friend who has lost a dog, you might make note of the first use of "man's best friend," in an 1870 courtroom speech by George Graham Vest: "The one absolute, unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world – the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous – is his dog."
For cat lovers, I like to share quotations from the French writer Colette, a cat lover for the ages.
But no matter what you write or whether you make a donation in memory of a special pet, I will guarantee you that any kind note to a friend who has lost a pet would be very much appreciated.
– Gina Spadafori
