It's no secret that dogs have migrated from the doghouse to the main house to the master bedroom, and cats have gone from mousers to housers. But even as pets have made the shift to full family members for many people, conflicts do arise.

This can be especially true around the holidays, when the kids come home with a four-legged feline "baby," or friends drop by with their dog for a visit and see no problem with welcoming him up on your bed as they do at home.

Minimizing visiting pet conflicts isn't hard as long as everyone follows basic "petiquette" in planning and managing visits.

Here are some tips.

• Consider your pets – and resident pets – before the visit: Even if your pets are welcome, taking them may not be the best of ideas. Visiting is not a good idea if the resident pet will be stressed by yours. It's not fair for the family cat to spend the holidays under the bed because a new dog is roaming the house.

And not all pets are good visitors. Most cats would prefer to stay home, and many dogs are better left behind with a pet sitter or in a good boarding kennel.

To be a good guest, a dog must know basic obedience and be able to remain well-mannered under all circumstances. No knocking over a frail aunt or tiny toddler, and no stealing food off the counters or tables. Since you can't retrain a dog just for a visit, you can solve the pets-on-the-bed problem by bringing along old sheets to throw over the top of your host's bedding.

• Don't make assumptions: If you're expecting pet-loving company, don't assume they'll leave their pets at home. Ask them, and don't be shy about setting conditions if you're willing to welcome a four-legged visitor.

By the same token, don't presume the welcome mat is out for your pet. Not everyone loves pets, and even those who do may not want your pet to visit for many legitimate reasons, including allergies, non-pet-friendly decor, other pets, and fearful or fragile family members.

It's essential to not only get permission but also to be clear on the rules of the house. A frank discussion beforehand can prevent many conflicts. Ask where the pet can sleep, and where it will be expected to relieve itself (don't forget to clean up afterward!). If friendly agreement isn't possible, a pet-friendly hotel room nearby is the best option.

• Crates and baby gates: Having your pet be able to relax in a "room of his own" makes visiting easier for all.

A crate or carrier is your pet's best friend when you're traveling. Every pet should learn to be comfortable being contained in a safe, secure crate or carrier. This training makes everything better, from veterinary visits to car travel and more. A crate may be the perfect place for your dog during meals, or when the family decides to catch a movie or go out for a meal. There's no worrying about what your dog will do in a unfamiliar environment when he's sleeping safely in his crate.

If using a crate isn't possible, a baby gate can keep visiting pets out of pet-unfriendly areas while still giving them the sense that they're part of the activities. These gates are inexpensive to buy at any general-merchandise retailer. A simple plastic gate can adjust to any doorway and will leave no marks afterward.

With permission cheerfully granted and ground rules set before the door opens, having well-mannered pets join in the holiday festivities can be wonderful. It's just up to the humans to make sensible decisions so everyone is comfortable, pets included.

Pet Connection is produced by a team of pet-care experts headed by veterinarian Dr. Marty Becker and journalist Gina Spadafori. The two are authors of several best-selling pet-care books. E-mail them at petconnection@gmail.com or visit www.petconnection.com. Back columns: www.sacbee.com/spadafori.