Hey, maybe I do have what it takes to be a successful author.
When John Lescroart, New York Times best-selling author of legal thrillers, praised "Altar Boys," I put his quote on the cover. I even wanted to put his name bigger than mine. After all, he has sold millions of books and people might mistakenly think he was the author.
In "Altar Boys," there is a scene in which the main character is sitting in Grace Cathedral in San Francisco, alone, reading Anne Lamott's "Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith." Thus, it seemed only reasonable to me, when I found myself on the same stage with the famous Lamott addressing a thousand people, to claim a bond with her, even calling her by the familiar, "Annie."
I said that I was on the same road with her when she wrote so movingly of her journey from sex, booze and atheism to faith and sobriety, and that "Altar Boys" was a response to her "Traveling Mercies."
When confronted, I had to admit that while on the same road as Lamott, I was going in the opposite direction, toward atheism and, perhaps as a consequence, the occasional stiff drink. It occurs to me now that if we can find just one other – even a primate – in the animal kingdom who drinks, then we may have found something other that humans who ask: "What is the meaning of life?"
This book business is tough. I now face the challenge of once again saving my life or of creatively marketing my book with a timely death. I could end up with a tombstone upon which is written: "John Mohamed Poswall – His Amazon Rating Was Never Better Than 48,000." Now, that wouldn't be funny; not even post-humorous.
But, for now, living. As my main character in "Altar Boys," Rai, says in a letter to his daughter:
"I see a universe unbelievably beautiful and complex. I marvel at even the little that we understand, want to know more, feel so inconsequential in it and the brief time I have – (and, I believe, humanity has) – but feel no need to invent a God to explain it. I can, finally, accept that much is unknowable. We are human. We are limited. It is what we don't know, and what we fear, that makes us create Gods.
"If 'immortality' is that period when we are not mortal – before and after life – then you and I are destined for immortality. I can live with that.
"In the meantime, find joy in every day."
John M. Poswall is a Sacramento attorney and the author of two novels. He can be contacted through his Web site, www.johnposwall.com.
