Super Bowl ads don't inspire instant replays

In another era – slower of pace, if not gentler of attitude – you actually had to wait to guffaw or scoff at Super Bowl commercials until Monday morning around ye olde water cooler.

How very early 2000s.

This age of instant opinions and snap judgments allows anyone to engage in real-time punditry regarding the real reason America tunes into the big game – ads.

So, what was the buzz in the blogosphere and the 411 on IMs? We monitored the live chatter – plus added some of our own on The Bee's 21Q blog (www.sacbee.com/21q). Bottom line: This year, the game itself far outshined the cavalcade of ads, which were overly safe, rarely offensive and mildly humorous, but hardly anything to rush to YouTube this morning to see again.

Sunday's blitz included the usual array of talking babies, cute animals, goofy celebrities, clever twists and a strange 1970s theme running through them (nods to "The Godfather," "Rocky," Charlie Brown and Will Ferrell as an old ABA basketball player). Oh, and the halftime rocker, Tom Petty, led off with "American Girl," released in 1976.

Nostalgia aside, success for Super Bowl ads (at $2.7 million a pop) now means being popular enough to garner online traffic on the day after. Here's a rundown of some of the notable commercials, with commentary by us and others in the blogosphere:

• FedEx and giant pigeons: What's not to like?

The pitch: A low-key employee tells the boss they're using pigeons to deliver packages – and a giant one for heavy stuff. Pigeons destroy the city; boss says to try FedEx.

They say: Steve Bassett at adrants.com: "Big pigeon was fun."

We say: The key to this ad was not the pigeons, per se, but the unruffled corporate-speak from the guys in suits.

• Audi pays homage to "The Godfather."

The pitch: A man awakens in bed and sees his satin sheets are covered with … oil. He lifts the covers and screams upon seeing the grill and engine of a Cadillac.

They say: Barbara Lippert, AdAge columnist, said, "I thought it would be such a cliché. But it was good."

We say: Those not familiar with the classic scene in the classic mafioso movie won't appreciate the humor.

• Tide – yes, Tide – cleans up.

The pitch: A dweeb goes in for a job interview with a giant coffee stain on his shirt. The stain is distracting – literally – to the interviewer.

They say: Steve Hall at adrants.com: "One you just love to watch over and over."

We say: A talking stain? Who would've figured it could be so intriguing?

• Celebrity of night: Justin Timberlake.

The pitch: The heartthrob singer gets sucked out of a restaurant and thrown all over town by, it turns out, three girls sucking Pepsi through straws.

They say: Eric Hershberg on superadfreak.com: "He's not like (Kevin) Federline. He's a legit star. And he can make fun of himself. Big difference."

We say: Watching Timberlake get nailed in the crotch – twice – by a mailbox made us like him even more. He can "bring sexy back" even when doing pratfalls.

• "Dude, that's some serious cheese."

The pitch: Bud Light's best ad of the night – OK, the Will Ferrell one was good, too – featured a group of guys dragged to a party by their wives. Inside a giant cheese wedge is, of course, beer. And a box of wine becomes a TV on which to watch the game.

They say: "Best ad so far," says Meredith O. at sports.aol. com. "It might be time to send husband to the kitchen for 'a cheese run.' "

We say: Indeed, "cheese run" is as close to a catch phrase to come out of this year's ad crop.

• Yeah, it's the obligatory heartwarming Clydesdale ad.

The pitch: "Hank," the Clydesdale, isn't good enough to make the team of horses. But, with the inspiring "Rocky" theme song, Hank makes it the next year. After which, we get a memorable hoof-to-paw high-five.

They say: "I'm a sucker for hoof to paw," says Eleftheria Parpis on superadfreak.com.

We say: Call us hardhearted, but the Clydesdales need to be put out to pasture.

• Of nuts, perfume and unibrows.

The pitch: A Planters nuts spot shows a redhead with a unibrow who has men swooning in her presence. Turns out, it's the smell of Planters on her person that drives men wild.

They say: "Effective advertising," says Meredith O. at sports.aol.com.

We say: Can't get that freaky unibrow out of my mind. Annoying? Yes. Effective? Strangely so.

• What? A talking baby … again?

The pitch: E-trade puts a baby on a Web cam to tell us how it made a financial killing. Then the baby spits up on camera.

They say: "How much can you digitally manipulate a baby before it's really anything but a baby?" asks adrants.com.

We say: Aside from the spitting up, you can't go wrong with babies and animals.

• Honorable mentions: Coke's giant balloon ad, where Charlie Brown wins out over Stewie from "The Family Guy"; the fat tow-truck driver sticking jumper cables to his nipples and then downing Amp energy drink to start a car; the heart jumping out of a downtrodden worker to say "I quit" for careerbuilder.com.

• Dishonorable mention: Bridgestone tires for not running over Richard Simmons when it had the chance.

About the writer:

• Call The Bee's Sam McManis at (916) 321-1145.