Let's get this out right at the beginning because it takes a moment to sink in: Since 1975, Mary Anne Aikens has fostered 1,200 children.
At 55, the Bay Area transplant who lives in Natomas shows no signs of slowing down. She insists she'll be a foster mother until the day she dies.
For overwhelmed parents who may be wondering: Yes, she has a secret – she listens to her children.
Over the years, that adds up to a lot of listening.
Aikens is certainly one of the most prolific foster parents in American history.
She takes kids in for a couple of days to several years. Some stay for good. Her 18-year-old son, who was adopted by Aikens and her husband, graduated from high school Tuesday. He came into Aikens' home as a foster child at 6 months old.
Many of her charges have physical and mental challenges that make caring for them even more arduous.
Cameron, 4, another boy whom the Aikenses adopted, lives with the consequences of fetal alcohol syndrome, has had open-heart surgery and has such extreme lung disease that he breathes through a tracheal tube.
"I think this is my calling," Aikens said, seated in the kitchen of the 3,200-square-foot home she shares with her husband, four of their five adopted children and one (currently) foster child. "I won't ever stop until the Lord has something better for me."
Born in Berkeley and raised in Oakland, Aikens discovered her natural affinity for parenting at age 8, when she began caring for her baby brother. She was like his mother, doing everything for him but change his diapers.
At 22, in 1975, Aikens began fostering, though she didn't really call it that. She simply took in children who needed stability, guidance and love.
"My first (foster) child was my niece," she said. "My sister liked to go and party, and I wanted to make sure my niece was safe," she said.
After that, she sensed that she had a natural way with children, for getting them to behave, for listening to their needs. And she could spot parents in jeopardy wherever she went.
At a department store, for instance, Aikens would notice a mother losing her patience with a child and immediately intervene – but in a disarming way.
"I would give them a card with my picture, name and phone number and tell them, 'If you need a break, just give me a call,' " she said.
Many called.
She says many of the children she has received come from households torn apart by drugs.
"I tell the parents, 'I'm not here to take your child. I'm here to take care of your child until you get yourself together,' " Aikens said.
But not everyone appreciated her frequent interventions.
"One woman told me it's not my business and I said, 'Well, it is my business – my business is to love,' " she said.
By 1987, when she married Manuel J. Aikens, she had unofficially fostered 200 children, then another 100 before getting her foster license in 1990. Since then, Aikens has been a foster mother to more than 900 kids. The most she has cared for at once is eight. Her own daughter, Tonisha, is now grown, living in Oakland and working in child care. There were four adoptions.
An adopted daughter, 18-year-old Desirae, attends American River College with hopes of becoming a pediatrician. The child of parents from Nigeria, she has been with the Aikens family since she was 11 months old, meaning she has lived with 800-plus foster children. "It gives (foster) kids a chance to be in a house with other kids and with a family that loves kids a lot," she said.
Aikens and her husband moved to Natomas in 2006 after Manuel retired. In 2007, Aikens parlayed her firsthand expertise into a job with the Sacramento County Department of Health and Human Services. As a resource family liaison, she solves problems and gives field-tested advice to adoptive and foster parents.
Soft-spoken Manuel Aikens is supportive of his wife's role as a superstar foster parent.
"I enjoy doing it, seeing the kids grow up, the nurturing and the love that we give them," he said.
Asked about her secret to getting through to kids, Mary Anne Aikens said, "If they speak, you give them the chance to say what they want to say.
"I see where a lot of parents parent their children like they are their friends," she said. "They party with them and smoke and drink with them. Sometimes when you do these things, the children don't respect themselves or the parent."
Aikens shows no sign of slowing down. Being a foster mom to so many has defined her life.
"Helping these children retain their living standard helps me to retain my living standard," she said, just as little Cameron walked into the kitchen to say hello.
This article has been changed from the print version to correct an error in familial relationships.
Call The Bee's Blair Anthony Robertson, (916) 321-1099.
