SAN FRANCISCO – Sometimes, it's fun to play tourist in "The City." Without out-of-state visitors in tow, you can come here and not act like it's your ho-hum turf. Try pretending that you live more than 90 minutes away, that you are here for the first time, and that you need a quick overview of the city's many possibilities.
I'm not suggesting you should go so far as to call it "Frisco," but you might consider taking a "duck" tour.
DUKW vehicles, rooted in World War II military operations, are the essence of sightseeing adaptability. With their six wheels and propeller, they traverse land and sea seamlessly, and passengers don't have to move. Open-air seats are high enough off the ground (or water) that patrons can see over the tops of cars, bobbing seals and other low-profile obstacles.
The tours are offered in dozens of other cities, including Boston, Seattle, and Oahu, Hawaii. A couple of companies offer them in San Francisco.
On a sunny weekday early this fall, three women from Australia were upbeat about their Bay Quackers adventure.
"I thought it was fabulous," said Debbie Bloomfield of Tin Can Bay, near Brisbane on east-central Australia's Gold Coast. I spoke with her near Fisherman's Wharf a few minutes after we had de-ducked. She and her aunts, fellow Aussies Roseanne Dean and Helen Elms, had just started an eight-week, round-the-world trip whose itinerary was to include Las Vegas, New York, Europe and Bangkok, Thailand.
It was only their second day in San Francisco, but already they had taken four or five tours.
"He's the best guide that we've had," Bloomfield said about the Bay Quackers' congenial Ingemar Olsson. "The other tour operators were very talky. They enjoyed the sound of their own voices."
The aunts nodded in agreement. Suddenly, finding herself being interviewed by a Yankee reporter, Bloomfield blurted, "We already made the papers!"
They all laughed, and laughed even harder when she referred to her elderly companions as "the dementia sisters." (Am I alone in thinking Australians are more amused by life than we Americans are?)
Earlier, at noon, we had boarded Psychadela-Duck. Bay Quackers names its hybrid vessels after San Francisco neighborhoods; can you guess which part of town this one referred to? (Answer: Haight-Ashbury.) Another vessel, "Peking Duck," is a goofy nod to Chinatown. That should give you an idea of the duck tour humor's sophistication level – that and the fact riders are encouraged to blow their duck whistles at pedestrians and open-windowed drivers. "Quack, quack!" Olsson would prompt us.
"Does anyone know the dominant architectural style in San Francisco?" Olsson said as we rattled away inland from the wharf area. "It starts with a 'V' and ends with 'ictorian.' "
He continued with the one- liners for all 90 minutes. Depending on one's mood, they induced chuckles or groans. Here's a sampling:
• As we passed the San Francisco Giants' ballpark, originally called Pacific Bell Park, later SBC Park and now AT&T Park (after just eight years in existence!), Olsson pointed out some street signs that still say "SBC Park." "I think they should leave the signs as is – SBC Park, for 'Some Big Corporation.' Quack, quack!"
• In the bay just south of the ballpark, as we slowly made our way around the USS Cape Horn, Olsson said we could tell friends we had "sailed around Cape Horn."
• "This duck is 63 years old. Well, that's two years younger than I am, but we are both Coast Guard inspected and certified."
• As the Psychadela-Duck waddled up the ramp from water to land, the guide cracked dryly, "This is what I call evolution."
• Near the Ferry Building, Olsson pointed out a eight-legged statue with birds underneath. "I call that one 'Crouching Spider, Hiding Pigeons.' Quack quack!"
Even some of the "serious" things Olsson said had some humorous aspects. For example, as we passed Union Square he pointed to the tall monument that honors a Naval victory during the Spanish-American War. Atop it is a female figure Olsson said was modeled after Alma Spreckels, a former nude model who married sugar baron Adolph Spreckels. That particular couple's union, Olsson claimed, gave birth to the expression "sugar daddy."
On the Monday I rode along, Psychadela-Duck was maybe three-quarters full, with 15 passengers. By the time we returned, a dozen or more people were lined up for the 2 p.m. tour.
John E. Scannell, Bay Quackers' president and chief executive officer, told me via e-mail that "2008 was our best year ever, and our ridership during the summer beat our expectations. We have been experiencing a softer shoulder season, which can be attributed to the slower economy and the drop in leisure travel."
Tickets, which can be reserved via telephone for the time being (until the Web site is renovated), must be purchased at Bay Quackers' small office at 2800 Leavenworth St. No. 16, a block and a half from the water just south of Jefferson Street.
The fare is $35 general; $32 for students, military veterans and people ages 62 and older; and $25 for children ages 12 and younger. From November through February, daily departures are at 11 a.m., 1 and 3 p.m. For tickets and more information, call (415) 431-3825 or go to www.bayquackers.com.
Call The Bee's Reed Parsell, (916) 321-1913.
