Joseph Weems and Randall Won celebrated their first anniversary with a low-key weekend barbecue for friends at their Land Park home. Ellen Pontac and Shelly Bailes sipped mango mimosas, then took a walk around Davis and had a quiet dinner. Laurie Warren and Seanain Snow didn't celebrate at all.

"Until everybody who wants to has the legal right to marry, it's a very small token to us that our marriage is legal," said Snow, 39, a stay-at-home mom who lives in Davis.

A bittersweet season of first anniversaries began last week for an estimated 18,000 same-sex couples across California, married during what turned out to be a five-month legal window before voters passed Proposition 8 in November.

For the state's gay and lesbian couples, getting married depends more on the courts and the electorate than on romantic proposals and elaborate wedding plans.

In May 2008, the state Supreme Court ruled that California's ban on same-sex marriage was illegal, opening the door for a summer and early fall of gay and lesbian weddings. Proposition 8, which passed by a 52 percent margin, reinstated the ban.

Late last month, the state Supreme Court upheld both Proposition 8 – which defines marriage as being between a man and a woman – and the marriages of same-sex couples who legally wed between June 16 and Nov. 4 last year.

"It's unfortunate that the court turned down our request (in May 2008) to put off its decision until the people had a chance to vote on Prop. 8, which would have avoided this situation of having this small class of same-sex couples celebrating anniversaries," said Andrew Pugno, the Folsom attorney who drafted the ballot measure for the ProtectMarriage.com campaign.

"Perhaps the court did not believe the people would pass Prop. 8."

The existence of a unique subset of gay and lesbian married couples bothers the Rev. Rick Schlosser, as well – but from the opposite side of the issue.

"There are thousands and thousands more couples in California in long-term, loving relationships who would like to have those relationships solemnized and recognized as well," said Schlosser, California Council of Churches executive director, who married his partner last July 23.

Weems, 52, and Won, 40, were the third same-sex couple to wed in Sacramento County last June. They've been partners for 12 years.

"Our wedding reinforced that this is my life commitment," said Weems, an analyst with the state. "Being married makes me want to be a better person. I try to be the best person I can be in my relationship with Randy, because he made that commitment to me."

A few dozen friends joined them at their barbecue, which they hosted two days after their actual anniversary. Won, a Caltrans engineer, said he is disappointed that other same-sex couples in California aren't allowed to marry.

"We think of history going forward, forward, forward," said Kevin Moss, a Russian professor and gay and lesbian student alliance adviser at Vermont's Middlebury College. "But in terms of the history of tolerance, that's not always the case."

Vermont, which legalized civil unions in 2000, recently passed legislation sanctioning same-sex marriage, as did Maine and New Hampshire. Gay and lesbian marriage is also legal in Connecticut, Massachusetts and Iowa. New York and Washington, D.C., recognize same-sex ceremonies performed elsewhere.

"Our anniversary felt sad in a way," said Bailes, 68.

The day after their subdued celebration, she and Pontac attended a pro-gay-and-lesbian-marriage rally in Sacramento.

"What good is it if other people can't have all the rights I have?" Bailes said. "We're not fighting for our marriage. We're fighting for equality."

© Copyright The Sacramento Bee. All rights reserved.

Call The Bee's Anita Creamer, (916) 321-1136.