Dear Kids:

Congratulations on another successful school year! You are now one step closer to college – a goal your family has discussed and planned since the day you were born.

High school counselors and college recruiters will talk to you about your abilities and aspirations, and about how best to fit those to the school of your dreams. Please don't believe them. It's time for you to hear the unvarnished truth about college before you pick up a lot of nonsense from kids on the street.

College isn't about scholarship, elucidation or even education. It's about earning potential, about earning top dollar on the investment poured into you since day one. Choose wisely, and you'll have a shot at a decent car and a multi-bedroom home with a three-car garage and multiple flat screen TVs. Squander your education and you'll be flipping burgers and asking your peers how they feel about fries with their order.

How do we know this? Well kids, we've been reading the news, and the news about college isn't good. There's a Rutgers University study out there showing that only 53 percent of college graduates who got their degree in the previous four years are working full-time. Their median salary used to be $30,000 in 2006 and 2007 – but it dropped to $27,000 in 2009 and 2010. About half of those graduates said their first job didn't even require a bachelor's degree – and that their parents had to help them financially.

Two-thirds of college graduates are now leaving college in debt – typically owing more than $34,000, according to a national authority on student lending. Meanwhile, tuition costs are growing and are projected to increase 8 percent at the University of California this fall. No wonder a majority of Americans recently told Pew researchers that college just isn't a good deal anymore.

The cheery news about college? Amazingly, you can get paid for not going! The whiz kid who founded PayPal has created a foundation to pay 24 students under age 20 a hundred grand each to free their minds and their time by dropping out of college and creating new technology.

And if you do decide to go, there's a handy list created by the Georgetown University Center on Education and the Workforce showing which college majors result in the highest median earning. Kids, please consider petroleum engineering at $120,000 per year. Avoid counseling/psychology at $29,000, or early childhood education at $36,000. Theology and religious vocations are apparently worth about $38,000. (What would Jesus do? Choose another major!)

Once, college was considered a path to learning. Educated people wanted to learn about their world and the world wanted educated people that they could then train for a profession. Back in our history, only privileged men went to college. World War II and the GI Bill opened it up to working families, like your grandparents, who were the first kids in their families lucky enough to have the university doors swing open to them.

In recent years, colleges have tried to diversify admission so that kids from all walks of life can have the college advantage.

College is still a place to learn where civilization has been and from that, where it might be going. It is still a place to learn how to research and how to question what researchers have already discovered. But there's a good possibility that college will never make you rich – at least not rich in the kind of commodities you'll be able to trade on the open market.

So, dear children, if you do decide to throw caution to the wind and attend college, choose your courses carefully.

Do not study English. There is absolutely no good reason to ready the works of Shakespeare, Dickens, Hugo or Steinbeck. What can people dead for years contribute to your understanding of humanity in the 21st century?

Don't waste your time with history. People have fought and died, stood up for human rights, amassed empires long since gone and nearly forgotten. You don't need to know why.

Scientific discoveries? Everything you need to know about what works is in your kitchen, your cell phone, your car and your computer. If something is bad for you, your doctor or the government will surely let you know.

Political science? Your union or your boss will tell you how to vote – or better yet, where to send the check.

And don't even bother learning about the arts. If you're really successful in your adult life, you won't have either the time or the inclination to ponder a Picasso or wonder how Beethoven composed symphonies while he was completely deaf.

You see, kids, most of what they want to teach you in those colleges and universities you're dreaming about is an utter waste of your time and your parents' resources. If you're lucky, a good, solid liberal arts education will be a thing of the past by the time your kids are ready to leave the nest.

Everything you need to know is probably on Google. The rest is just filler.

© Copyright The Sacramento Bee. All rights reserved.

Jill Duman is a journalist, parent and part-time playground attendant who lives in Davis.

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