History, like a bean burrito, often repeats itself.

Or, as it is more poetically expressed in Ecclesiastes 1: 9, "there is no new thing under the sun."

Whether you prefer sun or beans, the fact is we're all very busy. A lot of stuff that is probably going to happen in 2012 is a lot like the stuff that probably happened in 2011. So to save you considerable time in the coming year, here's a look back at some memorable events that haven't happened yet, but that you might have forgotten anyway had they actually occurred.

You're welcome.

Jan. 3: Texas Rep. Ron Paul pulls off an upset win in the Iowa GOP presidential caucuses. Exit polls show many Iowans confused him with RuPaul, the celebrity drag queen, apparently because of the pair's similar views on allowing Iran to develop nuclear weapons, and wearing pajamas as day wear.

Jan. 10: RuPaul wins the New Hampshire GOP primary.

Jan. 11: Alarmed at the lack of a clear front-runner in the GOP presidential nomination race, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin declares her candidacy. She quits the next day, explaining that she needs to spend more quality time with her family. She makes the announcement surrounded by her family, on the "Jerry Springer Show."

Feb. 5: The San Francisco 49ers defeat the Oakland Raiders in Super Bowl XLVI in Indianapolis. The final score is XXVII-XX.

March 1: City officials and the Sacramento Kings announce they have reached an agreement to build a new municipal arena to house the team. Under the complex arrangement, the arena will be built on a vacant lot owned by a cranky old lady, across from Mayor Kevin Johnson's house in Curtis Park. The new arena will be financed in part by giving fans the choice of a free taco after every Kings' home win, or donating the 79-cent cost of the taco to arena construction. The team's owners, the Maloofs, agree to keep beer prices at the new arena under $12 for at least two seasons.

March 27: Angered during negotiations over the federal budget, House Speaker John Boehner throws a bucket of water over House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi. The two are pulled apart by winged monkeys from both caucuses. Boehner is surprised that Pelosi does not melt, and sulks for two days behind the curtain in the corner.

April 14: Something pretty important happens in Europe, involving Romania, stabilization of the euro, and a large duck.

June 5: Sacramento voters nix Mayor Kevin Johnson's strong-mayor plan. Voters in Modesto, however, approve a plan to try to make their city less like Fresno.

June 11: The Sacramento Kings win the NBA championship in a thrilling seven-game series with the New York Knicks. Jubilant team owner Gavin Maloof proclaims, "We owe it all to our fans and the city of Sacramento, and I mean that literally."

June 15: Legislators approve a state budget. It closes all state parks and calls for the sale of the University of California to Wal-Mart. It also contains language that triggers additional spending cuts if it fails to snow in L.A. on Labor Day.

Aug. 14: A team of international archaeologists announce they have "really good" evidence that a Chinese fleet explored the coast of California in the ninth century. After several months, the evidence suggests, the explorers left for Texas because of its better business climate.

Aug. 29: Former Massachusetts Gov. Willard M. Romney accepts the GOP presidential nomination at the party's convention in Tampa, after a long, close and yet almost completely unedifying race with former House Speaker Newton L. Gingrich. Republican voters apparently prefer a Mitt to a Newt.

Sept. 5: In the middle of his Democratic presidential nomination acceptance speech in Charlotte, N.C., President Barack Obama suddenly realizes no one is listening, shrugs and leaves to shoot hoops with a couple of college buddies from Kenya. His approval rating soars.

Oct. 15: Some more stuff happens in Europe, and also in Africa. Or Asia.

Nov. 6: President Obama wins re-election in one of the closest races in U.S. history. Voter turnout is only 17 percent, which pundits ascribe to widespread disgust with the U.S. political system and "all that stuff happening in Europe."

Dec. 15: Sacramento Kings officials announce the team will leave for the city of Anaheim next year, unless construction begins on an even newer arena as soon as the arena currently being built is finished.

Dec. 21: The world ends. Turns out the Mayans were right.

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Steve Wiegand is a Sacramento writer who didn't get a calendar for Christmas.

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