It's a new year, and I'm going to jump right in to the topic of sex.

Don't run and hide; it never works. Your children always find you, and – on the topic of sex – there will be questions. They're going to look to you for guidance.

No matter how much we may want to shoo them away, we know that's not very helpful or effective.

Talking about sex is another aspect of parenting that's just plain difficult and uncomfortable at times. The most important parenting issues usually are.

I recently read a very enlightening article in the Wall Street Journal in which columnist Elizabeth Bernstein tackled "the talk." What I loved was the idea of the subject of sex being an ongoing discussion with your children as opposed to one specific let's-sit-down-and-talk-about-sex scenario.

The truth of the matter is, children are curious and want to make sense of their world. Learning about body parts, how these body parts work and how they came to be will be topics of conversation well before they even enter kindergarten.

Your preschooler likely has asked such questions as, "How did I get in your belly?" Or, as my son pressured me the other day: "How exactly did I get out of your belly?"

Truth be told, I did want to hide at that moment. I wanted to say something about magic … but that only works with Santa, not childbirth.

He's 6, so I was honest to a point. I told him how the doctors got him out, end of story. In retrospect, I think I could have been a bit more specific. I just wasn't sure he was ready for some unnecessary details. I asked him if that made sense and he said yes.

Another confession? Both my children just learned the correct anatomical terms for their private parts. By most expert accounts, I'm pretty late to the party on that one and I should have chucked the euphemisms long ago.

How do we know what is right when it comes to discussing sex with our children?

Honesty and age-appropriateness are at the crux of finding the right way for you and your family to have the discussion. Keep in mind that every child is unique and what information you give – and when – will depend on the age and developmental stage of your child. There are no wrong answers and it's OK to admit when you don't know.

With that in mind, here are some general tips:

• Start early by teaching your children the correct clinical terms for their private parts – penis, vagina, breasts. (I cringed a little when my children first said them.) Be matter-of-fact, as if you were teaching them about knees and elbows.

• Teach them about safe and unsafe touching. Make sure they know that their private parts are private.

• Answer questions as honestly and simply as you can. Remember that 4- and 5-year-olds, though curious, are not usually asking for detailed responses. Be brief with your answers. Ask them if that's what they wanted to know. Gauge their response and reaction to see if they need more or if they understand what they need to for their age.

• With each passing year, your child will need more detail. Generally, by the time a child is 8, he should have some concept of what sexual intercourse is. (I have a little over a year to tackle this one!) This is also the time to start impressing upon your child the values you hold regarding sex. Discuss the importance of trust, love and respect.

In short, if you've waited until your child is 16 to have any discussion about sex, you've waited too long.

This is a delicate subject, and the best we can do is to be honest and make sure our children know we are the go-to source for such information.

After all, our ultimate goal is to keep our children healthy and safe. And when it comes to sex, there's a lot for them to learn to keep them that way.

Leave the euphemisms out of it. Do your best to handle this tough topic with grace, honesty, and a heaping dose of courage.

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Dr. Melissa Arca is a mother of two, a writer and a blogger. Her blog, www.confessionsofadrmom.com, is where her worlds of doctor and mom come together, and it is featured on The Bee's blog and community news network, Sacramento Connect.

• Read more articles by Melissa Arca