DEAR KELLY: I think my grandma is a compulsive gambler. She always asks my parents for loans until her money comes in at the beginning of each month, but I don't know if she pays them back or not.

I hear them talking about how she needs money and how frustrated they are when she tells them she was at the Indian casinos all day spending whatever they gave her.

What can I do?

It makes me mad because she never spends any money on us. She's always talking about how much money she doesn't have, but I know she buys lottery tickets and scratchers, and loves spending all day at the casinos. When she does offer to take us to dinner, it's at the casino.

People at the casino know her by name, and my family laughs at this, while it just makes me more angry.

I'm the only one in the family who seems bothered.

My mom said she doesn't know what to do. She loves her mother but knows she's a mess when it comes to money and gambling. I told her to stop giving her money, but my mom feels bad for her. When my mom mentions it, my grandma gets angry and won't talk to her for a few weeks.

I'm getting close to going away to college, and I know my parents won't have any extra money if I go away. Sometimes I'm more mad at my mom than at my grandma because I think my mom's to blame just as much.

Please tell me what to do or what to tell my parents.

– Grumpy With Grandma

DEAR GRUMPY: Your instincts are correct, and the boundaries you are trying to help your mom set seem appropriate. Unfortunately, it is your parents' money, and they are allowed to spend it however they see fit. You can suggest they reconsider giving it to grandma, but beyond that you can't do much.

From what you describe, your grandmother does sound like a compulsive gambler. Problem gambling is any gambling behavior that disrupts one's life. If the person is preoccupied with gambling, spending more and more time and money on it, chasing losses, or gambling despite serious consequences, then she has a gambling problem.

The fact that your grandmother runs out of money in the middle of the month and gambles money she borrows from your parents is a sure sign of a problem.

Until your mom is able to stop enabling her mother by supplementing her income when she runs out, your grandmother will continue to gamble.

Your mom needs support to make this decision, not harassment. She needs people to help her set limits with her mom.

Your mom has conflicting emotions and talking to a professional can help her sort out these feelings. It also would give her the tools she needs to be able to stand up to Grandma when she asks for money.

Gam Anon is a self-help group that offers support for family members of compulsive gamblers. She can also call the National Council on Problem Gambling, which offers a 24-hour help line for problem gamblers or their families. Their number is (800) 522-4700.

Compulsive gambling can ruin finances and family relationships.

It can't be ignored.

Your mom needs help to stop the cycle and stop enabling your grandmother's addiction to gambling.

Offer your mom support on this hard journey, not criticism or judgment.

© Copyright The Sacramento Bee. All rights reserved.

Write to Kelly Richardson at Teen Talk, The Sacramento Bee, P.O. Box 15880, Sacramento, CA 95852, or email krichardson @ sacbee.com.

• Read more articles by