DEAR CAROLYN: I recently signed a deal with a large publishing house to write a technical book for them. I'm super-jazzed, and I've told pretty much everyone about it … but I've left out my mother.

Why? Well, she has a downer way of looking at anything I get interested in. She told me, at 7, that even though I was good at art, I'd better do something else with my life, or I'd starve. (Who says that to a second-grader?) When I got interested in computers, she said I probably wouldn't be able to pick up a new language every other year. (I've done just fine, thank you.) She doesn't understand why I want to play with circuit boards on my weekends rather than go shopping with her. (I. Have. Enough. Sweaters.)

Et cetera. Et cetera.

Anyway, her negative attitude often sucks the enjoyment out of what I was doing, and it takes forever to get that momentum back. I can't afford to be down for a week or two when I have a deadline.

But what do I do when the book is published and she realizes I haven't told her? She'll be hurt, since she sees us as super close, and I am beginning to see that the fallout could be nasty.

Any thoughts on waiting? Fessing up? Soothing words?

– D.C. Writer

DEAR WRITER: When do you want your pain – now or later?

I'm hoping a technical writer will appreciate that useful words are often the most soothing ones.

You say you "can't afford" to lose two weeks (!) of your allotted writing time, and if that's true – then your decision has already been made: write book, tell Mom, duck.

But neither of your givens is a given, I suspect.

You already know that your mom will be negative. And yet you're ready to write as-is, no?

In other words, you're apparently in fine writing form now, fully aware that your mom will shoot holes in your accomplishment – so why would actually hearing her negativity change anything?

Instead of continually granting Mom this power, perhaps it's time to adapt: to see her Eeyoreisms as just funny – funny odd or funny ha-ha, your call – or sad for her, or an obstacle to account for like traffic or bad weather, or something other than a reflection on you.

If you've tried to downsize Mom to no avail then, OK, just write. Write until your momentum gains the strength to withstand even Mom. Then say, "Hey, Mom, I'm writing a book." You can even decline to provide details with, "It's not a sure thing yet, so I'll tell you as soon as it is" – and tell her as soon as it is.

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Reach Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com or chat online with her at 9 a.m. Fridays at www.washingtonpost.com.

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