This is supposed to be the time of year when high-quality movies come out, whether they're potential Oscar contenders or crowd-pleasing family fare.
So the presence of flat, hacky, unfunny dreck like "Playing for Keeps" the kind of film that ordinarily tries to fly under the radar in January or February but would be torture to sit through in any month is a total mystery.
It is truly baffling that all the talented actors involved actually read this script and then agreed to devote their time to this movie, especially given its uncomfortably flagrant misogynistic streak. Judy Greer, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Uma Thurman couldn't possibly need work this badly. And yet, here they are as soccer moms shamelessly throwing themselves at Gerard Butler and his tousled, manly mane.
The Scottish hunk, still struggling with comedy following "The Ugly Truth" and "The Bounty Hunter," stars as George Dryer, a once-great soccer star who's now divorced and in financial straits. At the film's start, he has moved to suburban Virginia to reconnect with his ex-wife, Stacie (Jessica Biel), and their young son, Lewis (Noah Lomax). Naturally, a couple of things happen pretty quickly, accompanied by an intrusively jaunty score.
First, George gets suckered into coaching his kid's soccer team. Then, the mothers of all the other 9-year-olds start brazenly hitting on him, regardless of whether they're married or single. They're just so wildly hormonal, they can't control themselves.
Director Gabriele Muccino, who's had mixed results with Will Smith in "The Pursuit of Happyness" and "Seven Pounds," veers awkwardly between wacky high jinks and facile sentimentality, and Robbie Fox's script doesn't feature a single character who resembles an actual human being.
George is weirdly indifferent in the face of all this attention, the low point of which finds Thurman as a married socialite sneaking into his bed in a black bra and panties to seduce him in the middle of the night.
Then there's Greer, usually a standout comedian who can do nothing with her flimsy role as a needy, stalky divorcee. Zeta-Jones at least has the benefit of looking stylish and sultry as the former TV personality who uses her connections to woo him.
But George doesn't seem interested in any of these people, so why should we be? (Ah, yes, there's a subplot in which George aspires to be a sports anchor and magically gets a job offer as a soccer analyst on ESPN, despite having zero on-air experience, after just one audition.)
The men don't fare much better. Dennis Quaid is singularly manic and skeevy as Thurman's husband, a flashy high roller with a wicked jealous streak. And Stacie's personality-free fiancé (James Tupper) apparently hangs around the house all day just waiting to answer the front door disapprovingly when George arrives to pick up his son.
The one woman with an actual backbone and sense of values in this movie is Biel's character. Unfortunately, she's also rendered as bland, conservative and, oddly, a little frumpy. It's flat-out impossible to care whether they'll reconcile, although spoiler! that's just one of the many elements of the lazy, formulaic game plan in play here.
PLAYING FOR KEEPS
No stars
Cast: Gerard Butler, Jessica Biel, Judy Greer, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Uma Thurman, Noah Lomax and Dennis Quaid
Director: Gabriele Muccino
105 minutes
Rated PG-13 (sexual situations, language and a brief intense image)
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