We could write volumes about the many myths of marriage.
Since this is a column and not a volume of books, we'll just focus on these three biggies:
Myth 1. Problems before marriage get better with marriage. Yeah, right. File that with all the other myths that go under "love conquers all."
This myth is most often believed by those who have decided to get married no matter what. These folks can be more in love with the "idea of marriage" than the person they are marrying.
The younger you are the easier it is to believe this one.
The truth: Very few (if any) problems get completely solved by marriage. Create solutions before you get married. If you cannot find a solution, and it's a major issue, do not get married.
Myth 2. Our marriage will be different. Usually believed by those who grew up around a lousy marriage.
Now don't get me wrong. If you witnessed a lousy marriage growing up, then it's great that you want to do something different. It's just that saying you want it to be different and it actually having it be different are two different things. Patterns are tough to break.
The truth: While it starts with a decision, it does not end there. You must answer this question: "Exactly what steps am I/are we going to take to make sure it is different?" Only then do you have a fighting chance.
Myth 3. Having a child will make things better. Probably the oldest one out there. Starting a family, having someone else to love, a great distraction. These are all parts of the thinking that go into this myth. It's just that it very, very rarely ever happens that way.
The truth: Although it's great to start a family, and no one is ever completely ready, a baby does not solve marital problems. Get the problems fixed and then have children.
Already pregnant and the problems are not fixed. Get together with a good relationship coach and get these things fixed. Now. For everyone's sake.
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�2013, Jeff Herring and Maritza Parra
See more at www.creativedateideas.com
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