Sign up for The SacMomsClub Newsletter     
Submission was successful. Go here to sign up for more newsletters.
There seems to have been an error with your submission. Try again
We're sorry but you are already subscribed.



0 comments | Print

Your 13-year-old is spending her money on flashy, colorful bras. Does this mean anything?

Published: Tuesday, Apr. 2, 2013 - 1:00 am

Parent advice (from our panel of staff contributors):

"Not at all. It's a rite of passage for 13-year-old girls. The fact that she wants them to be flashy and colorful doesn't mean she is going to flaunt the bras - blame it on Victoria's Secret for inspiring her. Let your daughter enjoy her developmental milestone." - Brenda Richardson

"I'd be more worried about the spending part than the bra part. Every teenage girl wears colorful, even outrageous underwear. But if that's where all her money goes, it's time for a talk." - Ellen Warren

"Only going by advertising fliers, my just-passing-through walks in lingerie departments, and the La Perla store between my office and the ATM, but do they sell non-flashy bras anymore?" - Phil Vettel

Expert advice:

A quick jaunt through Justice, where tie-dyed bras hang next to tie-dyed book bags (and tie-dyed journals and tie-dyed fuzzy slippers and tie-dyed headbands), is evidence enough that a flashy, colorful bra is about as suggestive as ... a book bag (or a journal or fuzzy slippers or, well, you get the point).

"It's not like when we grew up, and it was all white or beige or - if you were really lucky - days-of-the-week underwear," says clinical psychologist Roni Cohen-Sandler, author of "Stressed-Out Girls: Helping Them Thrive in the Age of Pressure" (Penguin). "She's just taking advantage of what's offered. This is the norm now."

She's also embracing a period of life that can be pretty angsty.

"I think it's wonderful that she has found a way to be comfortable with her new body," Cohen-Sandler says. "When girls experience puberty and their breasts start growing, some are more comfortable with it than others. I love that she has embraced wearing bras and found a way to take care of her body and dress in an appropriate and fun way by experimenting with something that's invisible to most other people."

If the fear is that the bra is actually visible to other people - and not just her teammates in the locker room - that's a topic you should certainly explore with her. But make sure it's based on more than a bra.

"I wouldn't think you could extrapolate that this girl is being an exhibitionist," Cohen-Sandler says. "If the concern is that this might be a sign of something sexual going on, you're hopefully going on more evidence and other sources of concern as well."

"And hopefully by age 13 you're already having conversations with your daughter about sexuality and her own self-worth," she adds.

The bras, though, are most likely innocent indulgences.

"A bra itself would not bring me concern unless it's in the context of many other things," she says. "I think she's buying them because they're fun and she can make a fashion statement in a quiet way that's cute and fun and lets her feel good about herself."

Have a solution? Your son doesn't want you at his high school band concerts. Should you attend anyway? Find "The Parent 'Hood" page on Facebook, where you can post your parenting questions and offer tips and solutions for others to try.

Read more articles by HEIDI STEVENS



About Comments

Reader comments on Sacbee.com are the opinions of the writer, not The Sacramento Bee. If you see an objectionable comment, click the "Report Abuse" link below it. We will delete comments containing inappropriate links, obscenities, hate speech, and personal attacks. Flagrant or repeat violators will be banned. See more about comments here.

What You Should Know About Comments on Sacbee.com

Sacbee.com is happy to provide a forum for reader interaction, discussion, feedback and reaction to our stories. However, we reserve the right to delete inappropriate comments or ban users who can't play nice. (See our full terms of service here.)

Here are some rules of the road:

• Keep your comments civil. Don't insult one another or the subjects of our articles. If you think a comment violates our guidelines click the "Report Abuse" link to notify the moderators. Responding to the comment will only encourage bad behavior.

• Don't use profanities, vulgarities or hate speech. This is a general interest news site. Sometimes, there are children present. Don't say anything in a way you wouldn't want your own child to hear.

• Do not attack other users; focus your comments on issues, not individuals.

• Stay on topic. Only post comments relevant to the article at hand.

• Do not copy and paste outside material into the comment box.

• Don't repeat the same comment over and over. We heard you the first time.

• Do not use the commenting system for advertising. That's spam and it isn't allowed.

• Don't use all capital letters. That's akin to yelling and not appreciated by the audience.

• Don't flag other users' comments just because you don't agree with their point of view. Please only flag comments that violate these guidelines.

You should also know that The Sacramento Bee does not screen comments before they are posted. You are more likely to see inappropriate comments before our staff does, so we ask that you click the "Report Abuse" link to submit those comments for moderator review. You also may notify us via email at feedback@sacbee.com. Note the headline on which the comment is made and tell us the profile name of the user who made the comment. Remember, comment moderation is subjective. You may find some material objectionable that we won't and vice versa.

If you submit a comment, the user name of your account will appear along with it. Users cannot remove their own comments once they have submitted them.

hide comments
Sacramento Bee Job listing powered by Careerbuilder.com
Quick Job Search
Buy
Used Cars
Dealer and private-party ads
Make:

Model:

Price Range:
to
Search within:
miles of ZIP

Advanced Search | 1982 & Older



Find 'n' Save Daily DealGet the Deal!

Local Deals