This, that and the other thing:
To lift a one-liner from comedian Ron White: You can't fix stupid.
But you can throw it in jail for 30 days, as Chad Johnson formerly Chad Ochocinco found out Monday morning.
The former NFL wide receiver was in a Florida courtroom to finalize a plea bargain to stay out of jail after failing to meet with his probation officer. Johnson was on probation after pleading no contest to a domestic violence charge last year.
When it appeared Judge Kathleen McHugh was about to accept the plea deal, Johnson turned toward his attorney and gave him a slap on the fanny as if he had just scored a touchdown.
McHugh didn't laugh along with the rest of the courtroom, rejecting Johnson's apology and his plea bargain.
See you in 30 days, Chad, and hands to yourself while in jail.
This is why baseball will always survive despite its own undoing:
In the same week we were introduced to Anthony Bosch, the central figure in the Biogenesis performance-enhancing drug scandal that could see some of the game's top players suspended for 100 games, Cuban defector Yasiel Puig, 22, made his major-league debut with the Dodgers.
In his first week with Los Angeles, Puig batted .464 with four homers and 10 RBIs. He also threw out two runners from the outfield.
Just a hunch, but we're betting Puig is here long after Bosch is gone.
What to surf
Chad Johnson in court: Check out what got Chad Johnson sent to jail.
What to watch
NBA Finals, Miami at San Antonio, 6 p.m., Ch. 10: Can the Spurs rebound from the rout in Game 2?
What to do
Baseball, New York Yankees at A's, 7:05 p.m., O.co Coliseum: The A's have won 18 of their last 23 games.
Whom should the Kings draft?
Anthony Bennett, UNLV
Trey Burke, Michigan
Cody Zeller, Indiana
Michael Carter-Williams, Syracuse
Shabazz Muhammad, UCLA
Vote above or leave your comments in the comments field.
Monday's poll results
Who is the greatest coach in NFL history?
Paul Brown: 4%
George Halas: 2%
Vince Lombardi: 27%
Chuck Noll: 3%
Don Shula: 4%
Bill Walsh: 57%
Total votes: 283
Call The Bee's Victor Contreras, (916) 326-5527. Follow him on Twitter @SacBeeVictor.