BOSTON – When Michele Frost and Mary Helen Walker enrolled their 3-year-old daughter Shea in preschool, it required a change in the school application form. But it was no big deal: Officials simply substituted the words "mother" and "father" with "Parent 1" and "Parent 2."

And when they got their marriage license, city employees behind the counter were more interested in the child than in questioning the two lesbians about their relationship.

"We have been greeted so warmly," said Frost, 42, who three years ago moved from Chicago to Quincy, Mass., just south of Boston. "We've just had a great experience."

Nearly five years after the state's Supreme Court ruled that a ban on gay marriage was unconstitutional, the vitriolic battle that brought international attention and apocalyptic fears to Massachusetts is all but dead. Since the first marriages on May 17, 2004, more than 11,000 couples have wed. Polls have shown consistent public support for gay couples.

And with overwhelming support for gay marriage in the state Legislature – the last effort to put a constitutional ban on the ballot failed by a vote of 151 to 45 – the opposition has, for the most part, packed its bags and gone home.

"The biggest surprise about the whole thing is that there really has been no surprise," said Republican state Rep. Paul Loscocco. "It's been fairly much a nonevent."

California vote seen as pivotal

While gay marriage is firmly entrenched in Massachusetts, gay activists in the Bay State say the future of the movement nationally could well depend on what happens in California.

In May, the California Supreme Court made the state the second to legalize gay marriage, but voters will get the final say on Nov. 4 when they decide whether to back Proposition 8 to ban same-sex marriage in the state constitution.

A Field Poll released last month showed that 51 percent of likely voters would oppose the ballot initiative, while 42 percent would support it.

"As goes California, so goes the rest of country," said Joyce Kauffman, a lawyer in Cambridge who's active in promoting gay and lesbian issues.

As Californians prepare to vote, Loscocco is advising them to keep an open mind. He certainly did. When the Massachusetts court made its decision in November 2003, Loscocco railed against it as an act of judicial tyranny.

Now he calls gay marriage an opportunity "for people to come out of the shadows," a bold experiment that's consistent with America's great laboratory of ideas. And sitting next to a framed photograph of Ronald Reagan in his state office, he suggests that even the Gipper might back gay marriage today.

"He was certainly a hero of mine and I think that he was always a fair and open-minded person," said Loscocco, adding that his change of heart is consistent with a change in attitudes among his constituents.

Five years ago, he said, 70 percent of those who weighed in on gay marriage opposed it, while now 70 percent support it. And among younger voters in his district, support is closer to 90 percent, he said.

Kauffman said the legalization of gay marriage in Massachusetts and California represents "an amazing advance in the law" and signals "a sea change of attitudes toward the gay community."

And she predicted that more states will follow suit: "I am confident that at some point in the not too distant future, gay marriage will become the reality across the country."

Not only has much of the controversy faded in Massachusetts, but gay marriage is now regarded as a big tourist draw.

State clears way for wedding business

And the state is making it clear it wants to compete with California for wedding business.

Gay activist Marc Solomon, whose sunny office overlooks the gold-domed statehouse on tony Beacon Hill, said it was a loud wake-up call for Massachusetts when California legalized gay marriage. With California going further than Massachusetts, allowing out-of-state couples to legally marry in the state, Solomon and his backers wanted to repeal a 1913 law that banned such marriages.

Call Rob Hotakainen, McClatchy Washington Bureau, (202) 383-0009.