The so-called Silver Tsunami has hit California roads, flooding us with some agonizing, yet important, lifestyle questions.

As the senior driver population booms, many of us must ask: Does Dad really belong behind the wheel? Are we paying attention to a potential problem, or averting our eyes?

And, if you're among the aging drivers out there, be honest. How's your driving these days? Had any close calls lately?

The California Highway Patrol and state Office of Traffic Safety are preparing to distribute two DVDs offering blunt warnings about the dangers of drivers whose mental and physical capabilities are deteriorating.

One message is aimed at baby boomers: You can't wait until something bad happens. You have a responsibility to older drivers in your family to step in if tell-tale signs of problems crop up.

Your parent could kill someone.

Yes, there are plenty of very good senior drivers. In fact, seniors are not the most crash-prone drivers on the road. Sixteen- and 17-year-old drivers crash at higher rates than 85-year-olds.

But a crash is more likely to seriously injure or kill an elderly person, state safety officials say. Seniors are more frail.

The CHP message to seniors is a bit more gentle: Please recognize that the older you get, the more limitations you are likely to have. Medications may slow your reaction time. Cataracts may cloud your night vision.

There are exercises you can do and driving classes aimed at older drivers that help compensate for diminished abilities. But you need to prepare for the day you may have to give up your license.

Some seniors worry that losing their license is like a death sentence. Jimmie Chism in rural Auburn says the loss of his license makes him feel "totally helpless, a king in a castle with no horses."

It doesn't have to be that bad. When Bud Riley backed out of his driveway one day, through a fence and into his neighbor's kitchen, his son showed up with a red, three-wheeled bike. Riley felt embarrassed at first. Now, he likes the bike.

Family dynamics, however, often are complicated.

Many smart, successful, middle-aged parents find it hard to confront their own parents.

Comments from a CHP focus group show that discomfort:

"He's always been the captain of the ship," a woman says of her aging dad. "I feel like I'm talking back," one grown-up says. "In my culture, you don't disrespect your parents," another one says.

As a counterpoint, however, another woman, tears in eyes, talks about how her mother was killed in a crosswalk by a disoriented 77- year-old driver.

"Anybody who has a doubt ... needs to do something about it," she says.

That may not have to be as dire as turning a person in to the DMV.

It may mean teaming up with siblings and friends to drive a senior on longer trips, at night or on freeways. It may mean signing them up for those driving lessons and exercises for older drivers. It may mean persuading a parent to accept a restricted license, good only in the immediate neighborhood.

"This stuff is not easy," the CHP's Kent Milton says. "But we have to make that cultural change."

For information about the DVDs, contact the CHP at 916-657-7222 or at jlikes@chp.ca.gov