Teen Talk: He's smitten, but she's not ready for relationship

06/12/2012 12:00 AM

06/11/2012 3:46 PM

DEAR KELLY: I recently met my best friend's cousin at a barbecue at his house. We hit it off, and at the end of the night I asked for her number. We started texting all the time, and I really liked her.

The next time her family came up, she and I hung out for two days straight and it was all good. She asked me to come visit her sometime, (she lives 45 minutes away) and we agreed that we were together and wouldn't talk to other people.

I went to visit her twice, and we hung out, and it seemed cool. We've continued to text, and I considered her my girlfriend. Then I saw on Facebook where my cousin posted a picture of them hanging out at his house. I texted him and asked if she was over, and he texted back, "Yes."

I asked if she wanted me to come over, and he said no. Then I texted her, "Whats up? Why do you come here and not tell me?"

She wrote back: "Its complicated."

I asked if I could come over and she said she didn't think I should since it was a family party and she didn't want things to be weird.

I kept texting her all night, and she didn't reply until after midnight. She told me she decided to dump me because distance is too hard. Even though she liked me, she said she didn't want to get serious with someone she couldn't see all the time.

I asked her if my best friend knew, and she said yes because she had brought another guy she likes to the family party.

She said she didn't know how to break it off with me and planned to do it the night before but chickened out because she liked text- ing me and knew that I was a good person.

I'm mad because she embarrassed me in front of my best friend's family and because she lied to me about being together and not talking to other guys. I can't stop thinking about her. I want to try and see her in person so we can talk about it, but she doesn't want to meet.

She texted me last night and said she wonders if it's a mistake breaking up with me, and that she's confused and doesn't know what to do. Should I tell her to give me another chance? How do I prove to her distance can work?

– Jackson

DEAR JACKSON: Why should you have to prove anything to her? You weren't the one who lied and brought another person to your best friend's house. Talk about putting your best friend in an awkward position.

This girl sounds like a lot of drama, and I'm baffled that you want to walk right back into the hornet's nest after already getting stung.

Wouldn't she be asking you for another chance if she really wanted to get back together? Why try to talk, cajole, convince, persuade, or beg her to get back together when she doesn't know what (or who) she wants. She admitted she's confused.

Your best move would be to tell her that you enjoy talking to her, but you can tell she's not ready to be in a relationship. If you want to continue to talk as friends without the we-are-together-and-can't talk-to-anyone-else idea attached, then just be friends and move forward.

If it feels too painful to talk with her because you like her so much and can't keep your feelings out of it, then don't text anymore until you are able to accept that she is just a friend and nothing more than that.

Distance can work when two people are committed to each other and mature enough to accept the time apart. She told you she doesn't want to be serious with someone who she can't see all the time, which leads to the conclusion she is not ready to be in a relationship that has distance.

She wants someone around more, and you can't be that guy right now. Even though distance can work in many relationships, I doubt it will in yours because it's ultimately not what she is looking for.


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