I’m starting to move past the stage of wanting my ex back and into the stage of wanting to find a new person to be in a relationship with. However, I don’t want to ruin my chances with new people by trying to date before I’m really ready. How long do I really need to wait?
“Wanting to date” is interviewing for a vacancy, and too often the first step in agreeing to the least unappealing candidate.
Another reason to be patient: You’ve positioned yourself to make that mistake, or one like it, before you’ve even accepted a date, with, “I don’t want to ruin my chances with new people.” You’re trying to impress these candidates, vs. treating them as people who need to impress you.
Think about your role here. Your job is to be you, which includes being the chief beneficiary of all things you do right, the chief victim of all you do wrong, and the one person on Earth who has to live with every choice you make. As gatekeeper to your life, you’re it.
Therefore, you will be “really ready” when you can trust yourself to mind that gate effectively.
I am single and don’t think that’s why I’m asking to limit this first major conversation to our family of origin. I also don’t think I should have to explain why I have this preference. Does this sound out of touch?
It’s also important to acknowledge, as part of your explanation, that partners and spouses deserve their say. Any “next steps” will affect them significantly. It’s important for you to acknowledge that upfront.
Once you do that, then your sibs will likely be more receptive to your thoughts on what you prefer and why.