What do I say to her to let her know how rude and selfish she’s being?
Whose fetus is this?
Whose news is this?
Whose decision is this on how, when and with whom the news will be shared?
Whose job would it be to retract the good news far and wide if she miscarried after she “let” the news spread unchecked?
I can’t say I’m a fan of the highly controlled news release, but that preference applies to no one but me, and to no one’s news but mine; your sister-in-law’s comfort zone is what governs the release of her news.
So, to identify the person who’s being “very difficult” (and self-centered, and, if you’re pressuring her or complaining to others in the family circle, rude), you need a mirror. Your sister-in-law is not having a baby just to entertain your children or provide you with the perfect social-media moment. Your place in this life event is squarely on the sidelines.
As exciting as this is for us, I’m less excited about telling my mom, for fear of a negative reaction. I planned on telling her after he’s been moved in for about a month. She may come to visit me this summer and I don’t know if I should tell her before she arrives or after.
If you’re ready to do it, then you’re ready to own it.
About that readiness: Why use “current” to modify “boyfriend” when there’s only one boyfriend being discussed? And why mention “our little ups and downs” to justify your investing in this relationship when that’s not even what this question is about? I wouldn’t have thought twice if you didn’t invite me to. Please ask yourself whether Mom’s expectations are the sole origin of your doubts.