We have offered to let my mother-in-law spend a night at our house, but that isn’t a good enough option for her. She told her live-in that we thought he was a child molester and now we have an estranged relationship with him and her. How can we repair the relationship without giving in to her demands?
You’re not in this spot because you implied Grandma’s boyfriend is a child molester. You’re in this spot because Grandma wouldn’t take no for an answer. She applied enough pressure to force you either to make up flimsy excuses or admit something you’d rather have left unsaid.
Your reservations about Grandma’s boyfriend are so devastating that there was bound to be some strain whether your mother-in-law pushed or not. But even if your discomfort was entirely unfounded, refusing the overnights was your only choice.
. Trust that your mother-in-law put her feelings and ego and need(iness) above your fundamental entitlement to decide what’s best for your kid. Her error has cost you dearly, too, I get that, but better that than the much higher possible price of overruling your gut.
I told her I wanted her to stop because it made me uncomfortable, and she told me she has never treated him as anything but a friend.
I know I can be overly sensitive, but I find myself not liking her much anymore.
Fortunately, you don’t even have to make that call. Where we don’t trust our sensitivities, we’re often solid on our likes and dislikes. “Not liking her much anymore” is game over because a friendship without fondness is a lake without water.