DEAR KELLY: Why would my ex-boyfriend want to hurt me so bad? We went out for almost a year and now he has a new girlfriend almost immediately after breaking up with me. He keeps posting pictures of them doing the exact same things we did with almost identical captions. He used to call me his “Little Bug,” and he calls her his “Little Bunny.”
I don’t get why he is out to hurt me. I didn’t cheat on him and I really didn’t get crazy mad when we broke up. I asked him if he would at least tell me if he found another girlfriend and he didn’t do that – he just posted a pic that said “I (heart emoji) this girl.” That’s how I found out. When I asked him why he didn’t tell me, he said that he didn’t think it was my business anymore and that he can go out with whomever he wants and I have no right to get mad.
I really wasn’t mad, just wanted a head’s up in case it was awkward at school, which it was. He tweeted almost the exact same thing about her as he did me, “Can’t believe she likes me back. So lucky.” Even some of his friends laughed and said, “You already said that, Dude.”
Recently he took her to this secret place we used to go to and she posted a pic that said, “He is everything and more #ourplace.” I about dropped dead when I saw where he took her. Should I tell her that that was our place and that she’s being played for a fool if she thinks he is making her feel special?
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What do you think is the best way to tell her so she knows that he’s not as wonderful as she thinks he is? I don’t want to seem like I want him back, because I don’t. I just want her to know that she may not be as special as she thinks she is because he’s reusing the same lines and the same places that he did with me. I’d want someone to warn me and I’m just doing it to be nice to her. I don’t want her to be played for a fool like I was. I think she’ll thank me one day when she finally see his true colors.
Em The Ex
DEAR EM: Sometimes breakups are our wake-ups. You see who he is and, thankfully, he is no longer your headache to worry about. But just because you saw his true colors and think he is a fool for using the same old lines doesn’t mean she wants to hear it from you. The truth is while you may think you are “helping her,” she will see you as the scorned ex-girlfriend and probably ignore everything you tell her. It’s a situation where you are better off stepping back and letting her figure things out for herself without you interfering in their new relationship.
I’m guessing he didn’t try to hurt you, he is just too insensitive to care that he used the same lines on both girls. He might be more clueless than you think. It’s not really about you, but more about his lack of originality or genuineness. Perhaps he’s not as cool or slick as you gave him credit for. Your best reaction is to laugh at this rather than use it like a match to start a fire with the three of you. Telling her that he used the same stuff on you is just igniting a problem.
It is not your place to warn her about what a shady guy he is. She needs to learn this on her own. Think about how you would have felt if someone tried to warn you. Odds are you would have wanted to find out for yourself. You needed to learn for yourself what he was like and it took you a year to do it. Your opinion of him should stay just that – your opinion. You are the ex and that makes anything you say more about the breakup or your hurt feelings than the truth.
Stop following both of them. Not only will this make it easier to not see what they are saying or doing, it will help you to move on faster. Having your heart hurt every time you pull up a social media site is not good for you. Stop worrying about them and worry more about how to take care of you. The best way to get over someone is to lose interest in their life. Who cares if he takes her to the same spot? You have moved on and that spot is no longer “special” to you. The sooner you let go, the less you will hurt. Stop holding on to what hurts and start to make room for what feels good.
Write to Kelly Richardson at Teen Talk, The Sacramento Bee, P.O. Box 15880, Sacramento, CA 95852, or email krichardson@ sacbee.com.