Thanks for such a wonderful and thoughtful response to that young woman.
However, you missed a key point. You did not make any acknowledgment of the young woman’s parents who had been forced to place the grandmother.
The family members who disagree with the decision to place may well only see Grandma in the chair taking a nap; without any understanding of what it took to get grandma in the chair or of the risks of continued independent living. The responsibility of providing for an elder is a constant struggle and receiving complaints from a teenager who has been “fueled” by the elder complaints only makes the entire situation more difficult.
My understanding of this young woman’s parents is a result of years of supporting an elder in my family in her wish to remain at home. My recommendation to you is, please consider the entire family in your future responses.
Boys at this age are naturally drawn to attractive girls as their hormones have kicked in, but perhaps they like your friend because they feel they can talk to her, maybe she has brothers and understands the things boys are into and they have things in common.
I also want to point out that it is not her fault that she is attractive.
While I agree that ‘‘second fiddle’’ needs to work on valuing herself, she also needs to look at her friend as someone who cares about her and is not spouting platitudes when she says that she is pretty.
If they have been true friends since second grade, she sees the real you, the one that the boys haven’t yet taken time to know, and she sees your beauty in and out, don’t be in a hurry to dismiss that. We usually only get a few chances in life for that kind of friendship, and someday down the road you will need that friend who you don’t have to explain your life story to, and she will need you too.
While you are on the topic of parent-child relationships, one of my biggest regrets is that I never really talked to either parent in any depth.
It wasn’t until the last 10 years or so that I realized I have only three photographs of my father, only a few more than that of my mother, and not one photograph of them together.
There are dozens of questions I would have, should have, asked my mother while she was still alive. How did my parents meet, etc.? I know they met when they were both students at the University of Oklahoma. I never heard them argue or saw them kiss and really knew nothing about them.