DEAR KELLY: I like a guy who likes two other girls. I just found out neither of them like him and have no interest. Do I tell him and try to get to him see why he should like me instead? When I talk to him it’s usually about how much he likes the other girls, and he says he can’t pick between them because he likes them both. He said he thinks he’s got a chance, but I know that he doesn’t. We’re good friends, but I think we could have more if he wasn’t so obsessed with the other two girls.
What should I do? How do I say it nicely that the other girls don’t like him but I do?
DEAR AIRELLE: Rejection is rough and telling someone that the person they like doesn’t feel the same way can make for an awkward and uncomfortable situation. There is no easy way to let someone down. Saying it while trying to make him like you instead could backfire, and the results could be the exact opposite of what you want.
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Why are you making yourself the messenger? Why not allow him to find out how the other girls feel about him on his own? Why not just stay his good friend and have him come to his own conclusion that neither girl likes him without your input or association with situation? There is a big chance that by passing along the information, he may resent you. Are you willing to take that risk based on how you feel about him?
When he finds out neither girl likes him, he will need a good friend to support him if he feels sad. Be that friend. Show him genuine kindness, not kindness with an alternative motive of swooping in and being the rebound to his broken heart. If you do that, it will be obvious and he will most likely be turned off.
Let him find out without you interfering. Be a good friend and listen if he needs someone to talk to. You can’t make someone like you; that has to come from within them. Trying to force something is a recipe for a relationship disaster.
DEAR KELLY: My sister is getting married in like three weeks and I hate the guy they want me to walk down the aisle with. He’s so awkward and doesn’t know how to carry a conversation. Because he’s a cousin to my sister’s new husband, he has to be in the wedding. They had a family shower and I talked to him a little. He was so strange and we had nothing to talk about. When I asked my sister to move me to walk with someone, anyone else, she said “no” and threw a total hissy fit that I was being difficult.
The other thing is that my boyfriend is coming to the wedding, and I think it will be weird for him to see me walking arm in arm with another guy and standing next to him in all the pictures. Not sure what to do about that one.
DEAR BOTHERED: It’s your sister’s day and being a bridesmaid should be an honor, not a reason to complain. Things are not going to go perfectly according to your plan because it’s not your wedding. Your job is to roll with the punches, offer to help where needed and not create any extra stress or drama. In other words, don’t sweat the small stuff and be a team player.
Let go of trying to switch groomsmen. Be good with your future brother-in-law’s cousin because you want him to feel welcomed into your family. You will only be together for a short period of time and you don’t have to spend private time together, so the conversation will probably be limited. Complaining about his weird family members seems like you are complaining about him. It could affect your future relationship with your sister’s husband.
If your boyfriend can’t handle seeing you walk with another guy, perhaps he shouldn’t attend the wedding. Worry more about the bride and bridegroom’s feelings getting hurt instead of your boyfriend’s. Be blunt with him: “Her day, her way. I have no say-so in who escorts me. I’m sure you understand.”
Weddings are a time of high stress and high emotions. The closer the wedding day gets, the more stressed the bride feels. Usually, it is around trying to make other people happy. The best gift you can offer is to be easygoing and joyful for the day and all that comes with it. Being a bridesmaid just comes down to holding a special place of honor. Stop seeing yourself as a bothered bridesmaid and start acting like a blessed one who is happy to be a part of such a special day for her family.