In the beginning, we attempted to stay neutral and support each party, but as time has passed and things have come to light, my husband and I have both gravitated to Bill’s side for various reasons. The problem is how to handle this with Sara, who is emotionally labile, and also coming to town for a work meeting in a few weeks with the expectation of meeting up with us. We don’t feel like it’s a great idea.
I think our friendship has run its course because of how their marriage ended and things that have happened in the aftermath, but I feel callous and judgmental in telling her that.
Any suggestions on what to say, and how to say it?
Dropping her without explanation, though, is pretty callous, too.
So ask yourself whether you’re ready to say the following: “Sara, I know you want to get together when you’re in town. I’m really struggling, though, to understand blank,” with blank being the thing that forced you off the fence onto Bill’s side.
If you feel comfortable saying that – if you’ve already challenged yourself on your conclusions about Sara, and you’re confident you’re believing and doing the right thing – then you owe it to her to say as much. If instead there’s room for doubt, then you owe it to Sara to recognize your conclusions may be premature and to keep an open mind. That includes seeing her, and treating her as a friend, when she’s in town.
My older brother and younger sister, with whom I am close, will get nothing (we are all in our 30s). To say the least, my father and siblings are not close. My siblings have at times treated him horribly, and the reverse is true.
As the executor of his estate, do I divvy up things three ways so brother and sister are never the wiser? After all, I have to live with them the rest of my life.
If you can and do follow through on your (good and generous) impulse to give a third each to your brother and sister, I can argue that’s still within the scope of your father’s wishes.
Then, that’s it – you’re free.