LAS VEGAS – There's only one road in Brad Miller's mind, and that's to recovery.
In a remorseful and candid interview, the Kings center who failed a drug test for a third time because of marijuana use late last season discussed his transgressions for the first time publicly Thursday. Miller was suspended for the first five games of this coming season and will lose approximately $693,000 of his $11.3 million salary.
Yet as he talked by phone while his 18-month-old daughter Anniston played in the background, he said the lost wages don't matter nearly as much as the importance of changing his ways.
Q: Brad, you knew this was coming. But what was your reaction when the news came out?
A: I just want to try and take advantage of all of the resources. As soon as I get back to Sac, I have to go and talk to a doctor and stuff, just try and take advantage of that. Obviously, I know I'm an idiot for putting myself in this situation.
Sometimes things have to get really bad before I fix things in my life, and that's (how) it's been my whole life.
Telling mom (Rosie Miller) and grandma (Mary Ann Heitz) wasn't a great conversation to have, obviously. It was pretty tough trying to take the high road … in terms of trying to take advantage of people and resources (the league makes) you have to do and help me get through it. All the stress gets to you, and this is one way to take my mind off of everything. I'll look for something different. I don't like sleeping pills – that's my biggest problem. Whether it's some sort of vitamin or something that can help as well. I want to talk to (medical professionals) and find some help. That's one of the main things I'm going to do when I get back to Sacramento.
Q: Is the stress and helping you sleep your main reasons for using it?
A: It's tough to sleep, you know. And you know, the people who might think I'm a bad guy for this – I'm not a bad guy. I'm still me. It's just one thing I thought would help. It obviously wasn't the right thing to do, but it was helpful to my mental state. I have normal Brad and the when-I-get-on-that-court Brad. It's a battle all the time to get that balance between the two. People meet me, and they're like, "Man, you're not laid back." Well, that's because you never met me off the court. We'll see how they (doctors) can help and make it easier. One goal is to come back in even better shape than last year. That's what I've got to do right now. No. 1 and No. 2 goals are to get the health and come back and have another hell of a year.
Q: You have guys out there like (Dallas') Josh Howard who just say, "This is what I do," but you sound like you're trying to cut it out of your life.
A: Back in the day, I was worse. … Obviously, the little one has changed a lot of my philosophies and a lot of the ways I act.
Q: Two years ago, you didn't have the season you wanted to have. You come back refreshed and in much better shape, physically in a whole different world. Has this been a process the last couple years to clean things up overall outside of this situation?
A: The thing is, I don't like drinking anymore. A couple years ago – I'll say it – I drank way too much and didn't like who I was. It wasn't good for my relationship (with longtime girlfriend Abby Robinson) and basketball and everything. I'm just trying to find a way to change out of that, that relief. … I haven't done it (smoked marijuana) in years during the season. I just drank and that wasn't a good thing to do. I didn't like that person at all. My boys (friends) did, but that's your boys.
Q: I'm sure you care first about your family and friends, but Big Brad has received plenty of love over the years from Kings fans. Was it a blow to the gut to have your name out there like this and see the reaction from those folks?
A: It definitely (was) because I was having a good year, and this obviously puts a big damper on the year that it was. When stuff gets bad, I've always tried to persevere … and come back stronger – come back as strong as I can mentally and physically, just everything. That's one thing I can do and that's what my goal is right now.
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