DEAR KELLY: I'm switching to a new high school this year as my parents want me to go to private school because they think my friends are too wild where I went last year.
The girls at the new school have all gone to school together for their whole lives, and I'm going to try and come in and fit in. I'm pretty and have a lot of money, so girls get jealous of me and that can cause problems.
Girls can be really catty especially when they feel threatened by me, so should I try to play down my looks? I know they're going to be mean and not welcome me.
I'm really nervous and don't want to get labeled as stuck up and bitchy, so I'll just be quiet the first few weeks. But I don't want to be all happy and bouncy to try and get them to like me. I feel caught between who to be and how to act so they accept me. Any suggestions?
– Kelsi J.
DEAR KELSI: Changing schools does suck, but so does a bad attitude. Take a spoonful of humility before the first day. Don't think of yourself as the pretty outsider. Think of yourself as the new girl just hoping to fit in.
Smile and be engaging – not braggadocious or stand-offish. Get to know lots of girls before you decide on pals. Avoid the party girls.
Consider this a fresh start. Set a goal to make solid and sincere friendships with a few girls you meet this year.
Female friendships can be wonderful and lifelong if you find the right people. Women support, help, encourage and appreciate each other.
Treat other girls as peers and equals, regardless of how they look or how much money their parents have. The only way to have good friends is to be a good friend.
HI KELLY: My father, grandfather and uncles all went to the same college back east.
From Day One of my life, they assumed I would go there too, regardless of where I wanted to go. I'm now going into my senior year and have no desire to go there.
I want to be an art major, and there is a school in Los Angeles that has a way better art program and is surrounded by lots of opportunity for an art major.
When I mentioned this to my dad, he said art was a hobby, not a major. He insists I apply at his college because he doesn't want to tell my grandfather I have no plans to head there.
What should I do?
– Ace
DEAR ACE: Why don't you and your dad take a trip together to see both colleges? Go with an open mind and look at the art program at his alma mater. Let him show you his favorite places and what he remembers made his school so great.
Then take him to see the college you like best and show him what you like about it. Perhaps you can both learn not only about the schools, but, more important, about each other.
I agree that the ultimate decision should lie in your favor. You must find a place where you will fit.
The same goes for picking a major. You know what you like and what interests you. If art is your passion, you should be encouraged and allowed to follow where it leads.
Be prepared for your father to potentially pull back on paying for your education. If your dad doesn't believe in your direction, he might not pay.
If this is truly what you want to do and you feel strong enough, figure a way to make it work through loans, grants and working.
Write to Kelly Richardson at Teen Talk, The Sacramento Bee, P.O. Box 15880, Sacramento, CA 95852, or e-mail krichardson@sacbee.com.
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