TRANSCRIPT OF ACTING GOV. SUTTER BROWN NEWS CONFERENCE
APRIL 11, 2013
EMBARGOED UNTIL 7 AM PDT
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ACTING GOV. SUTTER BROWN: Thank you. Please sit. SIT! SIT! WHO'S A GOOD BOY? Under California state law, as the governor is in China and the Lt. Governor is not in Ugh, God, Sacramento, I am temporarily assuming the office of the Governor of the state.
Today I met with various Chinese trade and political officials visiting California and discussed the California economy. I will now take your questions.
Q:Sutter, you said earlier in the trip that California didn't really pay attention to Washington. What did you mean by that?
AGSB: Well, David, as you know, I have a hard time paying attention to anything, particularly when a frisbee or a ball is thrown.
Q: Do you think that Washington is a hindrance to the California economy?
AGSB: We get 79 cents for every tax dollar we send back to D.C. Do the math. I'm not the RCA dog here; the hell with my master's voice.
Q: How do you think China's environmental record compares with California's?
AGSB: Well, Beijing air is about the color and consistency of fresh (unintelligible). It makes Los Angeles air smell like a Glade Plug-in by comparison. Tom McClintock would be right at home writing their environmental regs.
Q: You expressed your concerns to the Chinese officials about Corgi rights abuses?
AGSB: Yes. As you know, Corgis are a very small community who wish to be unleashed to pursue their own interests, which largely consists of peacefully digging up flowers, jumping up on clean slacks, and leaving long orange and white hair on dark sofas and chairs. The right of Corgis to self-determination is a central tenet of my administration. As I have noted, I have conceded that kennel conditions for the Pekinese breed in California is far from ideal as well.
(LT. GOV. GAVIN NEWSOM ENTERS ROOM, WALKS TO LECTERN)
LTGGN: Are there any questions?
Q: Will you be walking Sutter now or later this afternoon, and is dog-sitting part of the job description of the office of Lt. Governor?
END OF TRANSCRIPT