Jack Ohman

Editorial cartoonist, writer and Joe King’s alter ego

A search for the real job-killer in California's Legislature...

05/31/2013 6:31 PM

05/31/2013 6:39 PM

I noted this afternoon that the Calfornia Chamber of Commerce (R-CA) put out a list of 37 "job-killing bills," and, of that number, very few are making it past the Legislature. I'm not sure precisely what the exact definition of a "job-killing bill" would be, but my guess is that, in their view, it would involve any bill that would cost any business any money.

I like capitalism as much as the next money-grubbing middle aged man. I own cars that I probably shouldn't own, a trailer, and lots of other objets d'extravagance that would probably make Gov. Jerry Brown send me to Jesuit Solitary Confinement. And yet, I also know that many of my expenses are stupid, and, indeed, may well be expendable. So when I hear the Chamber of Commerce talking about job-killing bills, I kind of view it with a grain of salt. However, I do get their point.

Here are some job-killing bills that thus far haven't made it out of committee:

SB 235 -Creates a new Revolutionary People's Tribunal of Business Excesses; provides for public executions of CEOs; mandates re-education camps where any businesses must give all profits to lazy, good-for-nothing slackers with no gumption.

AB 221 - The Affordable Mansion With Pool Act. Confiscates all homes over 5,000 square feet with a swimming pool and gives them to "errant ne'er-do-wells who don't know the value of a dollar."

SB 445 - Creates voucher program for people "who want money." Gives unlimited state funds to "obese losers who just sit around and watch Maury Povich on cable."

AB 117--Provides "four stars or above" gratis restaurant meals to "shiftless loafers"; mandates that meals must be made by chefs earning over $100,000 per annum. Meals must be served "under glass."

SB 332 - The Entrepreneurial Spirit Extinguishment Act of 2013. Provides electronic tracking collars to any businessman wanting to start a new business; authorizes law enforcement to physically detain anyone attempting to establish a new business; forces job-creators into sea or exile.

AB 665 - The Re-Populate Orange County With Democrats Act. Creates new system of nuclear-powered high-speed rail trains to transport registered Democrats into Orange County, where each registered Democrat will be given an effigy of Ayn Rand to burn on their lawn. 

SB 885 - The Fur-Lined Platinum Hot Tub Worker Rest Area Act. Dictates that all businesses above one employee build "comfy sleepy zones" for any employee; employee must spend four (4) of eight (8) working hours per day resting quietly while receiving full pay and benefits.

Next week, the Chamber is going to issue its list of "job-saving bills," such as SB-447, the Magnificent and Benevolent Oil Company That Only Wants the Best for California Protection Act.

Wait.

That's a real bill.

About This Blog

Jack Ohman joined The Sacramento Bee in 2013. He previously worked at the Oregonian, the Detroit Free Press and the Columbus Dispatch. His work is syndicated to more than 200 newspapers by Tribune Media Services. Jack has won the Robert F. Kennedy Journalism Award, the Scripps Foundation Award and the national SPJ Award, and he was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize in 2012 and the Herblock Prize in 2013. Contact Jack at johman@sacbee.com. Twitter: @JACKOHMAN.

 

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