One of the most annoying phrases to people from Portland, Oregon is the phrase, “it was just like a scene out of Portlandia.” It’s so annoying, in fact, that The New York Times wrote an entire story about how annoying the phrase was not just to Portlanders, but to everyone in the United States.
It was just like a scene out of a Woody Allen movie, which is another now-passe annoying phrase.
Anyway, in Portland(ia), there exists a “vegan strip club.” I remember when they started this venture, and did a cartoon or two about the whole enterprise. I still haven’t quite figured out precisely a vegan strip club is, but I suppose one’s vegetables are exposed in an impure manner. And in this vegan strip club works a 26 year old stripped named “Carrots La Kale.”
OK. Her name is actually Lynsie Lee, which may or may not be her real name. It’s certainly a name that borders on being a stripper name, unlike , say, former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright or Susan B. Anthony. In any event, Lynsie Lee tweeted a tweet to Newark Mayor Cory Booker, who is going to be the next U.S. Senator from New Jersey, assuming he avoids any embarrassing tweets. And he did, but this is the first time in Twitter history where someone got in trouble for tweets he didn’t really send. Moreover, this is a story about how stupid a portion of the media is.
Booker sent out a tweet indicating, for some reason, that he would like to be President of New Jersey’s Star Trek Club. I didn’t know there was one, but in addition to sitting in the senate, this is the presidency he currently aspires to. So Lynsie Lee tweeted back that she had dibs on being his First Lady. He responded that the “East Coast loves you, and by the East Coast, I mean me.” He didn’t know she was a stripper.
That was pretty much it. Booker responded innocuously, and one would think this would be the end of it.
Then a BuzzFeed reporter added a few of Ms. Lee’s nude pics to the story, and the next thing you know, Booker is having to explain nude photos he didn’t receive, and I am not going to do one Weiner joke here. Not one.
Booker is rather well-known for engaging with Twitter followers. I don’t presume to give political advice to anyone, other than in inky cartoon form, but when I hear that someone who aspires to either the presidency of the United States or even the presidency of The New Jersey Star Trek Club might want to reconsider his banter on Twitter.
Not to date myself or anything, but Franklin D. Roosevelt didn’t tweet #nofearbaby. Not did Winston Churchill #bloodsweattearsthat’sallIgot. Nor did Abraham Lincoln #ain’tgotnomalice, ar any single president until Barack Obama, who seems to limit his tweeting to his amusing observations on the debt ceiling #sofreakingtedious.
The world was basically a better place before Tweeting. I tweet, reluctantly, and I have some friends who tweet every hour or so. I don’t know what the revenue model is on the that, but I can assure you that what you don’t tweet can’t hurt you #askAnthonyWeiner.
One of my favorite presidents, “Silent” Calvin Coolidge--why? Because he was a jerk-- was famous for his terse responses. My favorite was when a drunk woman came up to him at a reception and said, “My husband bet me I couldn’t get three words out of you.”
Coolidge responded, “You lose.”
Anyway, if politicians have learned anything from Anthony Weiner, it’s that they should limit their tweets, or they’re going to find themselves nursing a nice celery juice at a vegan strip club, by themselves, undistracted by the pressures of holding elective office.
You know, like an episode of Portlandia #youknewthatwascoming.