Spoiler alert. Once again, I'm coming to you from the East Coast, so tonight's sixth-city audition - in Los Angeles - is in the books. Hollyweird? I think so, even though 40 contestants advanced to, uh, Hollywood. It's only a cab ride to the theater.
The show started with a clip of Season 5 runner-up Katharine McPhee singing - what else? - the sitting-on-the-stage version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." No place like home? Enough of this pablum!
It was guest judge night again, with Olivia Newton-John joining the trio. Best I can tell, this guest thing is a bust. Jewel was useless during Week 1, and I thought Olivia was working with that "Grease" reality show. Carol Bayer Sager, even though she looked like Joan Collins, was at least credible in Week 2.
We started the auditions with a guy who went by the name "Eccentrique," a.k.a. Martik Manoukian (pictured above). I swear I've seen this guy on an episode of either "CSI" or "Law & Order." He professed to be a multitasker: athlete, model, rapper, author, composer and producer. Whew!
He also professed that his transformation from a cat to a panther would get him through. Uh-huh. However, his stripping down to his pants, and then growling and crawling on the floor belonged in the zoo, not on "Idol."
(Paula Abdul loved the growling, but Simon Cowell inquired, "What the hell was that?")
And so it went for about the first half hour. Sholandric Stallworth attempted to revive romance at the auditions. No love. After him, a girl riding a fake cow and a guy singing a song about peanut butter and jelly came on.
Then there was Marianna Riccio, 20, accompanied by, of course, her mother, a former Dean Martin Golddigger dancer. (I'm proud to admit I remember the Golddiggers. I think I might have even wanted to be one.) After singing something awful that I can't remember because I was distracted by the fishnet gloves, Simon declared: "You sound like Cher after she's been at the dentist." Mom pleaded her case. Alas, other than the mother being deemed "foxy," Marianna was a lost cause.
With one more audition city left, I confess I'll be glad to be done with the begging and the pleading. Few contestants have taken "no" for an answer. We've heard everything from:
"Give me another chance" to "We can work it out" to "I can do cartwheels."
Now, for other high - and low - notes:
* Alaina Alexander, 24, has been struggling in the L.A. entertainment biz for six years and was about to give it up to go to school. She was definitely pitchy, but pretty and received a golden ticket.
* Phuong Pham had tonight's woe-is-me story. Her family didn't support her singing, and her mother said she wasn't "TV pretty." Her problem? She couldn't sing - not a lick - even though her role model was Taylor Hicks.
* Brandon Rogers, 28, seemed a shoe-in from the minute we met him. He sang background for Anastasia and toured with Christina Aguillera. His "Always On My Mind" had the female judges swooning and Simon declaring he was the best audition so far.
* The boyfriend/girlfriend team of Cavett "Sparkles" Carr and Darold Gray was interesting. They met at a bus stop and hoped to be the first "Idol" finalist couple. Neither could carry a tune, though, and there was definitely something uncomfortable about her singing and swooning just for Simon.
* Eric Mueller, 23 , closed the evening. He trained for two years for the audition and, admittedly, gave up any semblance of a social life in the process. However, he squeaked and squawked and reminded one judge of Hilary Duff. Now, here's the kicker: After reviewing Eric's resume, Simon discovered that the self-taught contestant had practiced with - what a hoot - the "Sing Like the Stars" DVD by none other than fellow judges Randy and Paula.
And, you had to give it up for a guy named Sherman Pore. He clearly was waaaay beyond the age range (at 64), but his being there had nothing to do with the rules and everything to do with saying goodbye to his "lady love" of 20 years, who passed away from cancer two days before the audition.
Sherman's eloquent and heartfelt rendition of "You Belong to Me" brought tears to Paula and Olivia's eyes (mine too), followed by hugs and handshakes. A class act that stood no chance, but I'm a sucker for a great storyline.
From a Sacramento perspective, I couldn't tell if our guy Ryan Hernandez made it through. He had gotten a call-back for L.A., but I wasn't sure if I saw him among the yellow-ticket holders. Could you let us know, Ryan? We're rooting for you!
The final audition stop is San Antonio. Remember the Alamo? Remember the words!
Spoiler alert! This one is coming at you from Virginia - just a few states up from Birmingham, Ala., where tonight's "American Idol" auditions took place. I watched the earlier, East Coast broadcast of the show, and have just got to share some thoughts with you.
First thought: It's going to take a lot of hard work - and some vocal coaching - to get some of the ones who made it through to Hollywood tonight in, well, Hollywood voice.
Paula Abdul caught at least two or three contestants singing through their noses. By the way, what was up with her chair? She left it a couple of times and once, along with Randy Jackson, spent time on her knees.
Anyway, things got off to an off-key start with Erica Skye, 19, an Auburn University student who didn't get the musical memo: No more attempts at "Unchained Melody!" Everyone keeps thinking it's Simon Cowell's favorite song, but then they butcher it (read: forget the words) and wonder why he says, "You're an absolutely hopeless singer."
(As has been the case with many, many of the contestants, Erica got the ax, but continued to sing - a medley of the Dixie Chicks - until Simon told her to shut up.)
And, maybe it's me, but the whole Katie Bernard "I've got a 3-year-old's (talking) voice, but I sing different" shtick just creeped me out. She should have stayed home with her new husband, but she's going to Hollywood.
Next gripe? Family members and friends being summoned into the audition room. I didn't think Victoria Watson, 18, had a bad voice (syrupy Josh Groban), but then her mother came in while she sang. And get this: Both of them have hair down almost to the floor. The "It" look (as in Cousin It from "The Adams Family") didn't pay off for either of them.
OK, some more high - and low - notes:
* Bernard Williams II sang "Rock With You" and served up a decent Michael Jackson vocal, though Paula thought the cute guy was totally off-key.
* Jamie Lynn Ward, 17, is from Reidsville, N.C. (I could spit there from where I'm blogging this.) It's also on the way to Albemarle, N.C., hometown of Season 5 finalist Kellie Pickler. Another sad tale from Jamie - it went something like this: She lives with her grandmother and father, who is paralyzed because he caught Jamie's stepmom with another man and shot her and himself. She sang "Reflection" and got a golden ticket, so I'm sure we'll hear more about this saga. Oh, and fashion note to Jamie: Lose the "Blue-Eyed Bombshell" tee.
* Aside from moving on to the next round, the goal of Chris Sligh, 28, is to eventually make actor David Hasselhoff cry - something Taylor Hicks accomplished last year. A cross between Jack Osbourne and Jack Black, Chris' crooning and martini-dry sense of humor earned him a ticket.
* And, speaking of wanting to cry - it was "Sesame Street" music and Margaret Fowler (see photo above), dressed up very much like Big Bird. Kudos, though, for being well-accessorized, but, alas, Simon caught her laying an egg about her age. "How old are you?," he asked. Well, 26, then 33 - and, finally, 50!
* The night ended on a bizarro note - yes, even more bizarro than Big Bird - with Brandy Patterson, a hometown girl trying to make like Madonna's "Like a Virgin." Like, NO! She got the boot, but then she, Simon and Randy wound up all over the hallway exchanging barbs. Weird stuff.
In all, sweet Alabama handed out 20 passes to Hollywood. Next up, on Wednesday: Hollywood!
And watched and watched. Millions of us. Wednesday night's two-hour "American Idol" from New York squashed its competition; ratings just in from the Associated Press report that " 'Idol' demolished everything in sight again in prime time."
Well, why not? There was everything from a guy questioning Simon Cowell's visa to rumors that the judges were out partying the night before. None of which had anything to do with the singing.
The show opened at 8 p.m. with 27.7 million viewers. AP says that by 9 p.m., the numbers soared to 36.9 million. (About 32 million watched Tuesday night.)
Nancy of Sacramento e-mailed to say that the New York audition show was the first time she ever watched "Idol," and, not surprisingly, she found it entertaining and plans to keep watching. And while Nancy says she liked the judges, she thought Simon takes things much too personally.
"But I can see why they keep him on as a judge," she writes. "He brings in a certain type of viewer...because some people like his type of heartless crudeness."
And thanks, Nancy. You saw the flaws in most of the wackos, including Ian Benardo and Sarah Goldberg. As a first-time viewer, she thought their motives were "somewhat fuzzy and weird."
As for me, I wonder about that Isadora Furman (shown above). Wouldn't it be funny if her name was really something like Tracy or Julie? And, if she's really clairvoyant, why wouldn't she know ahead of time that she can't sing a lick?
Meanwhile, in other "Idol" news:
* Season 5 finalist Chris Daughtry is set to perform a free concert on March 23 in Greensboro, N.C. It's sort of a vocal send-up to the the NCAA women’s basketball tournament games on March 24 and 26. City officials told AP they hope the show will boost the city's bid to host the 2012 women’s Final Four. Daughtry, of course, is from North Carolina.
(And don't forget Chris' stop at the Boardwalk in our very own Orangevale on Feb. 8. Tickets are $20. Go here for more info.)
* "E! Entertainment" reports that Season 1 runner-up, Justin Guarini, who we haven't seen in, oh, five seasons, has joined TV Guide Channel's "Idol Tonight," which is a live pre-show that chats it up with former finalists, stylists, vocal coaches, industry experts and anyone else with "Idol" thoughts. He'll be paired with Season 2 finalist Kimberly Caldwell and Rosanna Tavarez, a winner of "Popstars."
It was no surprise that it took two hours to get through the assortment of wackos and psychos tonight that had found their way to the "American Idol" auditions in New York.
In the mix? A guy in a space suit, a guy with green hair, a guy with a chinchilla coat, guys who sang like girls, and a guy - I think - dressed up like Dorothy from "The Wizard of Oz."
And, perhaps most interesting, two previous contestants who had made it through to Hollywood in past auditions but never advanced.
The show opened with a familiar face. For fans of another reality show, "So You Think You Can Dance?," there he was: Ian Benardo, 25 (shown above). Obviously, Ian was still quite bent about the dancing thing not working out, so he attempted to sing. Bad idea.
"I will not stop until I'm a household name," Ian said before his shot at the judges with - what else? - "Gloria."
The comments?
Randy Jackson: "I don't know what to say. Is this real?"
Simon Cowell: "Very hammy and bad. It's rubbish."
This triggered something in Ian, who launched into a tirade about Simon being a Brit and then demanding to see his working visa. After being escorted out by security, he proclaimed the "dodo bird is not extinct. It's Simon Cowell."
OK.
Moving on, it's time for some other high - and low - notes:
* A couple of Sarahs performed. Sarah Burgess, 19, from Ohio, lied to her parents about spending the night at a friend's house when she actually went to New York for the audition. She cried to Ryan Seacrest about her father not believing in her talent, and then she cried again in front of the judges. (There were a lot of tears in N.Y.). She made it through because she's got talent. Now, all she needs is a jumbo box of Kleenex.
On the flip side, Sarah Goldberg, 20, was "Dreamin' " if she thought she could win over the judges by admitting "I'm not a singer."
"Even if I don't sing, I can be the next 'American Idol.' You can teach me to sing!"
After getting the heave-ho, this Sarah ranted in the waiting room that the judges were out "drinking until 3 in the morning. That's rude!"
* Loved 'em: The boot-camp contestant who ran, skipped rope and did sit-ups for a year to get physically fit for the audition. She goes by "Porcelana," and we'll see her in Hollywood; Rachel Zevita, who sang in three different voices - all three moving on to the next round; Jory Steinberg, 25, from Santa Monica via Canada, who has got some pipes, as does Kia Thornton, with yet another interpretation of Aretha Franklin.
* So what did you think of the super-cute Jersey Girls - Amanda Coluccio and her best bud, Antonella Barba, both 19? "I bet you're popular," Simon chortled. One had a trained voice, the other didn't. They both got through, though. But will the friendship survive?
* Welcome back to Ashanti Johnson, 28, who has auditioned twice and gone to Hollywood twice. The judges weren't impressed, noting pitchiness (how many times have we heard that?). Ashanti pleaded and pleaded - and pleaded. "I need a chance for America to see me." Simon says: "Get over it. It's a no." Third time? Not a charm.
* Nicholas Pedro, 25, attempted to redeem himself after last season's "Buttercup" blow-up during group singalongs in L.A. His "Fly Me to the Moon" will have him flying to Hollywood.
* Did you think Christopher Richardson, 22, was Justin Timberlake-like? Should Christopher Henry, 20, have been singing in "a dress and stilettos," as Simon suggested?
* And, as if the city couldn't have dug deeper for weirdness, Isadora Furman, 26, a clairvoyant/palm reader who also plays guitar and "sings" on the streets, closed the evening with "Lady Marmalade." Lots of "voulez vous" and "mocha chocolata" (sounded like latte). She then made the same noise Meg Ryan emoted in the movie "When Harry Met Sally." You remember - the "I'll-have-what-she's-having" moan?
After all the antics and the anthems, 35 contestants got yellow tickets - the most in any audition city so far.
(Don't know about you, but the guest judge thing is still bugging me. One night yes, another no. In New York, native New Yorker Carole Bayer Sager joined the fray.)
Coming Tuesday? It's down south to Birmingham, Ala., home of Ruben, Bo and Taylor - and a contestant dressed like a banana.
Well, it wasn't Seattle - or Minneapolis - that's for sure.
Week 2 of "American Idol" auditions made a quick stop in Memphis on Tuesday night. Quick, as in one hour instead of two. And I have to say that was a good thing.
The show opened with host Ryan Seacrest saying that the city had been turned into a "ghost town" - nice - because most of the 650,000-plus population were auditioning!
And what a weird audition process it turned out to be.
Up first: Frank Byers, 21, who was, of all things, a cheerleading coach. He showed up with the cheer squad and what appeared to be a marching band. "Franks and Beans" was his nickname. Well, this "Frank" version launched into "I Heard It Through the Grapevine," which was a decent rendition of the Marvin Gaye classic. Still, judge Simon Cowell said the performance was "over the top."
I don't get it. Frank was a heck of a lot better than some of the folks who got through to Hollywood last week, especially that "Shakira" impersonator. With Frank's prompt dismissal, Simon even got up, looked outside the audition room and told the band to shut up.
There were several contestants whose vocal attempts were "lost in translation," including Timika Sims, 16, who attempted Earth Wind & Fire. And even I felt like I was getting chewed out after a woman named Wandera flew out of the audition room, spewing expletives at the camera person in a rant that belonged on "Girls Gone Wild."
Thankfully, there were not too many Elvis sightings, although "Johnny Cash" did turn up in the body of a guy, with an overwhelming beard, who seemed saddened by the whole process. However, he pulled it off and made it to Hollywood, even though he admitted he believes that most people are "poor inside."
He should be a bundle of laughs in the next couple of weeks.
Other high and low notes:
* Danielle McCulloch attempted an Aretha Franklin impersonation and got the blessings of Simon and Paula Abdul, but Randy Jackson said it was a "no."
* Among the weirdos: one guy who, after being rejected, seemed to feel the need to end his "relationship" with Paula. And what's up with contestants who hit replay and continue to perform long after they've been summarily dismissed?
* Speaking of Paula, I'm officially joining the camp that believes something is up - or down - with her. She definitely needs a class in clapping.
* As someone who also has an eye for distinguished dressing, a couple of contestants missed the first-period style class. There were some females who were way too sexy, but with no voices. And then there was Christopher Rivera (shown above), 18, whose slashed jeans with embellishments were, well, stupid.
Have you had it up to here with Season 6, the "Mean Season?"
We have.
Apparently, the judges have, too. For those who haven't heard, Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul - along with executive producer Ken Warwick - were pretty unrepentant when trotted out over the weekend at a TV writers conference in Pasadena and flogged over their use of phrases like "bush baby" and other references to people's looks and choice of clothing.
Remember the female contestant who Simon said looked like she "was caught in a net?"
In reading through some of the media reports, it sounds like the "Idol" stars basically circled the wagons and said that, after six seasons, what do you expect? If you can't sing and you know it, prepare for a tongue-lashing - or worse.
It will be interesting to see if the ratings stay high or drop at all as a result of all the sniping and the griping. Last Tuesday's episode of "Idol" drew a record audience of 37.3 million, while Wednesday's episode came in at 36.9 million. (Hey, writing can get brutal sometimes, too. Ever hear of someone called an "editor?")
In any case, I'm so glad to have left cold Minneapolis and dreary Seattle behind for tonight's auditions in Memphis and Wednesday night's in the Big Apple. (See New York audition hopeful above. She seems pretty normal, huh?)
On Wednesday, "American Idol" celebrated a first-night, Season 6 ratings bonanza. On Thursday, the love was waning. Everyone - and I do mean everyone - had something to say about how mean they thought the judges were.
Nothing new. It seems to happen every season. Last year, it was Simon Cowell's comments about eventual finalist Mandisa, our local girl, and her weight. After she received her ticket to Hollywood and left the audition, Simon made a comment about "having to build a bigger stage."
On Wednesday's audition show from Seattle, a contestant named Kenneth heard directly from Simon's mouth that he resembled "a creature" in the woods, a reference to the size of Kenneth's eyes.
On Thursday, talk and entertainment shows chatted it up about the remarks, calling them nasty and cruel. Rosie O'Donnell, who jumps at the chance to weigh in whenever possible, blasted the judges' behavior and even alluded to Paula Abdul being intoxicated.
Where have we heard that one before?
From "Access Hollywood" to "Extra," the judges took their lumps. But, on one show, a former "Idol" reject from Season 3 told reporters the contestants need to get over themselves. She herself took a tongue-lashing and today says audtioners should know what to expect. She even threw a pizza party for Tuesday night's season debut.
John from Sacramento e-mails me that after the second round "of disgusting antics from the judges, I have given up watching. A prelim audition should be held to cut off no-talent acts. Judges must keep to the talent part of these contestants, not their appearance."
For more TV coverage, check out "Entertainment Tonight" at 6:30 on Channel 13. The network is teasing that Dr. Phil is going to help the rejected contestants learn how to deal with, well, rejection.
What do you think? Are Randy Jackson, Paula and Simon mean for the sake of being mean? Or is it just part of the audition process? Shoot me an e-mail here at Idol Chatter, using the from below.
Even though I'm fully invested in Season 6 of "American Idol," I know fans of the show like to keep up with the goings-on of past contestants. So here's what I know:
* Season 5 runner-up Katharine McPhee is reportedly going to guest star Friday on an episode of "Lonelygirl15," that wacky online video blog. According to business wires, Katharine is a big fan of the continuing saga of Bree (shown above with Katharine) and her ongoing search for the meaning of it all.
Apparently, Katharine approached the producers about participating. The word is she'll be cast as a "new character," not as Katharine. But, as a former "Idol," she knows promoting oneself is critical, so Katharine will sing a song from her upcoming album - set for release Jan. 30 - during an upcoming show. For more info: www.lonelygirl15.com.
* As you probably heard during Wednesday night's "Idol" installment, Season 1 winner Kelly Clarkson has partnered with NASCAR for the upcoming season. Fast girl, that Kelly. And smart. Not only does the sport continue to grow its audience, more than 50 percent of them are women.
Kelly will be part of all things NASCAR, including race appearances, TV spots, fundraising and being a participant at the year-end NASCAR gala in New York. The revved-up relationship kicks off Feb. 18, right before the Daytona 500 takes the checkered flag. She'll headline Nextel's "Tribute to America" show on Fox. And, of course, all the networks that broadcast NASCAR (Fox, ABC, TNT, ESPN and SPEED) will be featuring a song from her upcoming third CD sometime during the race season.
* Fresh off her Golden Globe win, "Dreamgirls" star and Season 3 contestant Jennifer Hudson took to the air to promote the film, which also took top honors at Monday night's festivities. Jennifer appeared Thursday with other cast members, including Beyonce and Jamie Foxx, at the Paris premiere of the movie.
* And, I saved the best for local "Idol fans. Get this: Chris Daughtry is scheduled to perform with his band, Daughtry, at the Boardwalk in Orangevale on Feb. 8. Chris' self-titled debut CD is rocking off the charts, so it's pretty amazing that that dude is making a stop for us. Tickets are $20. Go to www.boardwalkrocks.com for info.
Sorry, Emerald City. I don't want to be cruel, but Ryan Seacrest was right when he called you the "talent vacumn that is Seattle."
Season 6, night two, of "American Idol" got off to a dreary start. Of course, it was raining on the 9,000 contestants who showed up to audition. Even I felt like I needed an umbrella.
Somehow they managed to leave town with 14 contestants headed for Hollywood. But how the three judges (no guest judge this time) found them is anybody's guess.
Still, there were some bright spots. Thomas Daniels, 21, of Portland, who slept behind some trash cans and gave up his gas attendant job, went for the third-time's-a-charm audition. And his "Arms of a Woman" gave Paula Abdul goosebumps, and Randy Jackson liked his Afro. Thomas made it to Hollywood at the 32-minute mark.
Then, there was Brandon Groves of West Virginia - also a repeat auditioner. He sang "I Shot the Sheriff" in 2005 - and was shot down. This year, he showed up dressed like Uncle Sam and gave us "God Bless America." The stars and stripes didn't work either.
Other high and low notes?
* Jennifer Chapton, 23, a.k.a. "The Hotness," claimed she got her start in the church choir and that she could hit Mariah Carey-like notes. Uh-huh. It didn't help that Paula had to remind her she couldn't sing with gum in her mouth. From there, "Hotness" went cold. At one point, Jennifer declared to the unrelenting judges, "You know me none."
Simon Cowell suggested she get a job down at the port.
* Meanwhile, youngster Jordin Sparks, 16, of Glendale, Ariz., pulled off Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me"and made it through. And, attention sports fans, Jordin is the daughter of former NFL player Phillipi Sparks.
* Hairstylist Eric Chapman professed to be 2006 winner Taylor Hicks' long-lost brother. But his rendition of "Drift Away," which Hicks did sing at one point last season, made the judges send him away. But not before he attempted to apply some sort of styling product to Simon's hair - not a smart move - and almost got his butt kicked by security.
* My award for tallest contestant? It goes to Anna Kearns, 20, of Wichita Falls, Texas, who just towered over Ryan during their pre-audition chat. Anna is 6'4 flat foot, but her stilettos elongated her to a WNBA height of 6'7. She went for a little "Respect," pulling off a respectable Aretha Franklin - and winning a ticket to Hollywood. Says Simon: "You just put through a giraffe."
Does that mean height - not weight - will be the issue this season?
* And, as if Seattle hadn't already secured itself the title of one of the least-talented audition cities by now, we met Steven Thoen, 27, who considered himself a standout because of his red hair. "People call me 'Red,' " he blurted to the judges. "But I am cooler than Carrot Top, and as good as Freddie Mercury."
So, what was left for him to do but attempt "Bohemian Rhapsody?"
Maybe they were tired, but the judges just lost it, doubling over in laughter. Me? I doubled along with them.
Blame it on the rain. Blame it on the sighers, the sulkers - and the psychos. But, as Ryan put it, "Seattle is done."
On Tuesday, "American Idol" is in Memphis. No doubt there will be multiple Elvis sightings, maybe even some blue suede shoes. But hopefully no hair products.
I just received word from my colleague, Bee TV Columnist Rick Kushman that, lest anyone is worried about the ratings for the first night of "American Idol" Season 6, you can release that breath now.
According to Kushman, who is in Pasadena for a TV critics conference, the show Tuesday night drew an average of 37.3 million viewers - up 1.8 million from its record opening in 2006 of 35.5 million.
Kushman tells me that it was also Fox’s second-biggest entertainment show ever, behind only the Ruben Studdard-Clay Aiken finale in 2003 (Season 2). And it was the biggest ratings night for any entertainment show on television since the “Friends” finale in May 2004.
Whew!
Kushman says the inside word in Hollywood is that folks in the TV biz can't recall a 6-year-old show that’s continually grown to record levels from a season four to five to six.
Of course, it's only one night and we'll have to see how things progress as the season rolls along. Remember, the "American Idol" finalists don't start singing until March.
But, Kushman says, there is one sure thing, as an NBC executive said privately today: “That sucker’s a monster.”
Tune in tonight to see Part 2 of the season kickoff.
Well, at least that's how judge Randy Jackson summed up the time spent in Prince's hometown.
"He (Prince) will never be on this show again," Randy quipped.
And I can't say I don't agree with him. Tonight's two-hour Season 6 premiere of "American Idol" got off on some very rough notes as 10,000 singer-wannabes showed up in the Twin City for a shot at Hollywood.
But only 17 yellow tickets to LaLa Land were handed out by Randy, Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell and guest judge Jewel. (And I thought they said they weren't doing the guest judge gig.)
From the get-go, Fox wasted no time reminding viewers that "together we made it a phenomenon, together we changed lives, together we discovered talent." And the network touted past "Idol" talent such as Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood and Jennifer Hudson (as well as the many awards and CD sales).
We have no bone to pick there. But the first contestant we met was a girl named Jessica who's a makeup artist at the Mall of America. And, as it would happen, Jessica is a huge Jewel fan, sang a Jewel song for her audition and - with as much of a heart as they could muster - the judges said "No" anyway.
Jessica's pleading, crying and eventual breakdown outside in her family's arms made me run to check if my dog was being kicked. I wasn't quite ready for such an emotional beginning. Were you?
But then, the "Idol" folks did promise a different feel to this season's auditions, didn't they? And, for the most part, they lived up to that. The judges spent more "quality" time with some of the contestants, especially the ones they ended up letting go, including Dayna Dooley, whose boss and his wife flew her from California to Minneapolis to audition. But the whole thing morphed into the judges thinking Dayna actually had a crush on her boss, especially when they brought him into the audition room and had her sing a second song, "Fever," to him. "She needs Gary (the boss) in front of her to sing," one judge said.
Then, there were the contestants who tried to copy former "Idol" favorites, including Katharine McPhee and Constantine Maroulis. And the inevitable people trying to pass themselves off as Prince, who is probably still wandering around in traffic somewhere after Monday night's Golden Globes.
But, we digress.
It took 35 minutes before the first yellow ticket was handed out, and it went to Denise Jackson, 16, of Madison, Wis., who told her story of being a crack baby to the TV audience. "I actually was born with a gift. I can sing," she said. She belted out "You're Gonna Love Me" by Jennifer Holliday, and off she went.
Some other high - and low notes - of the show. You decide which is which:
* The armed services were well-represented by Jarrod Fowler of the Navy and Rachel Jenkins, an auto mechanic who joined the Army Reserves. Jarrod won the "USS Ronald Reagan Idol" contest aboard the naval ship and the right to audition by his shipmates. Rachel, whose husband is currently serving in Iraq, sang "His Eye is on the Sparrow." Both were dressed in full uniform. Both made it through to Hollywood.
* Just when I thought I'd heard the last warblings of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," Sarah Krueger won me - and the judges - with her rendition. Here's for putting that song in the vault, though. And, speaking of "The Wizard of Oz," a contestant named Trista could give Bert Lahr a run for it; Trista's woofish "If I Were King of the Forest" was the best chuckle of the night.
* A saucy Perla Meneses, 25, put the moves on host Ryan Seacrest before she even auditioned, and her Shakira song will now have her shaking in Hollywood.
* Troy Benham of Wisconsin introduced viewers to a look he dubbed "Urban Amish." He has no TV and, unfortunately, no singing voice.
* Charles Moody dressed up as a cross between boxer Apollo Creed and Uncle Sam. But somehow the Italian aria just didn't work with the red boxing gloves.
Plus:
In the first half hour, the contestants who were bounced from the competition ended up either crying hysterically or cussing up a storm. But then, the show turned to something called "American Idol Appeal," a condition in which a contestant forgets the lyrics and really screws up. We witnessed several of those.
Moving on:
* Never tell the judges you're a vocal coach unless you, yourself, can sing. And never tell them you've had years and years of training unless you, yourself, can sing. Brenna Kyner and Jason Anderson both whined incessantly. Even Jason's futile attempts at juggling and dancing couldn't save him.
* Remember young Kevin Covais (a.k.a. "Chicken Little") from Season 5? Well, look out for Matt Sato, 16, whose version of "California Dreamin' " earned him a trip to Hollywood. Afterward, he called his mom with the good news, hiding his tears behind his yellow ticket.
* And then there was a guy named Josh Flom, 20, who said he'd being singing since he was 3 because "my Dad sings in the shower."
We say: Never follow in the footsteps of a wet warbler.
Josh clearly saw himself becoming the next rocker, a la Chris Daughtry. But his bad rendition of Fuel's "Had a Bad Day Again" should have sent him packing. As wonders would have it, Simon sent him on a mission instead:
"Come back in 15 minutes and sing me an Abba song."
Josh bumbled around among the other contestants, learning the words and music to "Dancing Queen." He sang it just like the Fuel song.
One more chance? How about Barry Manilow's "Copacabana?"
Same voice.
Simon says: "You're one-dimensional. You'd need a 'transplant' to have another voice."
And with that, "American Idol" packed up and left Minneapolis to the strains of Abba's "The Winner Takes It All."
Next up? Seattle, which Simon already has declared the worst city ever.
Well, the show hasn't even hit its first note yet - "American Idol's" Season 6 kicks off Tuesday night - but we're already off to the races.
Let's begin with the bad news: Judge Paula Abdul and her TV interviews promoting the show's season debut have been splashed all over Youtube (see below). The ugly rumor: that Paula had a few too many toddies before going on the air.
Attention Fox!: This is not the first time such uglines has surfaced. And we've been given excuses for her behavior that have included everything from technical difficulties to that she couldn't hear the audio. But, in those instances, she reminded me more of Otis Campbell, the town drunk on "The Andy Griffith Show," than a respected judge on one of the most-watched reality shows on TV.
And, at least, Otis was loveable.
Meanwhile, congrats to Season 3 contestant Jennifer Hudson (shown above), who, not surprisingly, has snagged a Golden Globe for best supporting actress for her work in "Dreamgirls."
Looks like dreams really do come true.
Oh, and a shout out to the guy who read my "Idol" story in Monday's Scene and called me because he thinks all Southerners are kind of, well, dumb.
Sir, I happen to be one of those Southerners (from Virginia) and I may not be able to sing, but don't let the accent fool you.
