Lo Seinto (sorry!) for leaving out Channel 19, Sacramento's Spanish-language station, in our earlier posting, below, on sweeps ratings.

At 6 a.m., Channel 19's morning news drew an 0.9 rating/4 share. At 6 p.m., Noticias 19 had a 2.7 rating and 5 share. And, at 11 p.m., Noticias 19 finished with a 2.0 rating and 5 share.

Stay tuned for the demographic results next month. Channel 19 traditionally does well in the younger demographics, such as the 18-to-34-year olds.

Well, the numbers for November sweeps are in, and Channel 3 won all of the time slots. Still, except for 5 p.m. and 6 p.m. on weekdays, the station hardly dominated as it had in the past. And even at 5 and 6, KCRA's ratings are significantly down compared to its figures from last November.

(Quick refresher: Ratings chart the percentage of all homes with TVs; shares measure the number of TV sets turned on at a particular time.)

In the (cliche alert) "all-important" late-news category, Channel 13's 10 o'clock news easily beat Fox40. At 11, Channel 3 beat News10 by 2.3 ratings points and 6 shares. And if you compare Channel 13 at 10 p.m. against Channel 3 at 11, KCRA ekes out a .7 victory.

But remember, the numbers for a demographic breakdown (most notably, the 25-to-54 demo, which advertisers covet) don't come out until next month. Last May, Channel 3 beat News10 overall for late news, but News10 bested KCRA in the 25-to-54 demo.

Shameless plug: Be sure to read the Media Savvy column on Tuesday in The Bee's Scene section for a full analysis of local sweeps results.

In the meantime, more numbers:

WEEKDAYS
5-6 a.m
Channel 3: 2.0 rating/16 share
News10: 1.6/10
Channel 31: 1.5/11
Channel 13: 1.5/10

6-7 a.m.
Channel 3: 4.4/20
Channel 31: 2.9/13
News10: 2.4/11
Channel 13: 1.5/7

7-9 a.m.
Channel 3 ("Today" show): 4.0/13
News10 ("Good Morning America"): 3.1/10
Channel 31: 3.6/12 (from 7 to 8 a.m.); 3.0/10 (from (8 to 9 a.m.)
Channel 13 ("The Early Show"): 1.6/6
Fox40: 0.4/1 (from 7 to 8 a.m.)

11 a.m.
Channel 13 (“Young and the Restless”): 4.4/15
News10: 3.5/12

Noon
News10: (“All My Children”): 3.7/12
Channel 3: 3.7/11
Channel 13: 3.4/11

4 p.m.
Channel 3 (“Oprah”): 6.6/16
Channel 13: 3.2/8

5 p.m.
Channel 3: 9.5/20
Channel 13: 3.6/8
News10: 3.3/7

6 p.m.
Channel 3: 8.9/16
News10: 4.0/7
Channel 13: 3.9/7

6:30 p.m.
Channel 3: 7.3/13
News10 (“Jeopardy”): 6.3/11
Channel 13 (“Entertainment Tonight”): 5.9/10

10 p.m.
Channel 13: 6.5/12
Fox40: 3.6/7
My58TV: 1.6/3

11 p.m.
Channel 3: 7.2/18
News10: 4.9/12

SATURDAYS
7-9 a.m.
Channel 3: 4.0/13
Channel 31: 2.4/10 (from 7 to 8); 2.9/8 (from 8 to 9 a.m.)

9 a.m.-10 a.m.
Channel 31: 3.8/10

5 p.m.
Channel 3: 5.6/11
Channel 13: 3.4/7

6 p.m.
Channel 3: 7.6/14
Channel 13: 2.8/6

10 p.m.
Fox40: 4.2/8
Channel 13: 4.0/8

11 p.m.
Channel 3: 5.9/14
News10: 3.5/8

SUNDAYS
7-8 a.m.
Channel 3: 2.8/11
Channel 13 (“CBS Sunday Morning”): 2.1/7
Channel 31: 1.8/7
News10 (“Good Morning”): 1.6/7

8-10 a.m.
Channel 3: 4.2/11
Channel 31: 2.8/8 (From 8 to 9 a.m.), 3.0/8 (from 9 to 10 a.m.)

5 p.m.
News10: 4.4/8
Channel 13: 4.6/8

10 p.m.
Channel 13: 6.7/13
Fox40: 3.8/7

11 p.m.
Channel 3: 6.3/16
News10: 5/13

If you're out and about tonight and have a hankering to check out a fashion show - and, really, who doesn't? - the place to be is The Park Ultra Lounge at 15th and L.

Tara Floor, co-owner of the new Article boutique and spa/salon (on Del Paso Boulevard), and her husband, Andrew, will be leading the runway with some really fabulous fashions - clothing you probably haven't seen in these parts.

Anyway, the show starts at 10 p.m. (which is perfect for all you fashion-lovin' night owls), with doors opening at 8:30. Tickets are $20, and music will be provided by "djspider."

My colleague Lisa Heyamoto says The Park "rocks," so with a runway fashion show added to the scene, it should be quite the event. Floor says the crowd could be in the high hundreds.

Wear black!

(On a side note, Article will celebrate its grand opening from 6 to 10 p.m. Saturday. The stylists will be doing makeup and there will be massages offered, plus drinks and food. The salon is at 1616 Del Paso Blvd.)

Day 28.

The end-of-show, feel-good story (this was on cuddly News10, of course) on school kids in Elk Grove knitting for the needy had just finished at 11:30 p.m. Wednesday.

Anchor Dale Schornack: “You know, you can say those are handmade with a lot of love.”

Cristina Mendonsa: “Ah.”

Schornack: “Just like this newscast.”

Mendonsa: “Ah, man, that was so cheesy.”

Schornack: “It’s the end of ratings. We deserve a little cheese.”

Yes, it was nice to see that our local TV news organizations did not let November sweeps go out with a whimper. There was plenty of cheese to go around, plus some good reports.

But first, pass the cheese.

Hmmm, should I begin with Channel 13’s Kurtis Ming bullying an annoying sales clerk to the point of almost pistol-whipping the dude? Or maybe Brandi Hitt butchering a story so badly that she dissolved into a puddle of giggles? Or how about Channel 3’s Mike TeSelle, beefcake reporter, going topless? Or, well... let’s just go chronologically.

* My mind is still reeling from Channel 31’s “Good Day Sacramento's” truly pointless act of blowing up a car on the air Wednesday morning. They strapped a load of explosives to a sedan placed in the Nevada desert, had reporter Chris Burrous fire 50 rounds from a submachine gun and blow the durn thing up.

Gee, what’s next for “GDS” - blowing up the car in a crowded marketplace? Considering that the REAL news is fraught with reports of car bombs in Iraq and in the Palestinian-Israeli conflict, isn’t it, oh, I don't know, just a tad insensitive of “GDS” to do this?

* So Channel 3’s TeSelle, the guy who actually volunteers to go to Blue Canyon to freeze his assets off, is assigned to report on the cold weather at 5 p.m. Wednesday night. He does the usual stuff, interviewing shivering people with insights such as “brrr.” He talks to experts about covering plants during a freeze. Then, to explain how you have to run your pool pump to avoid having it crack, TeSelle himself cracked. He stripped to a swimsuit and jumped in a pool. (Nice pecs, Mike, but stop by a tanning salon next time.)

Anchor Lois Hart to TeSelle: “Boy, that’s a long way to go just for a story. I hope you got a bonus out of this.”

TeSelle: “I just have to jump into my stories.”

Dave Walker: “At least you didn’t get in over your head, Mike.”

* It wasn’t pretty watching Hitt totally melt down at 6 p.m. on Channel 13. At the end of the broadcast, she started reading from the script about Snoop Dogg's arrest. She made a lame attempt at Snoop-speak, then garbled words so badly we thought she was speaking in tongues.

Finally, she quit and said to her co-anchors, “This is a Tony Lopez-written story. He does it so well. And I just can’t deliver it.”

(There’s no shame in that, Brandi. The story was just too big for you.)

Anchor Pallas Hupe: “Oh, you did OK.”

Hitt: “I tried.”

* At 6 p.m., News10 almost pulled off the unthinkable during sweeps - an entire newscast without a crime story. Only one of 16 stories was crime-related (on robberies in Stockton, a voiceover report that lasted only 20 seconds).

* Fox40 gave us our critter fix. Late in the 10 o’clock newscast, it hit us with four straight stories: (1) Shamu the whale attacks a trainer at Sea World; (2) a naked, drug-addled man was attacked by a gator in Florida; (3) a Florida family had its puppy sold out from under them, and (4) a San Diego man takes pet ashes and turns them into artwork.

What, no deer stories?

* Boy, I don’t want to be caught in a dark alley with Channel 13’s Ming. The man is menacing. Wednesday night, the intrepid consumer reporter was trying to help a woman and her son get a refund on a cell phone from a chuckleheaded clerk. The clerk taunted the woman, holding up the check and waving it around.

Voiceover of Ming, dropped an octave: “Then, I showed up... .”

Shot of Ming knocking on the door and then asking the clerk: “Where’s the check?”

Clerk: “In my back pocket.”

Ming: "You know what? We’re going to roll this video camera the entire time and your face is going to be plastered all over television if you’re not going to give this lady her check.”

Clerk: “That’s OK.”

Ming: "You’re OK with that?”

So OK, apparently, that the clerk then locked the door on Ming, who proceeded to call the clerk’s manager.

At last, the clerk relented and deadpaned to the woman as he handed over the check: “Thank you for choosing Metro PCS. You have a wonderful day.”

*Channel 13’s Ron Jones said robbers in Stockton were “armed and dangerous.” That reminds me of the old Dennis Miller (back when he was still funny) line: “What else is he going to be, armed and gregarious?”

OK, enough cheese. The local stations actually finished strong with some good reporting.

* Channel 13: Anchor Sam Shane reported on a woman, already in prison, who’s running a surrogate-mother scam. One Bay Area couple, Shane reported, was bilked out of $40,000.

Shane played it straight - no "Minglike" theatrics where he becomes bigger than the story. We’d like to see Shane do more special reports.

* News10 spent the first 10 minutes of its 11 p.m. newscast with a special report on “The Achievement Gap” (see screen grab, at right) between rich and poor schools in Sacramento. Dana Howard did a thorough, interesting and fair report and didn’t rely on flashy graphics or scary music.

* Channel 3’s Lynsey Paulo (a consumer reporter who is seriously cheese-deficient) reported on deaths of children caused by dentists during procedures and the lack of action by the state Dental Board.

* And, finally, one last count of my newest pet peeve, alliteration: “Wiggle Woes” (Channel 3), "Plastic Present” (Channel 13), "Garden Grinch” (Channel 13) and “Surrogate Scandal” (Channel 13).

Well, that’s it, thankfully, for November sweeps. Come back soon (probably this afternoon) for the actual results of the ratings period.

As for me, I’m going a take a little break from local news and instead watch the most trusted man in fake journalism.

Late-breaking sweeps update: I don't quite know how to spin this, because I'm still in disbelief, so I'll just state the facts as passed along by a friendly reader:

Channel 31's "Good Day Sacramento" took sweeps to a new level today - it blew up a car using a machine gun.

Don't believe me? Watch it here.

Did I mention that, thank goodness, sweeps end tonight?

After some recent unfashionable allegations about L'Image Boutique selling fake Gucci handbags at high-end prices, I felt a visit to the Pavilions store, owned by Ana Divac (Vlade's wife), was in order.

Would there still be bags to be bagged up and taken home? Or would the shelves be filled with only designer perfumes and makeup collections?

Well, there are still bags to be had at L'Image, though the labels I saw were certainly not outrageous, at least not the ones sitting out on stools; I couldn't get to the ones in the glass cases. A couple of bags by Hype, which is sold online (Zappos.com, for less than $200) and certainly not an exclusive designer label, were available. The other bags were handsome, but I didn't see anything resembling Prada or Fendi.

Rumor is this store is shuttering right after the holidays. But inventory is high when it comes to perfumes and cosmetics. So, if there's a fragrance you've been buying there that you can't get elsewhere, the best bet is to buy, and buy now.

The sad thing is, the salespeople seem genuinely nice, and there are some lovely candles and gift sets, but someone really goofed when it came to managing this venture. It could have been a gold mine for cosmetics divas.

Paul Robins, host of Y92.5 FM's "The Paul Show," returned to the airwaves this morning, one day after being rushed to the hospital with a kidney stone.

Not only was Paul back, but he put a photo of the kidney stone (ouch!) on the station's Web site. He told listeners that passing the stone was like child birth - not that he'd know, of course.

Blown off by The Sacramento Bee? We’ll see about that later on tonight! Right here on CBS13 news at 10!
- Channel 13’s Kurtis Ming

Yeah, it’s about time “Call Kurtis” blew the lid off The Bee’s corruption. We’re all a bunch of plant thieves, wastrels and roustabouts.

Tuesday night, Ming, the station’s consumer reporter, did a piece on a south Sacramento homeowner who had front-lawn statues and plants stolen in the wee hours of the morning, right after, it seems, the morning newspaper was delivered. So the man installed surveillance cameras and caught a man stealing plants not 45 seconds after a Bee delivery person dropped off the paper.

Busted!

Well, not really.

Turns out the man’s newspaper carrier is a mother-and-daughter team, and it was a man who stole the plants. Still, the homeowner “called Kurtis” when The Bee refused to pay for the cost of the pilfered landscaping. Ming, that investigative bulldog, successfully cajoled The Bee’s upper management to cut a check. Little matter that newspaper carriers aren’t employed by The Bee (they’re independent contractors) or that there was no proof that the carrier stole the plants to begin with.

Kurtis seeks justice - and big ratings! He will NOT be ignored.

(Kurtis' next Big Bee Scoop: Our mascot, Scoopy, is behind the burglary spree in Lodi! Just kidding.)

In other sweeps developments:

* Obligatory Sex Story: Channel 13’s Brandi (With an "I") Hitt reports that eating vegetables improves your sex life.

Brandi: “What’s not happening in the bedroom may be what’s cooking in the kitchen. Could a change in diet be what you need to light up your libido?”

Lose the Viagra, pass the green beans.

* Obligatory Animal Story: Several stations, most notably Channel 3, reported on the theft of a rare bird, named Trouble, from a pet store.

* Anywhere But the Set: The trend spreads of newscasts going to other parts of the building to file reports. Channel 13 sent reporters to the lobby, the newsroom, the hallway and, yes, Tony Lopez even reported live from the men’s room Tuesday night (as predicted here a week ago). And now, Channel 3 has started reporting from “Studio B,” which is next door to the main set. KCRA has had reporters in the newsroom and at the “severe weather center.” But Studio B is new.

* Banter of the Night Award: To Fox40’s Thomas Drayton and Donna Cordova, after a story that claims women talk more than men (20,000 words a day, compared to 7,000).

Donna: “Maybe that’s why we live longer. We get it out there.”

Thomas: “I’m not going to touch it.”

Donna: “We talk it through.”

Thomas: “You see?”

* Alliteration Alert: To Channel 13's “Dodging Disaster,” “Bad Business” and “Recorded Ripoff.”

* Artistic Location Shot of the Night: Channel 3’s Richard Sharp, reporting on which two high schools in Sacramento might close, cut between the two schools in mid-sentence. He started the sentence in front of one school, ended it in front of the other.

* Weather Hyperbole: News10 led its broadcast with the “painfully cold” weather, as anchor Cristina Mendonsa said. Reporter Dave Marquis: “You can feel the chill cutting right through you.”

So then they threw it to weather guesser Patty Souza, who told us the weather in downtown Sacramento was 43 degrees.

These people obviously have never lived on the East Coast.

* And finally, in a story about a Tracy family getting evicted because of community redevelopment, Channel 13’s Mike Dello Stritto quoted a local man who identified himself as “Grizzly Adams” as saying, “I think it’s stupid... .”

Wait. Grizzly Adams?

C’mon. Anyone with pop culture knowledge knows that’s a TV character.

Just to be sure, I did a database search for Tracy and its surrounding areas and, not surprisingly, found no one by that name.

And yes, sweeps is finally getting to me.

I'm happy to report that the "Couturshion" fashion show held earlier this month at Destiny Church in Sacramento was packed. And that's good news for the participants (some shown above), 15 of whom were raising money for a fun-filled fashion trip to New York right after Christmas.

I wrote about the fashion show a few days before it happened. Kitty Griffin, who heads Progressive Women of Excellence Inc. in Sacramento, helped coordinate the show through PWOE's INNERvention Community Outreach Program. After a much-needed rest, she checked in to say the show was "great."

"The energy and the response from the audience was wonderful," she says. "They were very interactive. And there were a couple of people from the fashion industry in attendance, one of whom said he hadn't seen such disciplined youth."

The models/designers, some as young as 6, put in a lot of hard work. They designed the clothes and spent countless hours rehearsing for the show.

"The girls were so excited that their hard work paid off," Griffin says. "This was the first time they showed their creations. Getting standing ovations was so special for them."

Griffin says the group got pretty close to its goal. "We raised almost $10,000, which is maybe $1,800 off from what we needed."

As of now, the group's lodging and tickets to see a Broadway show are mostly covered. Now they're working on the airfare.

Unfortunately, I won't get to go, but it will be the experience of a lifetime for these young ladies. If you're interested in helping them get off the ground, so to speak, donations are still being accepted at (916) 392-9692.

Regular listeners to "The Paul Show" on Y92.5 FM this morning were ear-witnesses to some on-air drama.

It was just after the show started at 5:30 a.m. Host Paul Robins (left) told listeners he wasn't feeling well and that he was going to lie down. Turns out, Robins was suffering from a kidney stone (ouch!) and was taken to a local hospital. Co-hosts Lori Sacco and Kelly (no last name) took over.

According to Mike Berlak, Y92.5's program director, Robins is back home this morning.

"It takes something like that to get Paul to leave his show," Berlak says. "I wouldn't be surprised if he showed up tomorrow morning."

Et tu, Terry Gross?

So I’m driving into work this morning, feeling more than a little weary from watching all the crime and sex during local TV news sweeps. With just two days of sweeps month left, I decided to cleanse my media palate, as it were, by tuning into NPR and highbrow interviewer Gross (pictured left) on “Fresh Air.”

And what do I hear just as I punch the pre-set button?

An author talking about “raunch culture” and something about “Girls Gone Wild” videos and “hos (whores) on rap videos waxing cars with their body parts.”

Yikes! You just can’t escape it!

Anyway, back to TV sweeps.

Channel 3 did its “special report” Monday night - part 2 of the series airs tonight at 11 - on online sexual predators. Pamela Wu told us these guys (and they’re almost always guys) “groom girls for sex.” She interviewed a woman who says that, as a girl, she was wooed by an older man online but was saved by a computer game that told her of the dangers. Now the woman works for the organization that makes the game.

I liked the report - mostly straight-ahead, no eerie synthesizer music - though at this point in sweeps, I had the feeling I’d seen this report before.

The other interesting thing Monday night were the stories that the stations chose to lead the late news.

Fox40 led with a home invasion in south Sacramento (the only station to report it). Channel 13 led with a report called “Preying on Patriotism,” a bogus e-mail scam from a “soldier.” (No other station reported that). Channel 3 led with whether the Iraq conflict should be called a “civil war.” (It was one of the rare times any station has led a newscast with reports from Iraq). And News10 led with a dispute in the Bay Area 'burb of Lafayette over a roadside Iraq war dead memorial and whether it was an anti-war statement or a pro-troops statement. (Again, it was the only station in Sac to cover it).

What does this tell us?

I’m too tired to suss it out. But how about this? On nights when there’s no obvious lead story, we get the most diverse news of the month. And - I think - that’s a good thing.

Other highlights:

* I’m proud of our local reporters for finally realizing the marketing gimmick that “Cyber Monday” truly is.

* I also had been really proud of our local weather guessers for not succumbing to hoary meteorological cliches. But Channel 13’s Angelique Frame (right), during a live shot from Blue Canyon, broke the spell: “It was a winter wonderland...enough white stuff to even make a snow man.”

* Banter of the Night Award goes to News10’s Dale Schornack and Patty Souza (left). After a report on “Cyber Monday,” Schornack turns to the weather guesser and the two talk about Souza’s penchant for online shopping.

Dale: “You are depriving people of seeing Patty Souza at the mall in a T-shirt and tennis shoes.”

Patty: “No makeup. And look at her wrinkles!”

Dale (turning to the camera): “She has no wrinkles.”

Patty: “I do! Wait until we get high def.”

* Banter Award runner-up goes to Dave Walker and Lois Hart, spouses and anchors on Channel 3. After KCRA’s Cyber Monday report, Walker mumbled something about shopping for kitchen products.

Lois: “That’s not what I want.”

Dave: “...You don’t want to get anywhere near the kitchen.”

* Alliteration of the Night: To Channel 13’s Kurtis Ming on this tease: “Rebate reality or mail-in migraine?”

* Compelling story: News10’s Tim Daly on what it’s like being a Cal-Trans worker doing construction on a freeway with big rigs bearing down on you. We’ll never complain about having to watch TV again for work. These Cal-Trans guys have got it a lot worse.

Compelling story II: Fox40’s Louisa Hodge reported on a wedding at the Sacramento County clerk’s office that was threatened to be postponed due to a fire alarm. Seems the bride and groom, who were in their traditional East Indian garb, had to catch a flight this morning. But the clerk eventually married the two off.

* And finally, what happened to Channel 13’s Kris Pickel? We’re watching her do a live shot from the parking lot of a Wal-Mart when suddenly she says, “Sorry” to someone outside of the shot. Then, the camera goes off.

OK, so maybe I've been a little harsh, coming down on our local TV newscasts every day during sweeps month.

So, in the interest of fairness, let's come down hard on national newscasts. Check out this video, immortalized on YouTube, of a Fox Network "Live News Flash." Apparently, reporter Martha MacCallum and the crew were not aware that they were on the air.

This video answers the question: What do TV folks talk about right before they go on the air? Their hair, of course.

Sychophantic staffer to MacCallum: "I love the bob. I think you had the best bob ever."

MacCallum: "I can always go back to the bob."

Staffer: "I just felt it was the most effective bob."

Stay tuned to the end, when MacCallum does a quick read-through of the news. Hilarious.

Sorry for posting this so late, but I’ve been online all morning buying, buying, buying. After all, it is the vaunted “Cyber Monday,” as local TV news tells us. So, no one’s getting any work done.

Am I being hyperbolic?

Of course. But I’m just taking my cue from the newscasts.

With Thanksgiving behind us, I feel as if I’ve been watching the Home Shopping Network. “Black Friday” reports led the local news in the early evening on Friday, and only the killing of an off-duty cop in Fairfield prevented the story from leading the late news.

(Is it just me, or could local stations rerun tape of previous “Black Fridays” - the stampedes toward the entrances, the long lines to check out, the add-nothing quotes from shoppers - and no one would know the difference?

Hey, I’ve got nothing against capitalism. But I could sort of sympathize with the granola-crunchers who touted Friday as “Buy Nothing Day,” only because it would’ve spared us from live shots at the malls.)

Channel 3 took advantage of its studio at Arden Fair to bring us the news from that mall all day - except for the late news, when Edie Lambert holed up in the actual studio.

The Arden mall location (a.k.a. “the KCRA Experience”) works for Channel 3’s noon news, when Walt Gray and Co. cook with Biba and mix lifestyle and the headlines. But doing the 5 p.m. news with Dave Walker and Lois Hart from there was a bit much. Channel 3 spent its first 10 minutes talking about shopping, with four reporters (yes, FOUR) weighing in.

Here are some lasting images: Suzanne Phan holding store coupons up to the camera, like an informercial host; Mike TeSelle nearly trampling a woman in line in Roseville; Dann Shively hovering over malls in his copter, giving us shots of parked cars.

Quoth traffic reporter Adrienne Bankert: “Arden Fair Mall needs all the help it can get with parking.”

What, as if that’s a breaking news story? I’ve never been to that mall when parking has NOT been a problem.

Meanwhile, at Channel 13, anchor banter revolved around a report that men are outspending women at the stores. And at News10, George Warren gave us the results of a new poll, “commissioned by America Online” (gee, there’s a non-biased observer), that reports 80 percent of people will shop online. And News10 timed a woman to see how long it would take her to purchase her items at a Best Buy in Stockton. (Answer: 20 minutes.)

Hyperbole of the night goes to Fox40’s Louisa Hodge: “By the time you park your car, you’re almost too exhausted to shop.”

But my favorite “Black Friday” image was Fox40’s visual of a man’s foot being run over by a woman in wheelchair as they made their dash to the entrance. The station replayed it three times, as if it was the Zapruder film.

For good measure, Fox40 showed a Virginia shopper punching out another guy in line. Yeah, Merry Freakin’ Christmas.

Good news: Only three more days of sweeps remaining.

And, in the shameless plug category, I’m going to take myself to task for telling you to be sure to pick up The Bee’s Scene section on Tuesday for our print-version of local TV news sweeps madness.

Associated Press

If I'm blogging, then that must mean I'm not among the throngs who are shopping till they drop on this Black Friday. No, I didn't camp out on Thanksgiving Day and eat a turkey sandwich while in line, like some folks at a Best Buy store in West Patterson, N.J. did, according to the Associated Press.

Truth is, I haven't gone shopping on Black Friday in about six years. It's not a holiday, you know. But, for some reason, today's clear skies and crisp temperatures make me long for a line and a bargain.

Yes, online is easy, but I like seeing Santa and having a half dozen bags hanging on my arms. I want to rub elbows with folks sniffing fragrances at the cosmetics counters and watching guys get uncomfortable in Victoria's Secret. Not to mention, see people eating burgers and fries because they're turkeyed out.

So, if you've been out there, looking for a parking space - shopping lists in hand - hope you had fun! Wish I were there.

You know, if this anchor thing doesn’t work out, Dave and Lois might be able to find work on the Food Channel.

“Chefs” Walker and Hart, those lovable Channel 3 anchors, shed the serious news personas on Thanksgiving and spent a significant portion of the 6:30 p.m. newscast weighing in on the Italian sweetbread, panettone.

We’re only going to give you a partial transcript of Dave and Lois’ bread banter, but you’ll get the idea. The exchange typifies the mood that was on almost all the Thanksgiving newscasts. For one day, sweeps-month concerns were relaxed and, for the most part, the crime coverage was on holiday.

Anyway, after airing a report on bread, a holiday delicacy, Lois brought out a slice of panettone and said: “In the interest of journalism, I had to try it. It’s sort of like fruitcake, but not really. It’s not as dense.”

Dave: “It’s not anywhere near like fruitcake. It’s much better. It’s sort of spongy with a sourdough texture to it.”

Lois: “Sort of lemony, too.”

Dave: “All different colors...I’m going to eat.”

Then, Channel 3 cut to a story on holiday sales at Tower Records, after which the anchor duo returned to live, team coverage on the bread beat.

Dave: “No way panettone is like fruitcake.”

Lois: “I mean, just that it has fruit in it.”

Dave: “Those are hard things, Lois. These are much sweeter.”

Lois: “Softer.”

Cut to a story about Black Friday shopping, after which Dave wrapped up the panettone coverage by turning to Lois and saying: “What if we did a story about brussel sprouts? Would you be as excited?”

No response from Lois.

In non-panettone Turkey Day news:

* News10 led its 11 p.m. newscast with reporter Monika Diaz calculating how many calories anchor Dale Schornack consumed during Thanksgiving dinner (4,120) and how many miles Schornack would have to walk to burn off the calories (42 miles).

Quipped Schornack: “TV adds about five pounds.”

When News10 went to a break a few minutes later, Schornack pulled out a piece of pumpkin pie and feigned taking a bite.

* Story that all four stations covered: A gaggle of turkeys caught on surveillance tape on a New Jersey train station platform, apparently “trying to escape their fate.”

* More late-breaking turkey coverage: Channel 13 aired a story on a one-eyed turkey who is a family’s pet.

* That turkey that President Bush pardoned? It went to Disneyland.

In non-Thanksgiving news:

* Fox40’s truncated 10 p.m. newscast was not exactly as warm and fuzzy as its competitors. It led with Nina Mehlhaf reporting on a wheelchair-bound man mugged on the Tower Bridge, then followed it a couple of stories later with a cheery piece about one Alzheimer’s patient murdering another in a nursing home.

* Tease of the Night, from Channel 13’s Mike Dello Stritto: “That fire in the fireplace might make you sick!”

* Channels 3 and 13 went beyond Thanksgiving to air features about the Hmong New Year’s celebration at Cal Expo.

* News10's Dan Adams filed a report on the small earthquake in Hawaii - from Hawaii, where he was vacationing. Geez, we know News10 is a non-union shop, but making a guy work on his vacation? (Actually, Adams volunteered.)

* And finally, what would Thanksgiving be without a sex offender story? Thanks, Fox40, for airing that report about the man in San Mateo who held a girl captive for months in his basement.

With Thanksgiving being today and all, I thought I'd give myself a little challenge to see if I can unearth some delicious cocktails that incorporate all the elements of the traditional holiday menu - nominally, at least. Here are my hard-won findings, just in time for your post-feast feast:

The Dirty Bird (Not so much a cocktail, but my very favorite thing to order at one of my favorite bars in Seattle, and I just had to share):
One shot of Wild Turkey
One tall boy of Pabst

Almond Gravy:
One part coffee liqueur
One part Amaretto almond liqueur

Cranberry Apple Martini:
Two parts cranberry vodka
One part Sour Apple Pucker
3/4 part cranberry juice

Pumpkin Pie:
2 parts Kahlua
1 part Bailey's Irish Cream
1 part Goldschlager
Cinnamon

Sadly, I couldn't find anything that remotely involved green bean casserole. Or stuffing, but I hoped you wouldn't notice.

Happy Thanksgiving!

“It’s one of the busiest travel days of the year.”
- Tom DuHain, Channel 3, at 5 p.m.

“It’s one of the busiest travel days of the year.”
- Kye Martin, Fox40, 10 p.m.

Well, there you have it. That hoary old cliché about the night before Thanksgiving being (all together now) “the busiest travel day of the year” easily beat out “all the fixin' s” (only News10’s Dale Schornack and Channel 3’s Lynsey Paulo chimed in with that one) for the most-used phrase Wednesday night.

In the early-evening news, Channel 3 and News10 were in full Thanksgiving mode. Ten of the 14 stories News10 reported at 5 p.m. were Turkey Day-related, and Channel 3 at 5 p.m. devoted 14 of its 17 stories to the travel, the traffic, the cooking, the obligatory pardoning of the turkey by President Bush.

Only Channel 13 stayed with what it does best - crime, fires and accidents. The first seven stories that Channel 13 reported were of that nature, including this heart-warming yarn: A senior citizen in Marysville was bound and gagged in her home and had her turkey stolen. Oh, and her car, too. The tease to the story was classic: “TERRORIZED OVER TURKEY.”

Thanksgiving traditions reared their head on several newscasts. News10 reprised its practice of sending a reporter to a local market and asking kids how to cook a turkey. And it never fails to amuse. One kid’s confident response: 350 degrees for 10 to 15 minutes.” Coincidentally, News10’s next story was about safety tips for cooking the bird. Schornack: “Raw turkeys can be a breeding ground of bacteria.”

(Speaking of traditions, this is jumping ahead in chronology a bit, but this morning on “Good Day Sacramento,” they replayed the annual heartwarming tape of Mark S. Allen taking a turkey to a strip club. Don’t ask why; it’s “Good Day.” It doesn’t need a reason.)

Anyway, back to Wednesday night. All the regular anchors were on hand - no cutting out early during sweeps month. But some were openly phoning it in. Check out this exchange between weather guesser Mark Finan and anchors Lois Hart and Dave Walker at 6:30 p.m. on Channel 3:

Walker: “Millions of people are on the road, Mark. Any weather conditions to worry about?”

Finan: “If everyone’s on the road, why are we broadcasting?”

Hart: “They watch on computers on the road...or on the handheld whatever.”

Finan (incredulous): “OK.”

Hart (school-marmish): “This is important, Mark.”

Finan looked suitably chastened.

Other sweeps observations:

* Channel 13 weather guesser Dave Bender at 10 p.m.: “As far as liquid precipitation in the high country, not a lot.”

Liquid precip? As opposed to SOLID?

* On Channel 13’s safe-shopping package, reporter Ron Jones endured a simulated mugging as he pretended to talk on a cell phone in a parking lot.

* A scooplet for Channel 3: At 5 p.m., it showed the machine that TSA screeners use to process baggage at the airport. Walker made sure we knew it was a scoop. “And now for exclusive video. KCRA was the only station allowed past the security checkpoint.”

* Fox40’s sports guy Jim Crandell never ceases to entertain with his witty asides and inside jokes. Wednesday night, he reported a story about how the Tribune Company might sell the Chicago Cubs. “If the Tribune does sell, I think they need to split the money between all Tribune employees.”

Yes, Fox40 is owned by the same company.

* News10 burnished its reputation as the “good news” station by linking via satellite a U.S. Army officer with her family for a long-distance reunion. Mendonsa said there wasn’t a dry eye in the newsroom. Schornack: “We’re a bunch of softies.”

* And finally, the tease of the night goes to Channel 13’s indefatigable Kurtis Ming: “Never pay taxes again! All you have to do is become your own religion!”

Sacramento Bee/Michael A. Jones

Nothing says the holidays to a theater critic as much as the proliferation of Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.” It is easily the most produced play (in some version or another) in the United States each year. I haven’t counted this year's entries, but we are quite lucky to have our own locally grown adaptation (by playwright Richard Hellesen and the late composer David DeBerry) playing again at Sacramento Theatre Company. Of course "A Christmas Carol" is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to holiday theater productions.
Three years ago, I came up with the idea of a photo shoot combining various disparate characters in a fun salute to the numerous holiday-themed productions in our area. The spread would come out on the Friday after Thanksgiving as a sort of holiday season kickoff. It went so well (thanks to the photographers, designers, actors and costumers) that we’ve continued it in some variation each succeeding year since. This year’s theme is “The Usual Suspects” (courtesy of art director Val Mina) which really needs no more explanation. The photo spread has been pushed to Sunday’s Ticket+ and here’s a taste.

Ah, Thanksgiving Eve - the night before the big feast. Shouldn't this day be just as big of an event as Christmas Eve?

I think so - after all, what better way to ramp up into the 2006 Holiday Season?

And I don't mean by watching "America's Next Top Model" - set the TiVo and enjoy the show Thursday while you're waiting for the Tofurky to roast.

Instead, get out of the house tonight for Old Ironsides' annual pre-Thanksgiving show. This year's lineup is a blockbuster one with Jackpot, An Angle and Ghosts of California.

All this for just $10 - and not a nosy relative in sight. Show starts at 10 p.m. and is 21-and-over only.

Visit the Old I site for more info.

Nothing beats multitasking on Thanksgiving Day: Watch the Macy's Parade, truss a bird, watch a football game, baste a bird.

Are we done yet?

Not quite. How about a little online shopping?

I've received quite a few e-mails offering tempting deals, including one of my favorite shopping destinations, J.Crew (check out its Web site here - if I shop on Thanksgiving Day, sometime between bites, that is. Deals on shipping, discounts on merchandise and the ability to do all this in the confines of my home, in my pajamas.

So, even though there's a store in Downtown Plaza and at Roseville's Galleria, maybe I'll just click on Thursday and visit a store on Friday.

FYI: The Downtown Plaza J.Crew is conveniently located at the end of the mall where the Christmas tree will be lit Friday evening. Festivities usually get underway around 5 p.m. Best seat? Right inside the Hard Rock Cafe fence. But get there early - crowds gather in a hurry.

And hey, how do they all know I don't get dressed until after the bird is cooked?

Sacramento Bee/Lezlie Sterling

What’s this?

Some perspective?

During sweeps month?

Now there’s a surprise.

But such an unlikely occurrence happened Tuesday on News10’s 11 p.m. broadcast. After leading with the verdict in the Mario Garcia trial - as all stations did, with good reason - News10 then took a different course.

Whereas Channel 13 spent 10 minutes on Garcia, covering every possible angle, and Channel 3 and Fox40 devoted several sidebars to Garcia, News10 switched to reporter Mark Hedlund for an in-depth look at how Sacramento “streets are not as deadly as in the past.”

Yes, that’s surprising. Because, if you watch local TV news for any amount of time, you’d get the impression that we live in a crime-infested hellhole replete with rapists, serial killers, nefarious sex offenders, arsonists and reckless drivers.

But Hedlund, who has been working the crime beat for 25 years at News10, gave viewers some much-needed historical perspective. He showed numbers proving that there actually has been less crime in Sacramento this past year than in years past. You want to talk high crime? Try 1993, when there was 145 murders - 13 per every 100,000 residents.

And Hedlund quoted a Sac State criminologist, who told us we’re much safer here than in the past: “You sort of need to take a breath and take the long view.”

Long view?

Local TV?

You must be kidding.

Now, about the coverage of the Garcia verdict: As I pointed out in Tuesday afternoon’s posting, Channel 13 beat the other stations in reporting that Garcia was found guilty of first-degree murder. This is a big story, but Channel 13 spent 10 of its 24 minutes at 6 p.m. on this lone report.

And it was a little self-serving for 13 to do a victory lap both at 6 and 11 p.m. by detailing how reporter Bridget Cannata scooped the competition by text messaging the verdict from the courtroom, where cameras were not allowed.
As anchor Pallas Hupe finally intoned halfway through the 6 p.m. broadcasts, “There are other stories out there tonight.”

Indeed.

Channel 3 was late to jump on the verdict when it was announced a few minutes after 2 p.m. It stayed with the soap opera, “Passions,” instead of breaking in for a report.

But KCRA redeemed itself Tuesday night with its thorough - but not overkill - coverage. It was the only station to get one-on-one interviews with the parents of victim Christie Wilson. Dave Walker and Lois Hart talked to the mother, Debbie Boyd, at 6:30 and then reporter Leticia Ordaz interviewed both parents at 11.

Not that the parents said much tht was new. The only scooplet Channel 3 had was Boyd’s declaration that she’d be willing to cut a plea deal with Garcia if he would tell authorities “where he left the body.” But it’s the prosecutor, not the victim’s family, that decides sentencing.

As Hupe so sagely said, there was other news last night:

* Late in News10’s 11 p.m. broadcast, anchors Dale Schornack and Cristina Mendonsa teased to a story on that annoying magician David Blaine pulling another stunt - this time escaping from shackles while suspended four stories above Times Square.

Cut to a commercial...and it just so happens to be a commercial for Target, featuring David Blaine. (Target is sponsoring the stunt.) Return to News10, which then runs its story on Blaine.

Some might call it “synergy;” I call it nauseating.

Credit an embarrassed Schornack, however, for pointing out the advertising/editorial melding: “That was the news story you just saw. The commercial was two minutes ago.”

* Tease of the Night, during Channel 13’s late news: “We’re flipping the bird Wednesday on ‘Good Day,’” gushed Julissa Ortiz.

* Tease of the Night, runner-up, during Channel 13’s late news: “Commode Concerns,” barked reporter Kris Pickel. (It was a story about high sewer rates in rural Cascade Shores, a story that News10’s Dan Adams aired on Nov. 10.)

* And, finally, the dry wit of Dave Walker reared itself again. At 6:30, he interviewed a geologist who was talking about a tsunami that they think hit Lake Tahoe 15,000 years ago.

Walker: “So no casinos were there at that time?”

Not that I get all my news from "Entertainment Tonight," but it looks like the show was all over the wedding this weekend of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

"ET" reporter Jann Carl had set up shop outside the matrimonial castle and, because I wasn't invited, she's the one who tipped me - and anyone else who was watching Monday night - as to the couple's honeymoon whereabouts.

Earlier on Monday, I had posted an item on Katie's wedding gown and left you with two burning questions: Where is the couple honeymooning? And when did everyone clear out?

In addition to getting comments from wedding guests such as Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones - as well as bugging the heck out of Brooke Shields and Will Smith - Carl informed us that TomKat left the building, er, castle at 5 a.m. and were whisked away in the dark of night for the fabulous Maldives in the Indian Ocean.

Were the guests still partying when the couple left, or were they just playing Dungeons & Dragons in the "entertainment room?"

Of course, baby Suri, Carl reported, went along with her parents to the island getaway. Funny thing, Tom's ex - Nicole Kidman - and her new husband, Keith Urban, also honeymooned island-style post their recent wedding.

Just minutes ago, the Mario Garcia verdict - guilty of first-degree murder and weapons charges in the death of Christie Wilson - came in. And Channel 13 scooped the TV competition by getting on the air with it first.

And Channel 13 did it via text messaging, with reporter Bridget Cannata inside the courtroom. That enabled 13 to get on the air a good three minutes before News10 went on the air with reporter Mark Hedlund, reporting the guily verdicts on the steps outside the courtroom. (Hedlund told viewers he ran outside to give viewers the news.)

What about Channel 3? Well, on this day, it was "Where the News Comes Last." KCRA chose to stay with its soap opera, "Passions." So, while Cannata was texting and Hedlund sprinting for his live shot, on Channel 3 we had the character Fancy calling beloved Luis from her hospital bed. "Does Luis have feelings for me or what?" Fancy asked. Alas, Fancy got Luis' answering machine. Eventually, Channel 3 ran a scroll across the bottom of the screen, annnouncing the convictions.

This was a clear scoop by Channel 13. Cannata interacted via BlackBerry with anchor Sam Shane in the newsroom. They commented about the mood of the family ("cheering") and Garcia ("no emotion.")

Warning: This blog posting contains strong language and disturbing images.

Not really. We’re actually trying to keep it clean here today. But it’s going to be hard, because several local TV news reports Monday night were definitely R-rated.

Sure, a couple of them ran a disclaimer such as the one above, moments before launching into video of Michael Richards’ now-infamous and profane tirade. But you’d have to have a pretty quick remote-control trigger finger to change the channel and miss the first swear words.

It wasn’t just the former “Seinfeld” star who pushed the envelope. Channel 3’s Dave Walker had a hilarious blooper-reel-worthy slip of the tongue himself at the end of the 11 o’clock broadcast. KCRA also aired a harmless, but nonetheless scatological segment featuring Walker, consumer reporter Lynsey Paulo and a toy doll. And perhaps the most disturbing story of all – Nazi gingerbread men.

But first, let’s recap the Richards story.

Channel 13 went way, way over-the-top on this story. It led both the 6 and 10 p.m. newscasts with it. At 10 p.m., it spent a whopping 6 minutes, 37 seconds on Richards. And, because I’m always looking for ulterior motives and hidden agendas, I suspect it was because Jerry Seinfeld and Richards (via satellite) were on that night on David Letterman’s show, which also happens to be on CBS.

Conversely, Channel 3 briefly covered the Richards story at 5 p.m., but didn’t have any mention of it at 11 o’clock. Curious. Richards’ tirade definitely qualifies as a story, so conspiracy theorists such as me might think Channel 3 didn’t want to give Letterman any props for scoring the appearances since, of course, Jay Leno airs right after the 11 p.m. news - on NBC.

News10 had it about right, devoting 56 seconds to the story. (Fox40’s report, by the way, was 2 minutes, 27 seconds.)

Now, about the content of the reports: All the stations ran grainy footage of Richards going off, complete with the F-word just barely bleeped out (c’mon, the bleeping didn’t fool anyone) and either little Xs or stars covering other offending words, including the N-word. But in one of the night's biggest bad decisions: Channel 13 didn’t X out the N-word in the closed captioning.

Channel 13 also covered the story from every conceivable angle - some might call it thorough; I call it overkill. Tony Lopez interviewed the head of Sacramento’s Urban League. Kris Pickel interviewed a local comic. Lopez told us all about the Web site TMZ.com, which broke the original story. And, as a sidebar, they plugged a new children’s book about the N-word.

Meanwhile, Channel 13 waited until almost halfway into its newscast (the 12th story) to report on the victim of the serial rapist speaking out.

On to other bleep-worthy items:

* At 11 p.m., the irrepressible Walker had a slip of the tongue while introducing a story about a 50-year-old can of Coors beer found in San Diego.

Said Walker: “And as we wrap up the newscast tonight, some of you just might be crapping open - uh, cracking open - a cold beer.”

Co-anchor Edie Lambert cracked up. Walker soldiered on. “Take it any way you want,” the unflappable Walker said. Lambert, still laughing, then took over: “I’m going to leave that alone.”

At the end of the report, which relayed how badly the beer smelled and tasted, Walker offered this assessment: “I think I had it right the first time. That is a crappy can of beer.”

This is why Dave is so beloved in Sacramento.

* At 6:30, Walker and Paulo put on something of a comedy routine during a Call 3 segment on testing holiday toys. Paulo handed Walker the Hasbro Baby Alive doll, telling Dave: “She eats, drinks and, well, you know what.”

A mock horrified look crossed Walker’s face. “You have to wonder about the toymaker. What were they thinking about when they do something like this?”

But then Walker got into the spirit of the experiment, saying KCRA would give viewers “the straight poop.” Then anchor Lois Hart chimed in: “I’m betting it’s not terribly realistic, what comes out.”

Paulo: “It kind of is.”

Hart: “I’m with Dave. What were they thinking?”

* What's the deal with Fox40’s obsession with Nazi stories? A week or so ago, it reported about a high school soccer team somewhere in the Midwest that played a Hitler speech before a game. Monday night, it featured an artist in Ohio who got in trouble for a display of Nazi gingerbread men in a store window.

* Awful tease, great report: Channel 3’s scare-the-do-do-out-of-you tease - “A breast cancer nothing can detect!” - turned off at least a few female viewers I know. But the actual story, reported by Lambert Monday night, was excellent health reporting. Kudos to Channel 3 for devoting 3 minutes, 50 seconds to the report.

* A wag of the finger, however, to Channel 3 for wasting 2 minutes, 1 second (but, hey who’s counting?) of precious 11 p.m. airtime to a puff piece on going behind the scenes at NBC’s “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.”

* LOL sound bite of the night: Sac Mayor Heather Fargo was asked by Fox40 sports guy Jim Crandell how to keep the Kings in town and fund a new arena. Fargo: “Maybe every player in the NBA takes a 1 or 2 percent reduction in their pay and that money goes into an arena-building fund.”

Yeah, like that would ever happen.

* And let’s end with the obligatory animal story of the night (bears, not deer, in this case): Fox40 reported on a Vermont man mauled by a black bear before he killed it. Cue the video of a bulldozer carting off the carcass of the 600-pound quadruped.

TV critics say that anchors are nothing but vacuous talking heads. They're wrong, dead wrong. "Good Day Sacramento" on Monday showed that anchors Marianne McClary and Nick Toma aren't talking heads; they're puppets.

Check out this video. It's the best work Marianne and Nick have done in months.

Meanwhile, remember to check out Media Savvy in today's Bee for insights into what makes a good, respected local TV news anchor team. Hint: It has nothing to do with puppetry.

Yes, it's that time of year again. The stroke of midnight Thursday just won't be the start of Black Friday, the Christmas shopping extravaganza. It's also when KKFS (103.9 FM) begins its 24-hour non-stop playing of Christmas music. The marathon of glad tidings and joy will end on Dec. 25 at midnight.

What? No radio at your desk? Log on to the station's Web site.

AFP photograph

So, what did you think of the dress? Of course, we're talking about the Armani wedding gown of Katie Holmes - or is that Katie Cruise?

I heard a couple of folks say it didn't have that "wow" factor they were hoping for, but that she did look very pretty. My thoughts? The dress really suited Katie, and I liked the idea that his shirt was made from some of the same fabric. Cute, huh?

I rang up Sanea Sommerfield, co-designer of Miosa Couture wedding gowns on J Street, to get her opinion. She agrees that Katie's personality and look is more classic and elegant than, say, flashy Hollywood glamour.

"The dress portrayed that," Sommerfield says. "Any designer working on a wedding gown has to focus on the woman's personality and not what she, or the groom, wants her to wear - if (the designer) does that, the dress loses its beauty."

She adds that Katie is more "girl next door. She's not so much the starlet type. She's much more understated, and she's young, too (27)."

The images I saw of the happy couple were interesting for another reason. I think Armani didn't want the dress to overwhelm Katie - or Tom. Because of their closeness in height, it also appears as if Katie scrunched down a bit so as not to top her new husband. The pics definitely had sort of a sweet prom feel to them.

But who picked the photo location? It looked like maybe the dungeon of the castle.

Getty Images

As for the wedding guests, we saw a whole lot more of folks like Jennifer Lopez (right) and Victoria Beckham (left), flitting from one event to the other, than we did of TomKat - although we did get a nice peek at them pre-ceremony. Beckham, who reportedly attended the wedding sans her husband (he had soccer practice, natch), and Lopez are both shown either shopping or heading to the airport the day after the nuptials. Gotta make one last stop at Dior in Rome before flying home.

Next burning question: What time did they clear the castle?

Last burning question: Will Tom and Katie honeymoon with the kids?

If there is one story that just screams sweeps, it is the tale of woe involving a Salvation Army bell ringer named Corey Trepagnier (pictured below).

This story on Friday night had it all, and all four stations ran with it: (1) A bell-ringer gets robbed at knifepoint in front of an Albertsons in East Sac; (2) Said bell ringer is a disabled Iraq war vet; (3) Oh, did we mention he’s a native of New Orleans, rendered homeless by Hurricane Katrina?; (4) And he just looked so sad, with two black eyes and bruises on his face. (The Bee ran a four-sentence regional digest item on Saturday.)

At 5, 6, 10 and 11, the stations couldn’t get enough of Corey’s plight. Cue the B-roll footage of fire fights in Baghdad and flooded neighborhoods in Katrina. Go for an extreme close-up on Trepagnier’s face. Channel 13 led its 6 p.m. newscast with the story, Fox40 led with it at 10 p.m., while Channels 3 and 10 put it in the middle of their newscasts.

In the early reports (5 and 6 p.m.) of the story, we had a nagging problem with it. None of the stations mentioned why Trepagnier had bruises all over his face. It wasn’t from the robbery, since the perps just pulled a knife and Corey gave them the pot o' money (about $40). It made a cynic like me wonder about the veracity of Trepagnier’s story. So I did a quick Lexis database search, and the dude checked out: former New Orleans resident now living with his aunt in Sacramento.

Still, I wanted to know the nature of the bruised face. Channel 13 and Fox40 didn’t give a reason in their 10 p.m. reports but, at 11, Channels 3 and 10 both reported that Trepagnier suffered the facial wounds from a recent seizure he suffered. Seems Corey sustained a head injury in Iraq and he gets uncontrollable seizures.

Geez. A sad story just gets sadder.

The only happy ending? It’s a ratings bonanza for local TV.

On to other Friday-night sweeps highlights:

* At last, a positive story about Stockton, which is treated as the go-to place for crime-reporting by our local stations. Channel 3’s Rich Ibarra did a “heartwarming” report on an 87-year-old school crossing guard.

* Channel 13 ended its 6 p.m. newscast with a story about an asteroid that NASA scientists think might hit earth in 2036 if the agency doesn’t take measures to redirect the big rock. Quipped anchor Sam Shane, aping the scare-people-during-sweeps routine: “Be very, very afraid...Isn’t this a bit of a stretch?”

* Most-underrated regular segment in the local TV news market: News10’s Jonathan Mumm’s “California Postcard,” a travel-history segment shot in high-definition. Learning about the history of the Empire Gold Mine in Grass Valley was a nice break from all-crime, all-the-time.

* Channel 3 anchor Lois Hart after wrapping up a story on the mania surrounding Sony’s PlayStation 3, introduced the next story thusly: “No coincidental segueway here... .” It was a story on childhood obesity.

* Yes, there was another deer story. No wacky antics this time, though. Fox40’s Lonnie Wong reported on the dangers of cars vs. deer. “There’s no doubt who wins when a car strikes a deer,” Wong says. Cut to video of a deer slamming into a car - or was it vice versa? - with an audible thud. (Quote from my 9-year-old: “Turn it off, Dad! Bambi’s mom's dead!”)

* Mini-scoop: Three of the four stations aired reports on the rash of burglaries in downtown Lodi, but only Channel 13 reported (and had video) of the perp on the surveillance camera later getting arrested.

* Pallas Hupe (pictured left) on Channel 13 airs occasional commentaries, provocatively titled, “Why Should I Care?” Most times, thankfully, we do care.

* More on Hupe: It looked as if she was delivering the commentary in the station’s lobby. Channel 13 has a habit of having anchors and reporters deliver stories throughout their West Sac building – the newsroom, the set, the engineer’s quarters, the hallways. I’m still waiting for Tony Lopez to report live from the men’s room.

* And, finally, this from the weekend, when I gave myself a break from watching local news to watch ... national cable news!

The coverage of the TomKat wedding was just out of control. All the cable channels treated it as a breaking-news story. Geez.

Associated Press

Well, I'm officially on TomKat watch - from afar, that is. An entire continent and multiple time zones. But, if I can't be in Rome, I can roam the wires for the goings-on in Italy.

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are set to tie the knot Saturday, reportedly at the 15th-century Odescalchi Castle in the small town of Bracciano, just north of Rome.

And over the past two days, air traffic has been busy hauling in the celebs who are said to be attending. Couples such as: Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, David and Victoria Beckham, and Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony. And, get this, Oprah apparently didn't get an invite (maybe he broke her couch), but - surprise, surprise! - Brooke Shields (Cruise's postpartum nemesis) did. She reportedly arrived with hubby Chris Henchy.

Everyone seems to be ensconced in a fancy hotel in Rome, where, Thursday night, the happy couple hosted an "intimate" dinner. Even baby Suri was on hand for the festivities (as shown above).

As of this posting, I'm hoping the lovebirds haven't sold the exclusive rights to their wedding photos to oh, say, Vanity Fair or People, because then the rest of us won't get to see anything until they're published.

If the wedding is open for all to see, check back here at 21Q to see Holmes in what is sure to be a fabulous Armani gown! FYI: We hear he's wearing Armani, too.

Jewelry designer Donna Asch (shown left) returns to Sacramento for another of her well-attended trunk shows featuring her Magnetix line.

Asch will be at Serendipity Boutique from noon to 4 p.m. Saturday. The store is at 5362 H St., next to Selland's Market.

I first met Donna about two years ago when she stopped by The Bee to show me her unique collection. She had created the Magnetix magnetic jewelry line after she was forced to streamline her personal stash of jewelry before going on her honeymoon.

The collection features interchangeable magnetic pendants. Each piece is handmade, and there's such a variety of styles. If you're looking for a gift for someone who appreciates interesting pieces, check out the trunk show, meet Donna (who is really, really nice) and take home a treat.

Prices are $30 for a single pendant and also $30 for a starter necklace.

We’ve reached a whole new level of sweeps and rampaging-deer coverage - a story about the high number of deer-related stories.

It’s all so very, very meta. The latest offering was Channel 3’s airing on Thursday's noon news of a “Today” show report called “Deer Gone Wild.” Reporter Kevin Tibbles gave us all the highlights of the past week - the deer in the Target store; the deer with the pumpkin stuck on its head; the deer in the bank.

Plus, he found a few new ones: A deer humping (yes, there’s no other way to describe it) a high school cross-country runner in Bend, Ore. (pun intended); a jealous deer that tore the head off a plastic deer lawn ornament in Wisconsin, and a deer in an unidentified locale taking a dip in a backyard swimming pool. Henry Campa at the University of Michigan was quoted as saying: “This is the breeding season. The bucks, this time of year, have got only one thing on their mind, and it’s not looking for food.”

And, as Tibbles’ voiceover warned: “When bucks and does are looking for love, anyone caught in the middle better watch out.”

Including local TV viewers.

Animals dominated Thursday night’s news coverage, as well. Or, more accurately, human beings behaving like animals. And I’m not just talking about all the stations doing sports features on the barbaric “Ultimate Fighting” event (pictured above right) this weekend at Arco.

No, three of the four stations led the late news with the yahoos waiting in line outside stores for the chance to buy Sony PlayStation 3 (What were you thinking, Channel 13, leading at 10 p.m. with the Stockton toddlers saved from drowning?)

Anyway, News10 showed tape from Milwaukee of a human stampede at a Wal-Mart. And, of course, there was the armed robbery at the Elk Grove GameStop store. Battle pay should go to Fox40’s Nina Melhaf, Channel 3’s Richard Sharp and News10’s Monika Diaz for enduring the assignment.

I was clucking my tongue at these tent-sitters in front of the stores, telling them to get a life (as if TiVoing local news shows all night is such a great life!) until Channel 3 anchor Edie Lambert made a good point: “Well, they are getting paid by the hour.” I did the math: The guy who has spent 96 hours camped out for the PS3 said he figures to get at least $2,500 on eBay for the PS3, so he’s making $26 an hour. Guess that’s justification for living like animals on the hard pavement all week.

Other animal stories:

* Channel 13, at 6 p.m., reported on a cat named Mimi in Brazil that allegedly gave birth to puppies three months after, in the words of Pallas Hupe, of “mating with a dog.” The photo that 13 showed was absolutely freaky. DNA tests are pending.

Quipped weather guesser Dave Bender: “It just goes to show you - Nickelodeon was on the cutting edge because they had a show named ‘Cat Dog.’ ”

* The third story Channel 3 presented at 11 p.m.: A man was arrested for bringing three crocodiles in his carry-on baggage on a flight. Lambert: “They could use more teeth in their security.”

* In the category of lack of animal evolution: Fox40 aired a report about a Nevada town passing a law to outlaw the speaking of a foreign language within city limits. Quote from one Neanderthal resident: "We're in America. We're speakin' American English."

* True crime: Channel 13 reports on robbers in Miami who broke into a pet store and stole Yorkshire terriers.

* Channel 13’s tease for a “special report” to air Monday: “Animal CSI.” (Apparently, airing “Weather CSI” wasn’t enough.)

All this animal coverage makes a guy want to chuck it all and move somewhere obscure to get away from it all - say, Ellsworth, Kan. That was Channel 13’s “special report” last night. So desperate is the town for residents that it is giving away land, paying as much as $3,000 for people with kids to come, and offering a free golf club membership.

Kurtis Ming went and checked it out.

For good or ill, Kurtis came back.

In other non-animal news:

* All the stations had interviews with the family of the Sacramento Marine killed in Iraq. But, it should be noted, Channel 3's late news on Wednesday night was the first to interview the family.

* Channel 3's Dave Walker on a proposal to sell the Golden Gate Bridge for corporate sponsorship: "The Golden Gate brought to you by the Golden Arches."

* And finally, we thought we were going to see some “Ultimate Fighting” on the set of Fox40 Thursday night when sports guy Jim Crandell jokingly chided weather guesser Kristina Werner for her verbal gaffe earlier in the broadcast (Werner: “It’ll be the same, similar - oh, that’s the same word - situation tomorrow....”).

Crandell said the Kings were not the “same similar” team they were the previous night. Werner gave an anguished smile and some sort of a hand gesture before the camera cut to a tight shot of Crandell. Several replays on our TiVo showed that, technically, it wasn’t a vulgar hand gesture, but the viewer could get the meaning.

Frank McCourt is staging nothing short of a media assault on Sacramento.

Tune in to KCTC (1320 AM) today at 4 p.m. Enid Goldstein, the afternoon talk show host, will have the famed author of "Angela's Ashes" in the studio to talk about his new book, "Teacher Man." You also can catch all 20 minutes of his interview with KXJZ (90.9 FM) reporter Donna Apidone on the station's Web site.

The real reason McCourt (pictured left) is in town: He will be at the Crest Theatre at 7:30 tonight as part of the California Lecture Series. KXJZ's Jeffrey Callison, a Scot, will handle the evening interview duties with McCourt, an Irishman. It should be a battle of the endearing, lilting accents with those two.

And, if you didn't catch it, click here to read the great Q&A The Bee's Bruce Dancis had with McCourt.

For shame, for shame. What is the world of accessories coming to when your knockoff handbag costs as much as the real thing?

Last night, Channel 13 reported on its 10 p.m. newscast that Ana Divac, wife of former Kings star Vlade Divac, could be in big trouble for allegedly selling fake Gucci purses at her Pavilions boutique, L'Image.

And here's where the bag burst: The fakes supposedly were being sold at high-end prices. For example, a real Gucci "Penelope" bag (shown left) sells for about $1,550 at Bergdorf Goodman in New York.

I recently did a story on handbags and mentioned that knockoffs are all over the place. And women do buy them, and the designers being knocked off aren't too happy about it. Thing is, the vendors selling the bogus bags aren't asking for a mortgage payment in return for a fake Fendi.

According to the TV report, Gucci filed a civil suit against Ana early last year, telling her, as Channel 13 says, "to knock it off."

The warning must not have sunk in because now, the Sacramento District Attorney's Office is getting involved, which could mean criminal charges. As for Ana, she doesn't even live in the country anymore.

Since it opened about three years ago, L'Image Boutique has stocked its shelves with high-end cosmetics, fragrances and other goodies that customers couldn't find anywhere else in Sacramento. Fancy handbags, including Prada and Fendi, were an added bonus.

But it's no bonus - and certainly no bargain - if your Fendi is a fake and you paid the ultimate price to tote it.

Well, we've reached the halfway point in the local TV news sweeps month, and the only thing keeping your weary and wary correspondent going is Visine and vodka. (See, the local news habit of using alliteration is rubbing off on me).

Several e-mailers have asked how I'm holding up after watching and analyzing five hours of news every day. At the risk of being self-serving (because this blog is not about me, after all), let me sum up the way I feel by quoting a man interviewed on Channel 13 last night.

It was a story about a sea lion in San Francisco's Aquatic Park that has the nasty habit of biting swimmers. An attacked swimmer said: "I don't know what it was. But it felt kind of slimy."

I can relate. I sometimes don't know what I'm watching, but it feels kind of slimy.

That said, there's been a lot of good journalism practiced so far in sweeps month. We just didn't see it last night, when selling sex as news made a comeback.

* Channel 3's "special report" was about "reclaiming your virginity," a movement by some 29-and-under women and men to abstain from sex until marriage.

First, this story was new, say, in the early 1990s, when The Bee first reported on it. Second, Adrienne Bankert's report just scratched the surface of the phenomenon. She quoted a few 20somethings, including one woman who said, "If I'm going to have sex with you, that's your privilege." That's about as deep as it got. A UC Davis professor added little insight into why this supposed trend is taking place.

I don't want to say the report was exploitative, but showing clips of sweaty, skin-revealing young people freak dancing and then talking about abstaining from sex in the voiceover seems a touch cynical.

The only thing new was Paris Hilton's apparent vow not to have sex for a year - yeah, as if we really believe that.

* Speaking of sex, Channel 13 picked up on the bra-that-turns-into-a-tote-bag story that Fox40 aired several nights before - only Channel 13 had lingerie-clad Japanese models showing how it's done.

* Channel 13 tried to titillate viewers with a feature on "the same-sex dance craze sweeping Sacramento."

Yes, gays like to ballroom dance! Who knew?!? Reporter Tony Lopez asked all the probing questions, such as this one to a lesbian couple: "When two women dance, who leads?"

In non-sex-related news:

* Props to all the channels for not going overboard on the sleazy O.J. Simpson "If I Did It" book and interview revelations. Fox is going to air an exclusive interview with Simpson on Nov. 27, and Fox40 (a Fox affiliate, of course, but owned by the Tribune Co.) should be credited for not automatically hyping it. In fact, anchor Thomas Drayton told viewers that the station had yet to decide whether it would air the interview and urged viewers to state their opinion in a Web poll on whether they'd watch. (FYI: 76 percent said they would not watch.)

Drayton: "We will certainly take those numbers into consideration."

* More props to Fox40 for keeping the streak of deer-related stories alive. It aired the deer-in-the-bank piece that Channel 13 "broke" the night before.

* News10 led its 11 p.m. newscast with the debate in Tracy about the University of California's plans to build a biological weapons lab in that town. Anchor Dale Schornack said it was "a story you'll only see on News10."

Uh, no. Channel 3 aired the story near the end of its 6 p.m. newscast.

* But News10 did get a clean scoop over all the other channels in reporting that a Marine from Sacramento had died. News10 reported it at 6 p.m.; the others on the late news.

* Curious (and bad) choice for a lead story on Channel 3 at 11 p.m.: It was about a 76-year-old Citrus Heights woman who was dragged by a purse thief's car in a parking lot. The woman sustained a broken ankle. Reporter Richard Sharp called her "a human speed bump." Niiiicccee. And the story was touted as being "new tonight," but then Sharp told us the incident happened at 9:30 a.m.

* Channel 3 again shamelessly plugged another NBC show, this time "Medium." Yeah, we know why they do it. You tease the report during the actual show in hopes of luring viewers. The station will do it again tonight with "ER." This practice is nothing more than infomercial fodder.

* News10, by the same token, continued to report "Dancing With the Stars" as legitimate news.

* LOL moment of the night: Fox40 quoted Justin Vierra, assistant community director for the city, in a story about the new lofts unveiled at 18th and L streets: "They actually mentioned, specifically, that it looks like Soho, New York."

Uh huh. Sure.

* Channel 13 gets TV's scoop on bounty hunter Leonard Padilla getting robbed and then hunting down the miscreants himself to recover his impressive cache of guns and knives. Highlight: Reporter Rafer Weigel toting Padilla's sawed-off shotgun.

*And now, to blatantly steal from Jon Stewart, here's your moment of zen, courtesy of Channel 13's Japanese tsunami coverage:

Weather guesser Dave Bender: "We could have them here...Well, not here in Sacramento. If we did, I'd tell you about it."

Anchor Sam Shane: "We'd lead the newscast with it."

As I had mentioned in Tuesday's Coming Distractions column, the True Love Coffeehouse returns today! In fact, festivities commenced just minutes ago. I, for one, am super-duper excited that owners Kevin and Allyson Seconds have resurrected their popular cafe.

As you may recall, the old TLC shut down about two years ago after the Seconds lost the lease on the building.

Now, they're in a new locale just around the corner, at 2315 K St. Doors opened at 5, with an art show featuring works by Kep from the Groovie Ghoulies, and live music with Anton Barbeau and Bobby Jordan.

Getting the True Love back - finally - brings back a lot of wonderful memories of the old digs (pictured in a shot by The Bee's Hector Amezcua). There's the time that Allyson threw Kevin a big birthday bash and the whole cafe surprised him with a cake and a rowdy round of "Happy Birthday." That was right after the cafe opened in 2001 and I think everyone was still really giddy about the place, with its couches, tiny wood tables, artwork and games - a real home away from home.

Then, that first summer, it seemed like I spent every other waking hour there. The back patio was the perfect place to enjoy an iced coffee and the cool Delta breeze. Sometimes I'd just order a small salad and sit on the couch in the front of the cafe and people watch.

Of course, there were always great music shows, too, including the weekend "waffle