Family

Carolyn Hax

DEAR CAROLYN: I am a bridesmaid in my cousin’s wedding on July 4. Because of the date, save-the-date cards were mailed out a year and a half in advance. My boyfriend has known about the wedding since the card was received.

His parents just informed him they plan to visit over that weekend. They visit a few times a year, stay in a hotel and mostly do their own thing, but they’ll meet up for dinner, a show, lunch, etc. This weekend happens to be an exception, as they bought tickets to a baseball game for the four of us that weren’t exactly cheap.

It’s obviously out of the question for me. My boyfriend wants to go, which would mean he wouldn’t go to the wedding.

Should I just tell him to go to the game and have fun? Am I being selfish for wanting him to come to the wedding with me? I don’t know if I should RSVP for one or two.

G.

DEAR G.: The right response to his parents was, “Sorry, Mom and Dad, G. and I will be at a wedding the weekend of the Fourth.” They can resell the extra two tickets online or at the stadium that day, with any money they lose serving as an appropriate consequence of not checking with you first.

Your boyfriend could have told his parents he needed to talk to you before committing to the game, then said to you that he’d still go to the wedding, of course, if it was important to you, no pouting, but if it wasn’t a big deal then he’d rather go to a ballgame.

It’s important for you not to say, “OK, go to the game and have fun,” just because that feels like the cool-girlfriend thing to do. Hiding how you feel is how love dies. Think he backed the wrong horse? Then say so. A grown-up won’t make you pay.

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com or follow her at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax.

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