DEAR KELLY: What if you are in high school and you think you let “the one” get away? I know people think I’m too young to meet the one, but my sister met her husband in high school and they are the happiest couple I know, so it can happen.
I had the best boyfriend. He was nice, thoughtful, patient, kind, never jealous, loved all my friends, came from a great family, super smart, amazing musician, unbelievable writer, and the list could go on. He was always putting notes on my car at school telling me how beautiful I was, sending me sweet texts that said how lucky he was to have me as his girlfriend and bringing me things like my favorite doughnut or smoothie. He honestly treated me like a princess, and I blew it.
There was a guy in a class who was kind of a bad boy. He started to flirt with me and I liked it. We started Snapchatting each other. It seemed fun, so I told my boyfriend I was bored in our relationship and that I just wanted to be friends with him so I could talk with the other guy and see where it went. Turns out the other guy just wanted to have sex with me and he wasn’t as wonderful as I thought. Once I realized it and came to my senses, my ex doesn’t have any interest in getting back together with me. I have heard he is kind of seeing another girl who was a friend of his, but they have not posted anything official so I am not really sure if he is in a relationship or not.
I asked if we could talk and he said yes but that he had no interest in getting back together. I apologized and told him that I regretted everything I said or did and that I would wait forever for him to take me back. He thanked me for saying sorry and said that he will be friends with me, but there won’t be a “we” and he no longer feels the same way (not sure I totally believe this). He told me his family would not let him get back together with me because they saw how hurt he got. I was so sad that his family no longer likes me.
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Please tell me how I can get him back and make things good with his family again. I want nothing more than to get back together. Please help me get this boy back because I know I will never find another guy like him. He’s truly my first true love.
Biggest Mistake Ever
DEAR MISTAKE: You made a mistake. This makes you human and normal. Please cut yourself some grace for being a teenager and doing what teenagers do, which is exploring different relationships in high school so you can learn important lessons (case in point) that will help you later in life. Do not kick yourself for what happened; learn from it.
You broke up with your ex for a reason. You felt bored and wanted to explore other fish in the sea. Just because the other fish turned out to be a bottom feeder does not mean you need to run back to the other guy and jump right back into your old relationship. He doesn’t deserve to be the rebound from a bad cast.
He has given you a very firm answer and you aren’t listening. He moved on. He wants to be friends but the romantic interest is no longer there. He didn’t open the door to starting the relationship again. On the contrary, he listened to you and thanked you for being honest with him. Then he was honest back and told you that there is no “we” in the future. Let it go and move on.
Sometimes you have to accept that what you want and what you get are different. You want him back, but that may not happen. This does not mean you will not ever find true love or feel the same way about another guy again; it just means it may not be with your first love.
Let’s look at what you learned: It’s nice to be treated with respect and kindness. Good guys are gems. Being bored in a relationship does not always mean it is time to jump ship searching for excitement. Losing someone you care for it hard. It is difficult for family members to forgive when they see someone they love being hurt. Genuinely apologizing is the right thing to do, even if it does not bring the results you want. Loving someone means appreciating them for all the little things they do to make you feel special. Appreciation is the basis for any relationship. Relationships are hard work.
Change your perspective. Instead of seeing what you lost, see what you gained. You learned powerful life lessons that will help you grow, mature and appreciate other relationships. You are walking away from this relationship a better person.