Jack Ohman

Koons’ object is shiny, colorful and out of place

Oh, I know. I am supposed to be knocked out by the Jeff Koons sculpture in front of the Golden 1 Center.

I am not.

It is, indeed, very shiny and colorful. Like a fishing lure that looks good in the box but never seems to catch anything.

Some people I like and respect have said nice things about it. One of my friends even copied me on his Facebook post about it, knowing that I am not that into it.

I know this is heresy, apostasy, and maybe even treasonous, but I still don’t care for it. Nor do I care for the design of the Golden 1 arena. They don’t go with the downtown design concept.

I am not sure exactly what would go with the downtown design concept. Having lived here for close to four years now, I get that we needed a new arena. I proposed a design that was a little more low-key, like Sacramento itself.

When I first saw the arena design, I thought it looked like a Jiffy Pop popcorn aluminum foil pan, or the alien spacecraft from “Close Encounters of the Third Kind.”

I also was critical of the Koons sculpture. It looks like a $14.95 pair of sale earrings from Macy’s dangling in front of the Jiffy Pop Popcorn-Alien Spacecraft-Also Very Shiny Golden 1 Center.

Or a pile of tasty Gummi Bears. No, scratch that. It looks like a Cessna full of Jolly Ranchers crashed downtown.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love Gummi Bears. I love Jolly Ranchers. I love Cessnas. But this, this, what? Object. This Object Made of Very Pretty Glass isn’t anything I want to look at. But I have to. You have to. Civic pride demands it.

We are expected to ooh and ahh over it, because Jeff Koons©, a Famous Artist (marketer) blessed us with the opportunity to purchase it for $8 million.

I can think of several local artists who could have done something magnificent with that money. I’d name them, but it’s too late now, for the Great and Mystical Jeff Koons©, has given us this, this, Object. All hail.

I am not sour-graping this. I will look at it and say, “Wow, that’s a lot of colorful glass that certainly provides an accent in front of the Alien Spacecraft Hovering over Devil’s Tower, Wyoming, in ‘Close Encounters of the Third Kind’ As Well As Jiffy Pop Golden 1 Center.”

Pass the Gummi Bears, the Jolly Ranchers and the Jiffy Pop. I’ll get used to it. But I guess I can kiss my complimentary McCartney tickets goodbye.