Now that the Tweeter-in-Chief has been elected, they gave him his Android back. President-elect Donald Trump hasn’t tweeted much. Sometimes it seems like Kellyanne Conway wrestles it away and then he seizes it again, as if to say “Stop me before I use 140 characters again.” Sad!
But, we have obtained The First Tweetster’s unsent twitterings, courtesy of Wikileaks and Vladimir Putin.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. This was supposed to be an informercial that ended in Oct. 2015 #HowAmIcarryingMichigan?
WOW! I’m even carrying Pennsylvania, home of my very, very good education #WhartonPride
Will smite thine enemies with the jawbone of ... (SEIZED ANDROID – KELLYANNE) #EverybodyChill
Got nice phone call from #CrookedHillary. May send her to minimum security prison #Compassion
Got nice phone call from @BILLCLINTON and he offered to serve in any capacity #DeputyAdministratorU.S.Fish&GameCommission
@POTUS called to set up meeting at White House. Very good talk. #Won’tBringupKenyaAsaCourtesy
@NOTMYPRESIDENT PROTESTERS paid Soros agents (ME AGAIN – KELLYANNE! HI!)
Whoa. Realized I had to form a government after chat with @POTUS. 4000 jobs, #SendResumesFast
Day off. Helped @IVANKATRUMP with WH jewelry business plan. Jared keeps wanting to see The Button #BannonSeemsCalmInComparison
@RUDYGIULIANI gnawing on my leg again. Told him to try Trump steak instead #MakingMoneyonthisDealAlready
@POTUS gracious, which shocked me. Was pleasant and showed me Oval Office! #NeedsMoreGoldleaf #TooSmall #BarronPlayroom?
@STEVEBANNON came in with new plans for detention camps for MSM. Asked him to spare NYT otherwise no one to blame #subscribenow
@FLOTUS met with @MELANIATRUMP and was nice to her. Said she had to get me off KFC #Nagnagnag
Met with @SPEAKERRYAN and @SENMCCONNELL. Really nice guys! Said they’ll be in touch with my legislative agenda #CanHardlyWaitToReadIt
@POTUS security briefing scared the hell out of me. Want to quit already. @MIKEPENCE fine with that #ThePlanAllAlong
@TRUMPTRANSITION not in disarray! @MIKEPENCE says all OK, will handle #MaybeICanGolfAfterAll
LOCK UP NYT PUBLISHER! DISHONEST! (HEY GUYS, KELLYANNE! NO WORRIES!) #GetDJTonInstagram?
Floated @RUDYGIULIANI for Sec. of State with @STEVEBANNON and got nixed! Wants @DAVIDDUKE #NeverHeardoftheGuy
Called #CrookedHillary and offered her Sec. of State. She said she’d think about it during her long-planned Canadian vacation #SoundsLikeMoreFunThanThisGig
Named part of national security team @GENFLYNN. He kept yelling about fluoridation and precious bodily fluids #Dr.StrangeloveFaveFlick
Named @SENSESSIONS as AG since @RUDYGIULIANI still chewing my leg. Assault? Will ask SS detail #WhatBigTeethYouHave