Jack Ohman

Leaked tweets reveal transition twitterings

Now that the Tweeter-in-Chief has been elected, they gave him his Android back. President-elect Donald Trump hasn’t tweeted much. Sometimes it seems like Kellyanne Conway wrestles it away and then he seizes it again, as if to say “Stop me before I use 140 characters again.” Sad!

But, we have obtained The First Tweetster’s unsent twitterings, courtesy of Wikileaks and Vladimir Putin.

Nov. 8:

This wasn’t supposed to happen. This was supposed to be an informercial that ended in Oct. 2015 #HowAmIcarryingMichigan?

WOW! I’m even carrying Pennsylvania, home of my very, very good education #WhartonPride

Nov. 9:

Will smite thine enemies with the jawbone of ... (SEIZED ANDROID – KELLYANNE) #EverybodyChill

Got nice phone call from #CrookedHillary. May send her to minimum security prison #Compassion

Got nice phone call from @BILLCLINTON and he offered to serve in any capacity #DeputyAdministratorU.S.Fish&GameCommission

Nov. 10:

@POTUS called to set up meeting at White House. Very good talk. #Won’tBringupKenyaAsaCourtesy

@NOTMYPRESIDENT PROTESTERS paid Soros agents (ME AGAIN – KELLYANNE! HI!)

Nov. 11:

Whoa. Realized I had to form a government after chat with @POTUS. 4000 jobs, #SendResumesFast

Nov. 12:

Day off. Helped @IVANKATRUMP with WH jewelry business plan. Jared keeps wanting to see The Button #BannonSeemsCalmInComparison

Nov. 13:

@RUDYGIULIANI gnawing on my leg again. Told him to try Trump steak instead #MakingMoneyonthisDealAlready

Nov. 14:

@POTUS gracious, which shocked me. Was pleasant and showed me Oval Office! #NeedsMoreGoldleaf #TooSmall #BarronPlayroom?

@STEVEBANNON came in with new plans for detention camps for MSM. Asked him to spare NYT otherwise no one to blame #subscribenow

@FLOTUS met with @MELANIATRUMP and was nice to her. Said she had to get me off KFC #Nagnagnag

Met with @SPEAKERRYAN and @SENMCCONNELL. Really nice guys! Said they’ll be in touch with my legislative agenda #CanHardlyWaitToReadIt

Nov. 15:

@POTUS security briefing scared the hell out of me. Want to quit already. @MIKEPENCE fine with that #ThePlanAllAlong

Nov. 16:

@TRUMPTRANSITION not in disarray! @MIKEPENCE says all OK, will handle #MaybeICanGolfAfterAll

Nov. 17:

LOCK UP NYT PUBLISHER! DISHONEST! (HEY GUYS, KELLYANNE! NO WORRIES!) #GetDJTonInstagram?

Floated @RUDYGIULIANI for Sec. of State with @STEVEBANNON and got nixed! Wants @DAVIDDUKE #NeverHeardoftheGuy

Nov. 18:

Called #CrookedHillary and offered her Sec. of State. She said she’d think about it during her long-planned Canadian vacation #SoundsLikeMoreFunThanThisGig

Nov. 19:

Named part of national security team @GENFLYNN. He kept yelling about fluoridation and precious bodily fluids #Dr.StrangeloveFaveFlick

Named @SENSESSIONS as AG since @RUDYGIULIANI still chewing my leg. Assault? Will ask SS detail #WhatBigTeethYouHave

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