Jack Ohman

Dear Ask a Middle Aged Cartoon Man about California Politics...

Dear Ask a Middle Aged Cartoon Man: 

Our governor just returned from China. What do you think he accomplished?

--Let One Hundred Flowers Bloom in South Placer

Dear Southie: Our governor accomplished quite a number of things. First, he got through all those dreadful banquets without a scratch. Normally, middle aged cartoonists have a great deal of digestive trouble with all that fried duck and MSG, so we sympathized with his plight. I know, I know, to you a ten day Free Lunch At The World's Best Chinese Restaurant sounds like a day at China Beach, but to the Guv, it was pure torture. He acquitted himself well, except for forgetting about human rights and saying all he cared about was greenbacks. Perhaps a lobbyist was accidentally quoted. 

Dear Ask a Middle Aged Cartoon Man: 

What do you think is going to happen with the Kings?

--Natomas Nast

Dear Nasty: Well, I think that David Stern hates the Maloof Boyz so very much that he's bent over backwards to show the hole card to Mayor K.J. and his crew. I don't like to call this rigged, exactly, but as a middle-aged cartoonist with three kids in college, I am always open to a Little Help, particularly with the Benjamins. Someone is going to make money on this deal, and it ain't gonna be you, unless you own some parking lots I don't know about. Surprise. But, you'll get to keep your team and you can back to your regularly scheduled complaining for an outfit that plays .341 ball.

Dear Ask a Middle Aged Cartoon Man: 

What did Gavin Newsom, the man who I understand is currently the Lt. Governor of California, do as Acting Governor while Gov. Brown was away?

--PlumpJack Flash, Yuba City

Dear Plump: Under California law, the Lt. Gavinor is Acting Governor. Now, California has had Acting Governors before (Ronnie and Arnie), but usually the Number 2 has to sit quietly and not do Crazy Things. This was most unlike former Lt. Governor Mike Curb, who had the disquieting hobby of actually trying to run the state while then-Gov. Brown was away way back in the 1970s. We hear that LTGGN was doing what he usually does as Lt. Governor: "look beautiful," which is the job description language currently in the California State Constitution.

Dear Ask a Middle Aged Cartoon Man:

Can you tell me what the deal is with the Bay Delta Conservation Plan, CalPERS, and high speed light rail?  And what about all that tunnel muck? How much will it cost?

--Del Tasmelt, Sacramento

Dear Del: According to my sources, who are very, very tipsy, the latest proposal calls for the high-speed rail line to run inside the tunnel, and scientists at Cal Poly have devised an engine to burn tunnel muck, saving trillions of dollars to be directly funneled into state employee pensions. 

Thanks for writing! 

Do you have a question for Ask the Middle Aged Cartoon Man? Send them to johman@sacbee.com.