Jack Ohman

My official position on the Delta Breeze...

I was talking to my editor yesterday, who holds a masters degree from the Prestigious (c) Columbia School of Journalism. Since I only hold a bachelor's degree, and since he can fire me, I always listen to what he says. Plus, he's bigger than I am.

"You should do a cartoon about the Delta Breeze," he said, matter-of-factly, in the way that people I know with masters degrees from prestigious academic institutions do. I have not mastered, if you will, this skill, although I was raised by a father with a Ph.D (in science!), who would often back up his demands or assertions with the observation, "I'm a Ph.D, you know."

At the time he would say this, I had a degree from the Prestigious (c) Kathryn D. Markley Elementary School in East Whiteland Township, Pennsylvania, so I had no real comeback.

Anyway, the Delta Breeze.

When I told people I would be coming down to Sacramento, some people in Oregon (average daytime summer temperature: 41 degrees, with rain chill factor--something I just made up) warned me that it would be hotter than hell here, and I would be fused to my black leather car seat like a cold steak on a hot griddle ( simile I just made up ). With the exception of the July 4th weekend, when it was, in fact, hotter than hell to the point where my aluminum car engine just turned into mercury (replacement cost: $7,000), it's been really nice.

And this Delta Breeze everyone has been telling me about has indeed occurred, and it is beautiful. Last night, for example, it was so Delta Breezy that there were small whitecaps on my Vodka Cranberry cocktail, which kind of took the fun out of it. The little umbrella kept blowing off. I'm all about presentation.

So in considering what kind of statement I would make in cartoon form about the Delta Breeze, I always ponder the public policy implications of any statement I would make. Would I come out in favor of the Delta Breeze? Would I take a moderate position? Or would I blast the Delta Breeze as yet another example of Big Weather trying to take over our lives?

After a bit more conversation about the Delta Breeze and its possible ramifications for the 2014 California gubernatorial contest, the Kings' new arena plans, and how it would affect Gavin Newsom's fabulous hairstyle (I can't tell if it never moves or would become a complete disaster--write in with your opinion below), my editor and I decided it would be a very problematic art conundrum. How do you draw a breeze?

I suggested that not even Gregory Kondos, the brilliant and revered Sacramento landscape artist, could draw a breeze, and, as my editor pointed out, breezes are, in fact, invisible.

So I won't be commenting on the Delta Breeze tomorrow, unless it gets really bad, and my cocktail umbrella goes into the next yard. Wait! There's an idea! I can draw a cocktail umbrella flying through the air to illustrate it! 

Cartooning is a breeze.