Jack Ohman

Gored out of my mind...

I got quite a bit of anti-Al Gore blowback from my Editorial Notebook today, and the mail had virtually identical threads:

1. Al Gore is making money from climate change.

2. Climate change (or global warming) is a crock.

3. Al Gore has a huge carbon footprint.

4. Get over the 2000 election.

5. You’re an idiot.

OK. Let’s take these one at a time, for fun.

•  Al Gore is making money from climate change. Sure he is. So are a lot of people. Some people are making astronomical amounts of money from climate change. More people are making exponentially more money from avoiding climate change, and so what? It’s a free market economy. You know, it’s OK to make money, even for Democrats.

•  Climate change (or global warming) is a crock. Tell you what. Call up Gov. Chris Christie. He’s in Trenton, N.J., and his office number is (609) 292 6000. Identify yourself, politely, and say, “Hello, Governor. I believe climate change to be a crock.” Then hold the phone about three feet from your ear while you hear A) all about Hurricane Sandy and B) some really awesome Jersey invective. Now, remember, Gov. Christie is a Republican, and you need to hear it from him.

•  Al Gore has a huge carbon footprint. Yes, he does. And so do I. And so do you. And so does every living human in the world. As a friend noted today, it’s not so much reducing individual carbon footprints but societies collectively acting in concert to do so. It’s like forming a pool to achieve a mutually beneficial goal, such as saving lives. You know, like the communistic health insurance companies do. Like any well-intentioned pursuit, like being a vegan or a cartoonist, there are all manner of little glitches along the path to enlightenment. If you want to reduce your carbon footprint in a meaningful way, die. If you don’t want to do that, would it hurt to figure out a way to have cars that get more than 20 mpg?

•  Get over the 2000 election. Well, I have, and so has Gore, but it’s a bit difficult not to go there once in awhile. I guess I also think about the Pittsburgh Steelers-Seattle Seahawks 2006 Super Bowl XL where the officiating, shall we say, was Not Very Competent. Do I lose sleep now? Not really. Gore said something very eloquent the other night. When asked about the 2000 election and Florida, he did a very human thing: he made a joke and pretended to cry. It was really very amusing. The second thing he did was say that the rule of law’s final stop was the Supreme Court, and the next alternative was armed insurrection in the streets. So he said he decided to respect the rule of law. You know, like all the GOP congressmen did after Obamacare passed. Right? In addition, I also mull over the 1876 election, and I’m still a little upset about Tilden.

•  You’re an idiot. Not technically.