DEAR KELLY: Recently my friends and I were going out and there was like four cars and we were going to follow each other and hang out. We all met before for food and then we were going to all ride together. Me and one of the guys had a thing kinda so I assumed I would be in his car. But when we went to get in he told me his car was full and there was no room for me and I had to ride in another car.
Turned out his best friend had his girlfriend bring her friend so the four of them could hang out and put the guy I like in a awkward position. So I rode with another one of our friends and I texted him that he was so rude to me because he couldn’t even make room for me and I thought he liked me. His best friend grabbed him phone and texted me to chill out, grow up and to stop texting them. They ended up ditching everyone and they went out by themselves all night.
At one point someone snapped a picture of the four of them at Heaven so I knew that they were there and I got so upset and mad. I called him like 20 times and he never answered. At that point I was so pissed so I started flirting with another guy in our group and posted a picture collage of me and him cuddling and kissing in the back of our friends car and said “fresh and new.” The guy I had a thing with started blowing up my phone, calling me a slut, telling me that I cheated on him, said that he didn’t do anything with the other girl, and that I ruined whatever we had and he was done with me because I was trash. I didn’t answer him all night and he says I’m the one who is wrong and bad and doesn’t think he did anything wrong.
I regretted what I did the next day but now I don’t know what to do. I like him and when we aren’t with other people we do good together. We are kinda talking again but my friends think I’m stupid for giving him another chance and he said his friends think he’s dumb for giving me another chance. Do we even have a chance? Am I wrong to see if this can go somewhere?
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DEAR SOPHIA: Your letter doesn’t surprise me. Teenage relationships are drama. And couples seem to make up and break up all the time. But what concerns me most from your whole letter is that he called you a slut and trash. Those words are mean and derogatory. It’s unacceptable and disrespectful. Calling someone a name is shaming. If this is how he treats people he cares about, you need to walk away from this “thing” and not look back.
Do you really want to invest in this relationship? His friends don’t support you (his best friend made that obvious) and your friends don’t want you to put yourself in the place to be hurt again. Add to that the fact that he couldn’t speak up to his best friend and let you ride in the car, he let his friend be rude and tell you to stop texting them and then he called you a slut and trash. Please explain to me again why you would want to “go somewhere” with someone who treats you like this? Yes drama is normal but meanness should never be tolerated.
What part of this do you own? You might want to work on your reaction to being angry. Hooking up with someone and posting pictures in the spirit of revenge is not smart. Not only did you use the other guy but you came across as spiteful and vindictive. Did you have a right to be hurt? Absolutely, but that doesn’t warrant grabbing the nearest boy and making out with him. Slow down and think about your reaction. Show more self respect and handle things differently the next time you get upset. Use your words, not vengeful actions, to let someone know they hurt or disappointed you. An eye for an eye makes the world blind and nothing gets resolved.
Healthy relationships don’t hurt or disrespect each other and most importantly they aren’t mean and shaming. Think twice before moving forward with this guy. He doesn’t sound like boyfriend material or someone you should invest your time or energy with. And to be honest, you don’t sound ready to be in a relationship either. Be single. Surround yourself with friends who love you and treat you with kindness. Say no to more drama. Don’t consider a relationship until you have better control of your emotions or reactions and until you find someone who treats you with the respect that you deserve.