‘Is it okay if we hug?’ Here’s a guide for dating during the coronavirus pandemic

At the end of a socially distanced date with a guy she’d met on Hinge, Maddy Pach was unsure about the protocol for saying goodbye. They both wanted to hug, like you often would on a first date, but most norms don’t carry over during a global pandemic.

This was uncharted territory.

“We kind of looked at each other and decided, like, ‘Is it okay if we hug? Should we look the other way?’” Pach said. They ultimately did a “loose one-arm, heads turned away from each other, pat on the back.”

She laughed: “It was weird.”

Pach isn’t the only one who’s been swiping through dating apps. Online platforms like Tinder and Bumble say they’ve experienced a surge in activity since the pandemic started.

There’s a temptation to return to normalcy as California’s bars and theaters reopen — typical venues in the course of normal dating.

But public health officials have warned that too much time with a potential significant other could pose a higher risk for contracting coronavirus, which easily spreads through kissing, hugging, and other types of close contact.

As a result, people have been forced to change how they go about dating. The end of Pach’s date wasn’t the only part that differed from pre-coronavirus times: She and her Hinge match texted for a month before meeting up, even though she’d usually want to test an in-person connection with someone after a week or so.

When the date night arrived, she felt like she already had a “pretty good base understanding of what he was going to be like.”

Hence, a quarantine dating lesson. Pach said she’s learned that “it’s okay to get to know someone a little bit better, like over text, before just meeting up with them.” She wouldn’t necessarily want to wait a month, but there’s “something to be said” about not being able to immediately enjoy a physical relationship.

According to Tinder, Pach’s experience aligns with global trends. Daily conversations have increased by 20 percent, and those interactions are 25 percent longer than they used to be.

But when texting inevitably fatigue sets in, Astin Williams, Sacramento State’s healthy relationships health educator, says that in-real-life date nights can still happen — with caution.

Personal boundaries are important, she wrote in a set of guidelines. So is communication. And dates should be spaced out to limit exposure to the virus: Williams suggested one or two meet-ups per week.

She recommended outdoor activities, like biking, fishing and roller skating.

“The warm Sacramento summer is coming! It’s the perfect time to spend time outdoors,” she wrote.

Williams also suggested that couples get tested together — a “sure enough way,” she wrote, “to know if you are COVID free, and know if (your) potential partner is too.” Sacramento County has several free walk-up testing sites, and Cal Expo features a “less invasive” testing method by appointment only.

Online dating platforms have made accommodations for matchmaking in the time of pandemic, too. Officials at Hinge said that its developers are working to introduce video capability to the app this summer; on Bumble, users can even add a badge to their profile that signals what kind of dates they’re comfortable with: virtual, socially distanced, or socially distanced with a mask.

“Please remember that while California is opening back up, the virus is still prevalent in our communities,” Williams wrote. “Just because you may not get sick, doesn’t mean that others aren’t at risk. Have fun while still taking precaution.”