Pope Francis’ defensive hand slaps set a good example for the world to follow

Was an apology owed after Pope Francis irritably slapped away the hand of a woman who had grabbed him in an apparent ecstasy of religious fervor? Absolutely. And I’m still waiting for it.

The pope, of course, apologized the next day in a gentle comment about love and patience. He continued on to say, “Every form of violence inflicted upon a woman is a blasphemy against God.”

But so far I haven’t seen an apology from the person who actually should be delivering one – the woman who yanked the arm of the elderly pope so hard it looked like she might pull it from its socket. And then, despite the apparent pain she was causing him, not to mention his clear emotional discomfort, she didn’t let go.

The more useful message the public should take from this little brouhaha isn’t regret, though. It’s self-protection. People have no right to grab, yank, physically interfere with or repeatedly touch others without their permission. People do have a right to defend themselves from such behavior, and they should use it.

In case you haven’t been following the “apologize or not?” story, the contentious though seconds-long interaction occurred New Year’s Eve after vespers, as the pope briefly clasped the hands of children and some adults who waited behind a barrier in St. Peters Square.

One woman at the front appeared fervently to want her moment with the pontiff. She crossed herself and clasped her hands as he drew closer, though he apparently didn’t notice her. He finished with his greetings and turned away just before reaching her. She grasped his hand as he began walking away, yanking on it so that he was pulled back around. He grimaced in what appeared to be pain as she repeatedly pumped his arm. An irritated look crossed his face as he smacked her hands a couple of times before he broke free.

It’s understandable that the pope felt he should apologize, yet I wish he hadn’t. He actually was acting appropriately by trying to get this woman off of him, and as such he could have served as a model for how to respond to people who touch and grab inappropriately. People can and should react negatively, immediately and strongly to unwanted physical interaction, especially when it’s as aggressive as this. They should send a clear message to the other person that this is unacceptable.

And as correct as the pope was about violence toward women (too bad he doesn’t seem to realize that refusing women the right to terminate an unwanted pregnancy is another form of physical violence against them), this isn’t just a women’s issue. The important point here is that everyone has a right to self-protection. When a woman who clearly should let go of your hand instead holds tight and shakes your arm up and down against your will, you can and should do what it takes to break her hold.

The irony of the lesson should be lost on no one. If the children victimized by Roman Catholic priests had known to react immediately, fiercely and publicly to unwanted touching, without fear of shame and without regard for social niceties, the church predator scandal might have been caught and ended earlier with far fewer victims.

I’m reminded of the college students who have filed complaints of sexual assault, often saying they felt frozen, unable to yell, reprimand or otherwise react when they were subjected to unwanted sexual contact. Outsiders wonder how that can be true. Certainly, if there is one time for manners to be set aside, it’s when someone invades our sense of personal safety.

Of course, it’s important to teach men – the accused are generally men – to know when to keep their hands to themselves. But this is a two-way interaction. We have done a poor job of empowering young women if their first reaction is to stay silent and fear being rude rather than to protect themselves boldly.

The same was true within the #MeToo movement. Out of fear, too many people put up with unwanted touching in the workplace. Only after a few brave souls starting speaking out did an entire group of people find their voice.

For all his power, the pope’s behavior is restricted in many ways. He feels a strong obligation to send a message of love and patience, and he has extra obligations to his flock. But there are times when love and patience are the wrong reactions. Pope Francis might not be able to say that, but we can teach ourselves, and younger generations, to say it – and say it loud.

This story was originally published January 9, 2020 at 5:00 AM.