‘What is REAL?’: Lessons from ‘The Velveteen Rabbit’ on being our authentic selves | Opinion

“‘What is REAL?’ asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender … ‘Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?’

‘Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’”

This is a conversation between two stuffed toys: the Skin Horse, who is very old and worn, and the Velveteen Rabbit, who is brand new and very beautiful. The poignant words of this quote — which come from the book The Velveteen Rabbit, written by Margery Williams and intriguingly illustrated by William Nicholson many generations ago — matter to me. Like many other words ostensibly crafted for children, they contain great wisdom for anyone willing to entertain that possibility.

With the proliferation of artificial intelligence, we are asking the Rabbit’s question in a new and more profound way: “What is real?”

I agree with the Skin Horse. That which is Real involves the heart. The things that matter demand time, effort, struggle and, sometimes, they require us to suffer. “Real” requires work, and more than a few tears.

Beyond the struggle, though, lies something that cannot be artificially created. As the Skin Horse goes on to say to the Rabbit, “It doesn’t happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept.”

If we are willing to engage our hearts and make ourselves capable of love — and, more particularly, deserving of the love of a child — then beyond the struggle lies something of great value, something that cannot be simulated.

Beyond the struggle lies our unique contribution: An idea, a way of living our own personal, unvarnished passion. We can be a positive presence that nourishes in a world that so often depletes. The question is whether we decide to be real. Can we put away sharp edges and the need to be carefully kept?

What I have found is that there is great freedom in the willingness to be real, to put one’s heart on the line and, yes, even to feel disappointment and great hurt sometimes. Why? Because the journey toward real and the joy of embracing the authentic person we were created to be far outweighs all the cost and effort expended in the pursuit of our true selves.

In a world of algorithms, cyborgs and influencers, we each still have ultimate control over how we choose to live in a world filled with the artificial, the temporal and the momentary. We can decide to be real.

But there is a price to be paid.

As the Skin Horse says, “Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.”

“‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.

‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’”

I know it’s true. I’ve lived it. Hair loved off? Yes. Loose in the joints? Yeah. Shabby? Yep. Hurt? That, too.

“The Rabbit sighed … He longed to become Real … and yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad. He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him.”

In my own experience, there are no shortcuts.

But, according to the Skin Horse, “these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

Then, he goes on to say that we have something marvelous to look forward to: “...once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

Sounds a lot like heaven.

This story was originally published April 13, 2024 at 6:00 AM with the headline "‘What is REAL?’: Lessons from ‘The Velveteen Rabbit’ on being our authentic selves | Opinion."