College-bound students need to hear the truth about campus sexual assault | Opinion

Last spring, I stood before my daughter and some of her classmates — bright, college-bound young women preparing to leave for campuses throughout Missouri and across the nation. I wasn’t there to celebrate their next chapter. I was there to warn them.

In my last class of the semester, I give my seniors advice for college: Go to class; be open to new people and experiences; get involved — the usual stuff. I also tell them the truth that I wish they didn’t need to hear: Sexual assault is a real and present danger on college campuses.

This is not an abstract lecture. Before becoming a teacher at an all-girls Catholic high school in the St. Louis area, I spent three decades in higher education administration, including years where I served on panels charged with sanctioning students found responsible for sexual assault. I’ve reviewed reports filled with confusion, regret and pain. And what I saw were patterns that are both common and poorly understood.

The vast majority of sexual assaults on campus are not committed by strangers. Most occur between acquaintances — classmates, friends, even romantic interests. These incidents often begin at a party, in a dorm room or a crowded social event. They involve alcohol. And many include some degree of consensual behavior — kissing, dancing, flirting — before something changes.

Too often, students don’t understand where the line is until they’ve crossed it. That line is consent — and by law, someone under the influence of alcohol, particularly to the point of impairment, cannot legally give it. What may have felt ambiguous in the moment can later, in the harsh light of day, meet the legal and disciplinary definition of sexual assault.

These are the kinds of cases I reviewed during my time in higher education. They were difficult, emotional, and legally complex. But one fact remained consistent: The trauma of assault is devastating, and the consequences — legal, academic and personal — are lifelong.

That’s why I spoke to my daughter’s class. Not to frighten them — but to prepare them. Here is what I told them:

• Know your limits. Alcohol clouds judgment. Know how much you can handle and don’t push past it. Realize hard alcohol is very hard to calibrate. If you haven’t started drinking yet, first semester of college is not the time to start. 
• Watch your drink. Don’t accept drinks from strangers. Don’t leave your drink unattended. Spiking — whether with drugs or excess alcohol — is real and dangerous. No one knows what is in that punch.
• Stick with friends you trust. Have a plan. Check in on each other. Leave together. Be like the Marines: No one gets left behind.
• Have an exit strategy. Carry cash or keep a ride-hailing app ready. Don’t rely on someone you just met. 
• Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it probably is. Don’t be afraid to leave, no matter the social pressure.
• You can say no. At any time, regardless of what’s already happened.

Clear, mutual consent

I’ve also spoken to young men, my two sons included, because they need this education just as much. We talked about respecting women. I have told them that consent must be expressed, mutual and ongoing. Silence is not the same as saying yes. And a person who is intoxicated, asleep or afraid cannot consent.

I tell them:

• Prioritize mutual respect and communication. Listen attentively to what your partner expresses, both verbally and nonverbally.
• Be a responsible bystander. If you witness a situation that seems unsafe or potentially harmful, intervene safely. This could involve directly addressing the situation, distracting those involved, or seeking help from friends, campus security, or other authorities. 
• Think about what it means to be a responsible, adult man. College can be a time to develop healthy expressions of masculinity. Challenge harmful stereotypes and contribute to a culture of respect and empathy. 

These conversations aren’t easy. But they’re essential. According to national data, more than 50% of sexual assaults on campus happen in the “red zone,” the first few months of the fall semester. That means the time to talk is now — before the bags are packed, before orientation, before the first party.

I don’t want to send my daughter to college with fear. I want to send her with clarity, strength, and a plan. She and all other students deserve that.

If we want to protect our kids, we must stop treating this subject as taboo. Let’s replace silence with honesty. Let’s teach our daughters and sons not just about academic success, but about safety, boundaries and respect. That’s not alarmism. That’s love.

Mark W. Smith is a former associate vice chancellor at Washington University in St. Louis and now teaches at Nerinx Hall, a college preparatory high school in Webster Groves, Missouri.

This story was originally published August 10, 2025 at 5:02 AM with the headline "College-bound students need to hear the truth about campus sexual assault | Opinion."