R&B singer D’Angelo showed us true intimacy begins with vulnerability | Opinion
R&B singer and Neo-Soul pioneer D’Angelo died this week of pancreatic cancer at the age of 51, too soon if you were to ask the millions of fans of his groundbreaking work.
Most of what I’ve seen online labeled him as a king of seduction, a man who only cared about what a woman offers in the bedroom. But that narrow description doesn’t begin to capture the singer’s ability to convey deep, thoughtful messages of love and intimacy through his music.
For example, his “Untitled (How Does It Feel?)” is categorized as a sexual song. The video for the song begins with a close-up moving around D’Angelo’s face, starting at his eyes and then to his lips. As the camera zooms out, D’Angelo begins to sing, creating an experience that’s about more than just the physical act of sex—it’s about offering an emotional vulnerability.
“Girl, it’s all on you/Have it your way And if you want/ you can decide And if you’ll have me/ I can provide everything that you desire If you get a feeling / Feeling that I’m feeling Won’t you come closer to me, baby? Girl, you already got me right where you want me, baby I, I just wanna be your man”
Here is a Black man, strong and handsome, singing to his woman and telling her that she’s all he’s worried about. She is now in control of this moment of intimacy. To cap off the emotions that he’s feeling, the deep vulnerable place he’s in, the singer asks a four-word question: “How does it feel?”
So much of the love and growth that Black people experience gets lost when they are only seen as sex symbols. But in actuality, D’Angelo conveyed the beauty o a man who dives into his emotions and a deep sense of caring for what a woman desires.
There are so many households with couples who’ve lost that intimacy. D’Angelo’s music is so powerful because it reinvigorates that emotion.
Remembering true intimacy
My mom would play this song after she lit the stove to prepare Sunday breakfast. At the time, my mother was going through a rough relationship with her boyfriend. She would put the cassette in the player before getting started. As soon as the song played, her body relaxed. She went to another place while listening to D’Angelo serenade her.
D’Angelo made songs to fill the void for women who felt left behind like my mother. His music gave my mother, and I’m sure other women moments to feel that they deserved a real, vulnerable, and deep love. They deserved the assuring voice of a man unafraid to share the most vulnerable part of himself.
D’Angelo gave the comfort that millions of Americans needed, and I hope that after a battle with cancer, he has the peace that he deserves. His career will continue to connect with people because of the common thread that weaves in and out of his work: love and comfort.
His songs taught us that real connection, between lovers, friends, or even strangers, comes from letting ourselves be vulnerable. That’s the lesson D’Angelo leaves behind, and it’s one worth holding onto.
